Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A Short Story by Mike

The following is a short story by Mike that he felt very passionate about so I told him I would be happy to publish it on my blog. And here you go...

This is the story of The stupidest creation ever.

Once upon a time, probably in Milan, there was a fashion designer. This woman of little creativity looked upon the world with the utmost disdain. For while she saw people wearing pants, that was not good enough. And while she saw people wearing shorts, that too did not satisfy her. Even the dresses and skirts could not satiate her need to improve. "Those pants," she thought, "They are too long. And those shorts, well, they are too short. What am I to do?" And then, while gazing ponderously at a pair of pants that so graciously covered a womans ankles, the most amazing idea she had ever had in her small life popped into her head. "What if I took a perfectly normal pair of pants, some that actually fit properly, and made them too short? EUREKA!"

This legend of innovation toiled long and hard at her desk for years. "Its all a problem of length, I know it! But how long?" The solution continued to elude her. Almost to the ankles? no no no. Silliness. How about the knee? Far too short. Finally her tedious work and research paid off. "The middle of the calf! OF COURSE! GENIUS!" When her prototype was complete, she called up a close friend, the most gorgeous fashion model in all the land, to try them out. "But these aren't long enough for me? They don't fit,"she exclaimed. "Au contraire, they do. You will see the beauty of my innovation this month when I throw the grandest runway exhibition in THE WORLD!"

A month later, at the fashion expo, the young model would again try on the amazing pants, and began to realize that she liked them. the other models looked at her with disdain, and made disparaging remarks, but she simply smirked at them, explaiming that no, she did not look stupid, she looked chic, and that before long, they would all be wearing them on Sex and the City. They laughed at her blatant ignorance and shrugged her off. The poor young model wasn't sure anymore. Were they cool? Or were they quite possibly the most idiotic things to ever grace her legs? Her friend wouldn't have lied to her would she? She wouldn't have convinced her to wear them just because they were "new" would she? After some vicodin and blow, she calmed herself enough to go out on the runway. Her confidence restored, she whispered to herself, "Well, i'll just show them. I can't wait for them to see how i'm the cool hip one, on the cutting edge of fashion, and they are behind the curve." As she strutted out on the runway, shaking her hips to the cheesy german techno music, she was met with gasps. "Oh my" and "look at those pants" could be heard all over the room. The model thought to herself, "HA, I WAS RIGHT, THEY ARE COOL." As she reached the end of the runway, she stopped and waited for one of the men on the end to gaze at her in envy. "How do you like them?" she asked? "You look like a fucking retard," was met with uproarious laughter by the other men in the room. The woman, however, could not understand this response. They were baffled "What do you mean?" They all thought. "She looks fabulous." The men continued their derision while the women stared at the amazing pants. "I must have them, and I will pay anything to get them. They are different."

And this is the story of why women refuse to buy pants that fit and men continue to ridicule them for it. Fuck you and your capri pants, girls think they look cute in them. Guys know they are mistaken. No girl looks cute in them. Ever. For the sake of all that is holy, JUST. STOP. WEARING. THEM.


Ok Mike. You are wildly opposed to Capri pants, though I must admit that I almost wore some on Friday night, just to get under your skin. I never knew you were so passionate about women's fashion.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 3:57 PM  
It's not that i'm particularly passionate about women's fashion. It's more that those things are a crime against humanity and their makers should be shot.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 4:16 PM  

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