Tuesday, May 24, 2005

As promised, a good story from the road

So, stories from the road are always fun. Here at work we share good stories and have a good laugh. I shared this one and it got rave reviews. Let's see what you guys think.

I get a ticket to Episode III because I'm a Star Wars dork so I was pumped up and ready to see it. I got a ticket for a 10:40 show and headed to the theater thinking "I'm going to be tired tomorrow." So I got there early and snuck in to an earlier show thinking this was a good idea. The movie was awesome - but that's a different blog at a different time. If you like or don't like Star Wars - this one ties them all together and it's great. I can't wait to see it again - Jeff and Mary be warned.

So anyway, I'm all excited that I saw an earlier show, headed back to the hotel sooner and all of the sudden I get passed by a speeding volkswagen. The girl goes around me and slams in to the car in front of me. So I stop to see if everyone is okay. There is an Asian guy that won't speak English and a blonde girl that's drunk. Any guesses who was at fault? The girl was drunk - way drunk and begged me to not call the cops. So I called the cops because Harry (the Asian Guy) said he was dizzy and his head hurt. The cops show up and realize I'm from out of town because I don't have the same goofy accent that these guys do so they ask me to stay. The girl cries and cries because she can see herself going to jail. The real irony is that right above us on the interstate read "DUI - THE QUICKEST WAY TO LOSE YOUR LICENSE" and had a picture of a guy in jail. It was funny to me. I felt bad for the girl because I could see her leaving in handcuffs but she passed the sobriety test with flying colors. She walked a line and everything so they didn't take her to jail. The girls boyfriend shows up and walks over to me, gets in my face and says "WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU AND WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU HERE???!??" He's doing this while pushing his girlfriend away from me. So I look back and say "I stopped to help...you would be who?" So he says "Oh, I'm Sam." Sam thought he was this girls boyfriend and he was drunk. The cop didn't take too kindly to him yelling at me so he got busted for a DUI. He smarted off to the cop and asked me if I'd help him out and said "can you believe that guy? Going after me? Who does he think he is?" So I said "Well, you did smart off to him. If I was him I would have beat you down with my club and considered shooting you in the head." So off goes the boyfriend and the girl apologizes for him being an ass. The cop says "Young lady, you're very attractive and could do much better than Sam." The girl wasn't that attractive to me, but Sam was a dipshit. I agreed, the girl could do better than Sam because he sucked.

So, the tow truck takes the girls wreck of a car away and the Asian guy refused medical attention because he did not want to go to a hospital. We're all getting ready to leave and the Asian guy decides he's too dizzy to drive. The officer says "You were just cleared by the ambulance people. You're fine." So then he (in his best attempt to not speak English) starts talking about being dizzy and having a hurt head. Then pretends he can't walk straight and starts pretending to throw up. Nothing is coming out of this guy but he's going nuts. The cop shuts him up and puts him in the patrol car and says "Sir, you can go home. This will be a long night for me." I don't typically like cops but these guys that showed up were pretty cool. Anyway, drunk girl invites me to come by the restaurant she works at for a free beer on her next shift the following day and says "I don't know how I passed that sobriety test. I've had four Long Island Tea's, two Captain and Cokes, and a red headed slut, and a shot of Jameson whiskey, but the whiskey wasn't my idea." Nice. We didn't make it in to see her on her next shift, but somehow I think she's okay with that. The officer in charge let me go and I made it to bed at almost 3:00 and had to be back up by 6:00. Honestly, this could only happen to me. I think if I'd seen the later show I would have been better off but that's just me.

Well, I'm out again because I'm invading Jeff and Mary tomorrow but I don't think they know it yet. I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll update again soon.


Great story. I found your blog through your wife's blog through another blog, and I think you're writing is HILARIOUS! I have read a few of your other posts, and I swear, who knew mowing the lawn could be so interesting? Thanks for the laughs!
posted by Blogger Boonzie at 1:31 PM  
Anytime friend. I would like to say that I'm creative enough to make this stuff up but it's all true. I'll check your blog out when I'm back in town.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 9:48 PM  
Wow. I hope for Asian guy's sake that your name is on the police report as a witness so you can testify as to how drunk Drunk Girl was.
posted by Blogger anya at 11:24 PM  
They let her go?? No breathalizer?? Wow, I can't believe that. Where did this happen? You get yourself into some pretty interesting situations.
posted by Blogger Chas at 5:00 PM  
Yep, no breathilizer. I'm sure if the roles had been reversed I would have been in handcuffs on my way to jail.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 5:32 AM  

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