Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Rules for Gym Music

I was working out this morning and todays WOD was not a workout that allows on to wear an MP3 player. So I came up with five types of music that should never be played in the gym. The gym asked for suggestions so I e-mailed this word for word to them.

1. Slow Songs/Ballads - No...never. I don't care if they're good songs, sappy songs, whatever. Anything that makes you want to go to sleep, or any sappy sentimental song is worthless for gym music.

2. Artists such as Ashlee Simpson, Rihanna, Jo Jo, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and the like are on the black list. If you can call them artists (which that is all a matter of opinion), they don't inspire anyone to get fit, work out, or do anything short of poking sharp sticks in their ears and in some cases eyes. Playing a Shakira or Jessica Simpson video with motivational music turned on over it is perfectly acceptable.

3. The Black Eyed Peas and any such spinoff groups are out. As are anyone that has ever called themselves a Refugee All-Star, or "artists" with dumb names like K-OS. Jay-Z, this includes you as well. You're not creative and your music makes me want to stick my own head in the toilet and flush it repeatedly. Once again, the occasional Fergie video without her actual music is acceptable. Videos from her days with the Black Eyed Peas are not acceptable in any situation.

4. Bands you've never heard of are called that for a reason. Sure, I think every aspiring artist deserves to be heard. We have American Idol for that. This does not need to occur while I'm Crossfitting. Not even a little bit. If you must play them, I would suggest somewhere around 3:00 a.m. when no one is there. That puts the least amount of people at risk for suicide attempts in the gym.

5. Acceptable music can be anything from hard rock such as Seether, Three Days Grace, Finger Eleven, Tool, and occasionally some Marilyn Manson. However, Mansons videos should never be shown as they are stupid and pointless. His music might go best over a Lindsey Lohan or Jessica Simpson video. Just to be overly generous, we'll add any kind of aerobic music to the acceptable list. I know a lot of it is shit, but usually it's got a decent beat that you can work out to...and even the aerobic classes know that slow songs screw up a workout like nobody's business. Music I work out too needs to make me want to throw barbells, dumbells, and yell and scream because the pain of a workout is good.

So there you have it Gym Friends. You wanted our suggestions on what music to play, and there you have it. Tomorrow will hopefully be a list of why Ford Sucks, or a list of things to be thankful for.


Couldn't agree with you more. Probably a little cliche, but Rage Against the Machine and Metallica always get me in a good frame of mind.
posted by Blogger Chris D. at 7:33 PM  

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