Speeding tickets, Odd Fish, and Man Pizza

I'm a little overdue on my speeding ticket post and I'm sure both of you are dying to know what happened. Last weekend the RumRunners (three of us less my hot wife) were headed out to The Fresh Market to get some sides and beef for an afternoon of grilling. We took the wifes Crustang because something about bringing fresh raw meat home in a Jeep just doesn't sound right...and it needed gas. Anyway. Upon leaving the gas station we get stuck behind a BMW X5 and some lady talking on her cell phone. It's only natural that since we're on a time line here and need to be back ASAP that she's driving as slow as humanly possible. So on the entrance ramp two out of three of us decide it's a good idea to pass her like she's tied to a tree. Note once again that my wife was not present or we would have been met with a huge opposing force to this idea. I do, and I come up to speed. Then I notice she's trying to pass, just to prove a point I guess. So, I end this. I crank the Crustang to a good solid 90 for a mile, then coast back down to an even 80. A quick check in the rear view shows the BMW is closing fast...very fast. Let me pause and offer up a couple of details here. I wouldn't have this problem were it anything but a BMW. I hate BMW's and wish nothing but ill fate on them. Nine times out of ten when I have road rage it's because of some ass clown in a BMW that either wants to race, tries to race, loses a race and doesn't realize it, or is driving slow talking on their cell phone. I wish they all had their high priced BMW's stuck in their high priced asses. The only other small detail I've left out so far is that all this is happening in a construction zone where the speed limit is 45. Back to the story. Beemer is closing fast, I figure like any other BMW owner she's going to pass no matter what so she can tell her friends she outran something that cost half as much as her overpriced polished shit box on wheels. I thought once we got out of the construction zone I'd have some fun with her. Then a quick check back out the front window shows a state patrol officer running radar. Panic sets in. Panic turns to loud profanity and my mind is wondering how the hell am I going to explain to my wife that I just got a ticket for doing 80 in a 45? I knew, I was fucked. So here he comes, Beemer bitch just passed us like I knew she would. Cell phone in hand she looked down on me like she was winning and wanted to go "See, I can outrun your domestic piece of junk." Here comes the state patrol pig, lights sirens, the whole shabang. I've slowed down, moved over, and started to think of all the ways I could say I honestly didn't know I was going double the speed limit. The pigmachine flys right by us, and we look at each other and say "Man, wouldn't it be funny if he pulled over that stupid ass BMW?" He did. We laughed so hard inside that car I almost had to pull over. My neighbors wife wasn't quite as amused as we were, but I'm pretty sure when we drove by the newest invite to the policemans ball she heard us laughing. That is how you almost get a speeding ticket that you totally deserved. We took a different route home just in case a state patrol officer was lurking and waiting for a Black Rustang.

The trip to the store was a success. We grilled Filet Kabobs, Pork Chops, Steak, Chicken...and Shark. I've got pictures of the shark on the grille that I'll post on the photo blog. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. I figure it was cool that we grilled it and cool that we tried it, but we probably won't do it again. When the neighbors went to Savanah, GA he went shark fishing. I had this great idea that maybe if he brought one back and fileted it, we'd grille it up because that would just be cool. Everything but the actual eating of the shark was cool. Again, it wasn't bad, but it's not something we'll do again.

Finally, the Man Pizza. What makes a pizza gender specific you ask? Well let's see, start with some tomato sauce, add some Montreal Steak seasoning, Jack Daniels Barbecue sauce, then stir. Taste and brainstorm. Then add Guiness, Jack Daniels, stir, then add more of both just because it's cool that you can say your pizza sauce has Guiness and Jack Daniels in it. Select any pizza crust you like because crusts aren't gender specific. Add the sauce, grilled Cheddar cheese Bratwursts, carmelized onions, and a blend of mexican style cheeses and cover pizza until it's a half inch thick or more. Once you think the pizza is ready, find something else that might just make it more manly. Sticky Fingers Rib Rub. Yes, that's the perfect addition to a Man Pizza. Add liberally. If it's good on ribs, it's got to be good on Pizza. Then grille this badboy because Man Pizza's of this caliber just don't go in the oven. If you don't have a ZaGrille, or an outdoor grill of any sort you need one. What back deck is complete without a grille? Exactly. Serve the Man Pizza with a side of Captain and Coke...accept no substitutes. We did grille a chic pizza as well. The wife pizza had a sauce of Lindeman's Pinot Noir, garlic, italian, and sun dried tomato seasonings. Topped with a cheese blend of Parmesan, Mozarella, and Feta with turkey pepperoni, zuccini, and green bell peppers. Given putting this one together wasn't near as much fun as the man pizza, but it was still fun...and the wives enjoyed it.

This weekend we're painting the front door to our house. I can't see anything as exciting as Man Pizza and near speeding tickets on the horizon but you just never know.