Thursday, November 08, 2007

Cell Phone Etiquette

It's a little slower this time of year so I find myself going to the bank, or to Wally World for store supplies and I've noticed that in my travels people have no idea how incredibly annoying cell phones can be when used improperly. So I've come up with a list of things that should get you punched in the face for doing while on your cell phone.

1. Being completely ignorant of your surroundings. Yes, this seems obvious and some can manage to do this while not on a cell phone. Realistically if your head is far enough up your ass that you can't tell you're blocking an aisle, holding up traffic, or running over people because you're too busy talking on your phone, you would be just as much a danger on your phone than you would be off of it. Either way, cell phones are best used when your head is out of your ass. If it's permanently lodged, you might consider other means of communication. You might also consider grabbing the back of your knees and pulling hard until you see the light. Rinse and repeat as necessary.

2. When is it okay to use a blue tooth or comparible wireless headset? In your car. I know you think it's great to walk around the mall and talk to yourself. Honestly once we all get over thinking that you're crazy, your wireless (or wired) headset just make you look like a colossal dipshit and we all hate you.

3. The drive through window. This might actually be the least convenient of all places to talk on your cell phone. And no, the drive through attendant doesn't think that it's cool you have a headset. Furthermore, if you pull to the speaker and have a line of people behind you and you ask the nice person to "Hold On" while you finish your deserve every ounce of spit that is hidden in your soft drink or in your food.

4. Having uncomfortable conversations REALLY loud. I don't know how many times I'm at a doctors office, or a restaurant I some ass clown on their cell phone is talking about bowel movements, their friends marital problems, or what they're going to do when they get ahold of someone. This is terribly annoying and while you think having a cell phone makes you important, it really doesn't. It makes you a lemming.

5. The gym. I can't think of a less convenient place to stop and answer your cell phone than the gym. Realistically if you're more focused on talking on your phone than you are about working out, you need to go home. Sell off your gym membership and buy a TaeBo DVD. Not because TaeBo is easy, because you'll never actually use it because you're talking on your damn cell phone all the time.

These are simple rules everyone should follow to make life so much easier on the rest of us that don't walk around with our heads up our ass.


What a great post! I totally agree with it all, especially the part about someone having uncomfortable conversations really loud. Why does it always seem to be in the doctors office, anyway? =)
posted by Anonymous Angela at 3:51 PM  
Bluetooth devices can be annoying, but I'll take someone using one over the people who have major breakdowns on their cell phone on the streetcorner. People are oblivious, that's for sure.
posted by Anonymous Carol at 9:11 PM  
Angela - sadly it appears people have no shame in a doctors office. I keep waiting for one day someone to push me to the point that I snap and then say "Smile. You're on Candid Camera!" I'll be the first guy to punch them in the face.

Carol - I think headsets have their place. Mostly right now I think they're a status symbol of some sort and that's what makes me mad about them. I like your blog though.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 11:17 AM  
Oh yeah, I'm with you on the headsets. Sometimes I just get a kick out of how crazy people look and sound wearing them. Kind of serves them right ;-)
posted by Anonymous Carol at 11:49 AM  

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