Friday, December 10, 2004

Home Phones = Sales Calls

I really hate sales calls. On a rare occasion I've found myself overly rude to them when they got me out of the shower or interrupted my dinner. We just got a home phone so we could get internet access. We haven't had a home phone since we got married, and I think it was probably better that we didn't run anything else in to the dumplex that didn't need to be. So, I get home last night and there is four messages on our answering machine. I thought until I checked these that people knew what an aswering machine sounded like. Usually when it says "No one is available to take your call," that means nobody is going to answer. Four messages last night with three different people asking the answering machine if they could speak to someone. One guy was yelling "HELLO! I NEED TO SPEAK TO JENNIFER! COME ON! HELLO!?!?!?!" I got his number so I'm going to call him back and ask him who the hell he thinks he us, so I'll keep you posted on that one. The other three were people less annoyed, but still were asking to speak to someone. One of them even made a sales presentation and then said "Patrick? Are you still there?" I could believe this if we had a personalized recording, but we still have the generic recording that came with the machine. Amazing.

Since I hate sales calls I'll share with you my strategies on how to waste their time. I know, these people are working for a living, but if I wanted their special offers, I would call them. If you really want to annoy them, tell them they have the wrong number. Then say "It's okay, if you want Bob's number here it is - " then give them the number of someone you don't like. This is good because not only are you getting rid of them, your annoying someone you don't like and wasting their time. Secondly, I would ask for their home number. Say "I'm sorry, Mr. Mowatez is not in right now, if you'll give me your home number I'll have him call you about dinner time." They will hang up so fast you won't know what to do. My last, and favorite one is great. When they ask for someone (and they always mispronounce your name), make sure you mispronounce the name back - this inspires confidence in the telemarketers heart - then tell them you're going to get whoever it is they're looking for. Next, set the phone down and walk away. Make sure you check back every few minutes to make sure they're still holding. I've kept them going for at least 30 minutes before they gave up. It's immature I know, but it's the little things in life that keep you sane.

Three weeks to go to Jeff and Mary's. No incriminating Jeff story yet, I thought I'd be easy on them since he's letting us stay in their new house.


Yet again, you're my hero... I love it when they call for Gregory.. No one calls Greg that except me when Im pissed. As they are not allowed to be pissed at my husband they always get some interesting answers. One time I was feeling particularity theatrical and told them he had left me for another woman (insert loud sobs here) and how dare they make me relive this painful moment... Captial One no longer calls....
posted by Blogger Jenn at 6:17 PM  
My sister did that once when we both lived at home. They called and when I wasn't there got nasty with her and said "Well can we speak to his wife??" So she responded with "HIS WHAT?!?!? THAT BASTARD TOLD ME HE WAS GETTING A DIVORCE!" They hung up and I don't guess I ever heard from them. Before I was married and they'd ask for a spouse I would say "I'm sorry, they died. But thank you for bringing it up." Usually resulted in the same thing.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 8:08 AM  
Ha, those are great ideas. I haven't had a telemarketer call in ages, not since I signed up for the Do Not Call list...who'd have thought that would actually work?
posted by Blogger Chas at 7:21 PM  

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