Bad Drivers and My Space Ho's

This weekend my wife and I were headed to Sears and Wal-Mart on Sunday morning. I had a lot to do, and most of it didn't get done. Some guy in a motorcycle kept pissing me off all the way down the interstate so I was mad when I got near the Hamilton Place area. As a general rule, I despise Hamilton Place and all it's traffic problems. I think people just get stupid out there because they can't bear the thought of parking more than 10 feet from the front door. Anyway, my mind is running 90 miles an hour with the thought of running over this ass clown on his WinneBikeO (no, it wasn't a sport bike), and how I had to cut the grass and do a lot of work around the house, and now I was headed to the store I hate the most...Wally World. I don't hate the store, I hate the people that go there. The people that block aisleways and have zero consideration that there is anyone else in this store. Anyway, I manage to get stopped at every redlight on the way there and I'm finally in a turn lane. We get a green light and the woman in front of me decides not to go. I wait...very patiently for as frustrated as I was at this point and finally I honk the horn. She gets startled and looks back at me and looks around, then eases a little further in to the intersection. Finally I just get mad, turn off the traction control on the Rustang and hit the gas. I was going to hit her or she was going to move. I slid the car around her just as I would have if we'd passed her on a dirt track. She was on her cell phone. With the engine roaring as it does when one is spinning tires and yelling loud obscene things at a lady who is taking her time to make sure we miss the green light, she gets passed. At the next stoplight she pulls up next to me and has gotten off the phone. I take this as an opportunity to get to know her, and carry on a conversation.

"Lady, do they not have turn signals where you come from?"

"I'm sorry. I was concentrating and focusing on dialing my phone." Then she pauses, scrunches up her face and screams "JESUS LOVES YOU!"

"Thank you. Jesus wants you to learn how to drive."

I rolled up the window. We were done. She got back on her cell phone. Holding up traffic, no matter for how long, should NEVER be justified by a cell phone. If you have to talk or focus that much on it, pull over.

Same trip, we hit Lowe's. Mostly because I like Lowe's...a lot. It's like women liking Target. I never get everything in one trip and I can always walk in and find something I need...because it's Lowe's. Anyway, on the way out there is some yellow hybrid hatchback/wagon (or three door coupe as they call it) that you can't help but see. This guy already has three strikes because it's yellow, it's a "three door," and it's a hybrid. I pretty much hate all three of those things violently. To make matters worse he has a matching yellow decal on the back that he's made. It says "ADD ME ON MY SPACE! PUT ME ON YOUR FRIEND LIST!" Then it had his My Space address. I was looking at him as he was getting out of the car and I said "You suck. I hate you. Please don't breed." I don't think he was 20 yet and he said "Whatever??!? What did I do to you?" I responded "Nothing. We just don't need any more of you out there. Please consider taking your own life." Looking back I'm sure I didn't handle that properly as I'm sure he's a nice person. Why does this make me mad? I started a MySpace page to find some of my friends from high school before I hit the 10 year reunion to see if any of the old gang was going. I'm starting to think this was a bad decision. Now my "friend" requests are filled daily with girls who have web cams, struggling musicians trying to get their name out (with some really crappy music), and people that just want to have 10,000,000 friends for whatever reason. I've not figured it out yet. The Cam Ho's really don't like me as I usually say "Oh, I'll add you as a friend if I can get a user name and password for your website." They usually respond with "Sorry hun, it's $18.95 a month but it's worth your money. I'm on like all the time and some of my girlfriends even stop by to say Hi...if you know what I mean." Last time I responded with "Who pays for porn anymore?" Amazingly I haven't heard back from them. Maybe I just don't get the MySpace thing...