Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Our neighbors suck!

Okay, my wife and I have lived in our house for almost a year now. I usually try to socialize with the people around us, because they're our neighbors and that's what you should do. Anyway. When we moved in nobody really came to say hi or introduce themselves so we took it upon ourselves to meet our new neighbors. The neighbors next to us will be called A&M. He's a Nascar fan, works in his yard a lot, and I think he just turned 28. You'd think we'd get along fine. The first time I met his wife, M, she was wearing a bikini on the back porch...she was mortified. I laughed. His wife is actually not bad looking, but that's beside the point. We invited them over for dinner a few weeks ago. We had found some wild salmon at the Fresh Market so we'd said "Hey, we're grilling salmon for dinner - you guys wanna come?" They were ecstatic. We get home, start prepping the food and they're gone. Nowhere near the house. So I start the grille and get the salmon ready. Then they're on their back porch so I said "Hey guys, you still gonna eat dinner with us?" They came down and talked for a minute and told us that they ate dinner because in the span of two hours they forgot we were having them over. Fine. If this was a one time thing I could understand, but he's a flaky bastard. We grilled not long ago for some friends and he came out and asked what was going on, almost like he was fishing for an invite. So I said "You guys are welcome, we've got plenty of food, but I'm sure you've eaten dinner." He had a shocked look and said "How'd you know?" I told him it was a lucky guess, but eventually he'd cave on dinner because the smell of a charcoal grill with chicken smoking on it would get to him at some point. He sucks. At least she looks good in a bikini while washing her car. Still, they both suck. Furthermore, they have the best lawn on the street. Have I mentioned they suck?

Neighbors on the other side are older, with now three kids. Nice people. We don't talk much. The other day I was out working on the car, and she complimented the Cuda. Then she asked if I was still working at my old job (uh huh, start with a compliment...). I told her I'd moved on and she said "well, I really needed a set of tires for our van and I was hoping you could still get me a discount. Do you think that's possible?" I can count the number of times on one hand that we've spoken. The fact that I couldn't have gotten her tires for her van if I was still there is beside the point. What kind of people do this? Our neighbors that's who. They also have two German shepherds that bark every time we come in or out of the house, and some times through the night I think just to keep us awake. When the Jeep broke, I fired up the Cuda to head to work in at 6:30 am. My hot wife was mad saying I'd woken everyone up, and since the exhaust pipes fire right in to their bedroom window (they really do) she was worried they were mad at us and wide awake. Seeing as how their dogs STILL bark at me, I don't care. Had I thought a little harder I would have done a big smokey burnout all the way up the street.

Across the street we have someone that we'll just nickname Hakmid Spitinthewind. Yeah. He never cuts his grass, or does any type of yardwork. His yard is mostly dirt and rock so when he cuts it, it has this pigpin (read that as pigpin from Charlie Brown) effect and the entire neighborhood is covered in a giant dust cloud. The solar lights he lined his sidewalk with are all broken and fall over a lot. I don't think I've ever seen them put off any light. He has towels and sheets hanging over all the windows in his house - not curtains. I'm no decorator, but that should give you a good visual of his house. Dad thinks he's a terrorist living among us. I was outside once with our flaky neighbors when a collection group came to pick up his car. Sadly, this post made me think the same thing. He's moving. We were both overjoyed. He's still there.

The people next door to him just moved in and they're our age. Nice enough. No real judgement on them yet. Down from them is the preacher. Preacher is nice enough.

Up from Hakmid is an older couple with young kids. We've never met them. When my brother-in-law came over and finished up our flower beds, they brought him cookies and welcomed him to the neighborhood. Then, because he was working with his shirt off, she decided to sunbathe in the driveway in a bikini. This doesn't bother me because she's a larger woman. However, chocolate chip cookies that are still warm sucks. They're moving. A frickin year and my brother-in-law gets free cookies.

That's about it for our neighborhood. Our neighbors suck.


I didn't mention this on my post about my neighbors, but the one good thing about the neighbors is that they have college/high school girls and they are nice to look at. One morning I was heading to work and son of a bitch if one of them wasn't out there looking in the back of her car with only her towel on. I should also mention that they boat a lot so lots of bikinis there! So yeah I'll miss the scenery portion of it, but nothing else. Well for that matter the scenery had it's downsides as well. Such as coming home at O dark 30 with the bass thumping and doing whatever else they were doing in the drive way.
posted by Blogger Chris D. at 6:00 PM  
blah blah blah, terrorist neighbors, blah blah blah, inconsiderate, non-lawn cutting neighbors, blah blah blah... would you hurry up and get some large busted, three holer type ho'es already?
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 9:37 PM  
I guess as soon as you buy your girlfriend the upgrades she wants, marry her and move to our neighborhood we'll have some.

For the record, I don't care if he cuts his grass or not. Just giving a visual of the house. He could be a terrorist, or he could just be a filthy bastard.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 2:37 PM  
I'm just saying they would be better incentive to come out and visit than burned up sausage is all.

Now I have to go back to watching Stealth in an effort to prove just how much pain I am willing to endure for the pleasure that is Jessica Biel.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 7:40 PM  
Stealth? Yeah you are hardcore. Watch Blade Trinity. MUCH better.

We met our neighbors B&M they brought over Turtle Brownies. That were still hot. The others are all evil. And apparently related. Not friendly at all.

But I can't talk about the yard. I've trimmed the bushes, but Greg hasn't mowed in almost 2 months. It's a point of contension between us. It needs it at least once more before we let it go for winter.
posted by Blogger Jenn at 10:23 AM  

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