Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Smart Test

So lately I've been wondering about a lot of the people that come in here at work. I have to wonder if they know they're stupid or not, because some days you just have to wonder what is going on in their little heads. Ever hear the expression "the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead?" If the wheel was spinning, that would be a big improvement for a lot of these folks. Lucky for you, in our spare time, Mike and I developed a test. Ten questions that will help you determine if you are okay or if you're eligible for government funding because you're legally retarded.

1. What do you consider a good source of news?
A. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and the Colbert Report
C. Fox News

2. What type of television show do you find most entertaining?
A. Reality TV
B. Sitcoms
C. Educational Content (i.e. History/Discovery Channel)
D. Talk Shows
E. Game Shows

3. When you read the paper, do you enjoy looking at the divorce or bankruptcy section for a source of gossip?
A. Yes
B. No
C. What's a newspaper? Is that the thing that Paris Hilton is always on the cover of?

4. When reading a good book, does it involve any of the following:
A. Colors
B. Pictures
C. talking animals(we aren't talking George Orwell here)
D. No. I read to stimulate my mind.

5. Do you think you:
A. Know everything
B. Have a lot to learn
C. Are constantly learning
D. No idea here

6. Lindsey Lohan is:
A. Too Skinny
B. Too Fat
C. Just right - Crack whore is IN!
D. Who gives a fuck?
E. Damn she used to be so hot

7. The Matrix is:
A. Quite possibly the greatest movie ever made
B. Some weird science fiction movie some guy I used to date made me watch
C. Isn't it that new Toyota?
D. That movie was AWESOME...SO, LIKE, what was it about?

8. What is this?
A. I forgot
B. A Test of the emergency broadcast system
D. A test to determine if one of my brain cells is fighting the other...they do get kinda lonely.
E. Unfortunately no one can tell you what it is. You have to see it for your self.

9. Muscle Cars are:
A. Bitchin!
B. Those stupid things my boyfriend makes me go see at car shows
C. Extravagant, wasteful of gas, and bad for the environment, but a perfect place for hot girls to pose in skimpy clothes
d. All cars are for is to get you to work. Who needs an engine that big?

10. France is located where?
A. Underneath the white flag
B. Who gives a shit?
C. Oooh! That's where Paris is. I wanna go!!!
D: Probably somewhere near where all those fucking french people are.
E: Right where that awful smell of rotting cheese is coming from
F: Within marching distance of Berlin
G: No idea...but I'm sure we'll be back there soon enough

Answers -

1. A, B, and C are all acceptable answers. You get 15 points for A, 12 points for B, and 10 points for C. If you answer D, not only do you lose 15,000,000 points we hate you.

2. Everything but A earns you 15 points. If you answer A, you lose 15,000,000 points and I hate you even more.

3. B is the correct answer. A or C should literally get you beaten by a band of Czech kids demanding bubble gum. 10 points if you answer B, 10 more if you know what movie I'm referencing. A, and C lose you 15,000,000 more points

4. We'll accept D. Give yourself 15 points. Everything else is acceptable if you're under the age of 12. If you are over 12 and answered anything but D, take the total of your overall score and and subtract it from itself again.

5. If you need me to tell you the correct answer on this one, I'm actually surprised that you figured out the internet long enough to read this test.

6. Yes, she used to be hot, and now she's a crack ho. Actually knowing that people will get this wrong makes me sad. If you answer anything but D or E, you lose 50 points.

7. A. A is the only answer that is correct. The rest of them aren't even close, and if you answered D, stop taking this test now and go away. Never return again. I can't even deduct enough points to show you my disapproval.

8. Correct Answers are C&E. Give yourself 20 points a piece for getting that right. Give yourself another 10 if you know what E is talking about. Anything else loses you 20,000 points.

9. A and C will gain you 200 points each. If you answered anything else, take your score, multiply it by three, then subtract it from itself seventeen times.

10. If you answer C, you have problems. Subtract 100,000,000,000,000,000 points from your score. Everything else gains you 100 points.

Let's add up the scores shall we? If you managed anything on the plus side, you get to live. If your score was anything below zero, please contact me because I have a friend that's a social worker and we need to get you on her case load as soon as humanly possible.


I am WAY in the negative :).
posted by Blogger Chas at 12:55 AM  
I'm not so sure about that one Chas. But if you are, we'll let you slide because we like you.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 7:13 AM  
Well, I LOVE me some reality shows...and I'm not really into cars..so I was screwed.
posted by Anonymous Chas at 10:30 AM  
Me too REALITY shows are awesome!

posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 1:37 PM  
T stands for Tard, of course.

posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 1:42 PM  
Now Mike that is kind of harsh don't you think.

Anyway I scored a 370. I think I do okay for myself!!
posted by Anonymous Easy E at 3:21 PM  
E - I had no doubts about you. T is actually Mikes girlfriend. If you didn't know.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 10:39 AM  
posted by Blogger Easy E at 5:10 PM  
You should really post something new.
posted by Blogger Easy E at 12:40 PM  

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