Friday, April 29, 2005

Which way do these things go?

So, I'm driving to work this morning and I see a guy stranded on the side of the road with a spare tire. I thought for a second that he was a guy and he could handle it until I saw the mess his car was in from this flat tire. So I stopped and said "Do you need a hand?" His response "HELL YEAH! I can't get these damn nuts off this thing!" So I pull over. This is normally a service I only do for hot girls, but since they're so few and far between I changed that policy to people who look like they need help. So I walk over and say "Hand me the lug wrench, I'll take care of it." He was on his cell phone the entire time - charming I tell you. So I started to loosen the lugs and he starts yelling "Hey man, you turnin' these things the wrong damn way!" I sat there and thought "Well, maybe these are left hand lugs on the left side - but I thought people stopped doing that." I said "It should be loosen to the left, tighten to the right." He gives me one of the most blank clueless stares I've ever seen in my life and started screaming. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I dun been stuck on da side o dis road fo' an hour and I been turnin dem damn thangs the wrong damn way! I been jumpin up n down on dat tire iron to try to get them loose! I tried to loosen the hubcap and pull them off by pullin the damn hubcap off and dat din' work neever!" I tried really hard not to laugh, but I was pretty sad that a guy my age is as clueless as a two year old when it comes to tire changing. So, his friend shows up - and they're dressed alike from head to toe in coordinating colors with matching gold chains - get the picture? His friend walks over and says "You can go on and get outta her - we get it frum her." I thought leaving at this point was a bad idea. I thought as funny as it would be to see this car when they were done and tried to jack it up on the fender like the beavis and butthead that they were, but I thought it wrong and that I should finish. So I said "I'll stay, let's get the jack under it now that the lugs are loose." So he puts the jack - upside down - under the mud flap, stands up and says "Go 'head on wit it." I turned the jack over and put it on the frame where it was supposed to be and jacked up the car. His friend started to ask what all he had tried. He told him about turning the lugs the wrong way for an hour and his friend wanted to know which way he was turning them. He demonstrated for him while I was changing out the tire and he said "Oh yeah? You don't turn 'em dat way? Sheeit." I think that was God's way of saying thanks. So they stood back and watched me work like the furious one man pit crew that I can be. I got their tire on, and rolled the one over to them that was flat. This thing was worn down to the steel belts it was so bald. He could have run over a paper clip and had a blowout. I handed him the tire and his friend said "Damn! No wunda you gots a flat! Look at all dem damn wires hangin out da side! That's what made da tire flat!" The car was off the jack at this point so I handed them their tools and got on my way. One of them said thanks as I was getting in my car, but that was it. I can't believe that someone was dumb enough to jump up and down on a tire iron and never once figure out that he should try turning them the other way. It's just sad. I really think these were the two stupidest people I've met so far this year.

5 Comments:

Even I know "righty tighty - lefty loosey"~!

Too bad they weren't more appreciative. You were nice to stop and help.
posted by Blogger Insanity Infusion at 4:00 PM  
I would have left their sorry selves there... not really. I made Greg change a tire in the rain while his ice cream melted. These scary guys were trying to help this chick, so I stayed right there so she wouldn't think Greg was scary too...
posted by Blogger Jenn at 5:39 PM  
I remember once I watched two guys attempting to impress a girl by changing her tire. The car was on a really bad slope. I walked over and said "You guys need a hand?" Trying to impress this girl Beavis and Butthead said "No way man!" So I told them "You might want to move the car off the slope before it falls off the jack." The girl looked at me and said "any chance you'd stay and help them? I just need this done right." I was with my hot wife, so maybe that's why she asked but those two would have none of it. It just amazes me how many people can't change a single tire.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 11:37 PM  
I wasn't allowed to drive until I could. Luckily that didn't extend to changing oil. Cause I really am clueless at that. But you won't see me crying on the side of the road...
posted by Blogger Jenn at 12:32 PM  
I'm ashamed to admit this but I've only changed a tire once and let me tell you it was a learning experience. I didn't have the problems of figuring our right tighty lefty loosey, but I did have some other issues.

1 - Never jack the car up and then try and losen the nuts! Car comes off of jack.

2 - Car jack with the round thing goes on the car not on the ground (I still think this is a bit confusing, but there's probably directions somewhere that I didn't bother to read...typical guy I know!).

So yeah I'm ashamed to admit this as a guy, but I did have problems. Then the spare was flat. And I almost got into a wreck on the way home. Not a good day. Haven't had a flat since then, but I probably should brush up on this just so I know what I'm doing in case it happens again!
posted by Blogger Chris D. at 11:00 AM  

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