Wednesday, June 14, 2006

E-mails that will get you fired.

So I stole these from Maxim Online, but they were too funny not to share. Ahh, how nice it is to be able to send e-mails like this and not worry about getting fired.

  • If you don't blow me, I'm going to fire you.
  • Re: I'm the one who doesn't flush.
  • You know that blonde in accounting? I boned her.
  • My manager smells like shit. Cat shit.
  • Re: I'm pretty sure everyone in my department is gay.
  • I masturbate in the bathroom every day at 3:15.
  • Guess who took a dump on the secretary's keyboard...
  • The embezzled company money just got deposited into my account!
  • FW: I made up this kickass racist joke...
  • That HR bitch better not be reading my e-mails.
  • I just finger-banged the intern in the bathroom.
  • Like snow? Coffee machine, five minutes. Bring cash.
  • If you read over my updated résumé, I'll let you touch my nipple.
  • Re: I shat in the fishtank, so pay up, beeyotch.
  • Guess who gave the boss a "raise"? Tee-hee.
  • Meeting with rival company for lunch, cover for me.
  • These links are illegal in seven states.
  • Re: This heroin habit is really getting in the way of my job.
  • Re: Why are the women here still wearing tops?
  • I need to have a meating with you, asap.
  • Step into my orifice.
  • FW: Link to the women's bathroom cam.
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