Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Why I hate Bobby Flay

Before I rant too much about Bobby Flay, I need to say something about Maxim. It's no secret that I read it, and that it's mostly Playboy with clothes, but they have good movie reviews and products that I likely can't afford. Anyway, they do their yearly Hot 100. I don't have a problem with this years winner (Eva Longoria takes the top spot for two straight years now) but somehow or another Cameron Diaz made the top 10 and beat Jessica Alba. What blind retard put this pile of crap together? Seriously, Cameron Diaz is above Carmen Electra, Jessica Simpson, Shakira, Poppy Montgomery, and lots of others that's she's not even in the same ball park with. Needless to say I'm not a Diaz fan as I think she looks like Corky from Life Goes on that had a not so decent sex change. For me she ranks down there with Tori Spelling, and I have rules about those two. If they're in a movie, I just don't care who else is I just can't watch it. Anytime they're on my TV I change the channel because they make me violent. Since today's rant is about food, do you know who should have made Maxim's Hot 100? Giada De Laurentiis. She's smoking hot, and she can cook. If this bookstore ever burns down, I'm moving to food network to be a camera guy on her show. If my wife ever leaves me and Carmen Electra won't have me, you could probably find me stalking her. Yeah, I aim high.

Speaking of violence, let's move on to Bobby Flay.


It's summer time and I really like to cook on this Brinkmann grill I got for Christmas last year. I look for excuses to grill year round, but typically I only get to do it in the summer time. When people come over, or talk to me about grilling (which I'm not one to take advice from about grilling, I just enjoy it) they usually say "Oh, you must really like Bobby Flay." No. I don't like Bobby Flay even a little bit. Bobby Flay is a bigger asshole than I am. I was recently talking to a friend (who you can find her blog at the new link on the side at OutrightLiesandHalfTruths.com and it's a funny as hell read) about Bobby Flay and expressed my disgust with him to her. She sent me this artcile. I can't think of anything more truly spoken, and for you Boonzie there is even some about how annoying Rachel Ray is. Seriously, what is the big deal about Bobby Flay? Why couldn't Chef Morimoto whip his sorry ass ninja style at kitchen stadium? For Christmas last year my in-laws asked if I wanted a Bobby Flay cookbook or something. I told them if I got anything even remotely related to Bobby Flay it had better come with a receipt. As the article states, not only is he the biggest dick on Food Network, he's the ONLY dick on Food Network. His recipes are not that special and what little I've managed to sit through his shows they suck ass too. I came up with a Bobby Flay drinking game once to try and make him more tolerable but it didn't last. Basically every time he did something that was annoying or was a dick you take a shot. I think I passed out and had finished a bottle of rum before the first commercial break. At any rate, there are legions of people on the internet that hate Bobby Flay and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I keep hoping when he's on Iron Chef that one of the other chefs will whip his ass. Seriously, let me be a judge on Iron Chef when he's on. I don't care what he makes, I'd be the most colorful and entertaining judge on the planet.

"So Mr. Duke what do you think of Mr. Flay's current dish?"

"Didn't you see me spit that shit out and vomit on the floor? The vomit that's now underneath this table tasted better than that concoction of ass. Is he trying to poison us? I had to drink half the bottle of rum I smuggled in just to get the taste out of my mouth."

It would probably be the only time in Food Network History that a judge threw food at one of the chefs, and they had to bleep out the things said about the food. If he could produce something original, maybe genuinely compliment another chef, or do something besides be a raging dickhead he might be more tolerable. For now, he sucks. I long for the day Food Network catches on and cans him.

12 Comments:

I'm sorry, I just can't get past the pic of Flay without laughing. Your Microsoft Paint skills are right on par with mine.

I'm sorry that Mr. Flay disturbs you so. Maybe he should be the next recipient of the OLHT Mangina award.
posted by Blogger Hater Dictator at 2:23 PM  
Oh, I think Flay gets an award all it's own. There were probably a lot more creative things I could have done with his picture (and did do) but that version was the one that made the cut. It's juvenile I know, but it's way funny. I laughed about it all morning after I made it.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 2:28 PM  
Giada...ummmm...I'm going to have to check out her cooking show a bit more! Very hot. I got one of her recipies and it is on the favorites list.

Haven't watched much bobby flay. Rachal Ray is an idiot...or so says the wife. I tend to agree with her. Alwyn Brown (think that's his name) is kind of annoying as well (hosts Iron Chef).

And yeah. How does Simpson and Alba not make the top ten. As for Diaz...yeah she's a ummm...dog. I read somewhere that she has a pretty bad case of acne that she's always fighting.
posted by Blogger Chris D. at 9:33 PM  
That's funny Chris, she's got a bad case of ugly that she can't seem to get over either.

Giada is smokin hot, but you can tell that from the picture. Brown can be annoying but his show isn't that bad. I'm still hoping somebody beats Bobby Flay down with a spatula one day.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 12:12 AM  
Mr. Duke, that was some of your best stuff yet. Laughed my ass off. The picture was a nice touch too.

/Mike
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 3:12 PM  
As a regular watcher of Food Netowrk I think I can say, in a well informed manner, that Bobby Flay is an annoying, talentless, hack of a cook and should be flayed alive. Preferably with a grill scraper.

Yeah, yeah, bad pun. But that guy iritates every single squirrel out of me.

Alton Brown, however, can make me laugh. Tho I've not watched that Iron Chef show. It doesn't saute my onions, so to speak.
posted by Blogger U2Lorax at 4:07 PM  
Iron Chef is usually pretty good. Morimoto is good, as is Mario Batali. The only drawback to Morimoto is that he doesn't speak english so all his stuff is translated. I'm with you all the way on Flay.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 6:17 PM  
True, but Morimoto, when bartending at a charity, open-bar event, with TuckerMax actually got himself kicked out of the bar before anyone else. For the bartender to get kicked out first...Well, I'm just saying the man has talent.
/Mike
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 7:27 PM  
Morimoto got kicked out of a bar, while bartending? Where did you read this Mike. I want to see the article because that is too funny.
posted by Blogger Jen at 7:15 PM  
Couldn't find an article about it on his site, but it was about last April for a fundraiser called TankedForTheTroops. There is still a picture on the website, Tuckermax.com there is a picture with him and morimoto. Do a search in the message board and theres plentry of posts about it.
/Mike
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 8:23 PM  
I'm glad to see other people hate Bobby Flay as much as I do. I recently went to the Rachael Ray Sucks site and thought it was funnier than hell. Can someone please create a similar site for Flay?
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 12:53 PM  
Bobby Flay is a midget. Mentally and physically.

I wish it was he who fell through that trap door, not Saddam.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 2:20 AM  

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