So I stole these from Maxim Online, but they were too funny not to share. Ahh, how nice it is to be able to send e-mails like this and not worry about getting fired.
| If you don't blow me, I'm going to fire you. Re: I'm the one who doesn't flush. You know that blonde in accounting? I boned her. My manager smells like shit. Cat shit. Re: I'm pretty sure everyone in my department is gay. I masturbate in the bathroom every day at 3:15. Guess who took a dump on the secretary's keyboard... The embezzled company money just got deposited into my account! FW: I made up this kickass racist joke... That HR bitch better not be reading my e-mails. I just finger-banged the intern in the bathroom. Like snow? Coffee machine, five minutes. Bring cash. If you read over my updated résumé, I'll let you touch my nipple. Re: I shat in the fishtank, so pay up, beeyotch. Guess who gave the boss a "raise"? Tee-hee. Meeting with rival company for lunch, cover for me. These links are illegal in seven states. Re: This heroin habit is really getting in the way of my job. Re: Why are the women here still wearing tops? I need to have a meating with you, asap. Step into my orifice. FW: Link to the women's bathroom cam. |
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