Friday, October 07, 2005

Misadventures of Me and Mike.

So my efforts to get Mike blogging are unsuccessful thus far. I think maybe he just needs another vintage Pat and Mike story to get him going. One of my old cars was a 1990 Plymouth Laser. For those that don't know, it's the same car as the Mitsubishi Eclipse. Mike had RX7's at the time and we usually raced through traffic and insane speeds. I went one Sunday afternoon to get a set of tires put on my car because I'd burned them off. Did I mention Mike and I put a water box in front of my parents house one afternoon and just did a bunch of burnouts? Yeah. That was fun. Well, anyway. I'd burned a set of tires to where they were blistered and pretty much done with. I went to the NTB to get a set of Goodyears that I'd heard were really good tires. Side Note: For anyone buying tires, e-mail me your questions. I know more about tires than probably any 10 jackasses at tire stores that are trying to sell you tires you don't want or need. So, I went down, purchased the Goodyears. They said it would be an hour wait. Fine, I walked over to Long John Silvers for lunch and came back. When I got back I looked at the car and saw four tires I'd never heard of. So I went inside and very politely said "You retards just put the wrong tires on my car. Who has ever heard of Falkens? Are you insane?" The guy said "Oh yeah, the bad news is we were out of Falkens, the good news is these are $50 more a piece per tire but we sold them to you for the same price. It's a lot better tire than that Goodyear. That little car there won't even spin those tires." So, I accepted this...for the time being. After all I did have a 30 day test drive so I had planned to absolutely burn them off in 30 days. I pulled out of their lot and left two really long, really dark blackmarks about 50 feet in length. little car wouldn't spin those tires. On the way home from school I usually went through the S-curves (another favorite place for me and Mike to race each other, or just drive insanely fast through it). Well, before I get there one of these tires blew up. I opted not to purchase the road hazzard so I thought "Great, I'm screwed." I called Mike to come down in dad's truck with a jack and a lug wrench. I had no spare tire. Back to NTB Mike and I went. Noticing that one of their preciouss Falken ZX radials had just come back in, they pretended not to see us. After being ignored for a minute I took the wheel and tire assembly and threw it on their counter. We were greated with a "You boys been helped yet?" Mike replied with his friendly "What do you think?" They tested the tire and as it turns out it was defective. So I said "You know what, put the Goodyears on that I asked for yesterday. I'll take this one, get the car back down here and you can put three more on." Oh how they didn't like that logic. "These tires are way better than them Goodyear tires. Blah blah blah, I'm a stupid moron who works on commission." Okay, he didn't say that but you get the idea. The Goodyears were one of the top rated tires on the market at that time and on this list, the Falkens were no where to be found. Wonder why? Anyway, the guy continues his spill on how dangerous it is to have one tire that won't hold, and three that will. Mike speaks up again.

Mike "Oh yeah, these lame ass Falkens are so much better than Goodyear. Isn't that why that guy you hate...what's his name? That Nascar driver you hate so much?"
Patrick "Jeff Gordon?"
Mike "Yeah, that asshole. Isn't that why he wins because he drives on Falkens an no one else does?"
Counter Guy "No, I believe they all use Goodyears."
Mike "Exactly! Put the fuckin' Goodyears on the car and stick these lame ass Falkens in your lame ass! Got it?"
Patrick "I couldn't agree with what he said more."
Counter Jackass "well, now. when you boys drive this car back here. It's gone have one good tire and one bad tire. You really should just tow it in here. It's not safe to drive with that Falken up front that will hold and that Goodyear that won't."
Mike "Shut up dickhead. Put the new tire on so we can get back here with the car before midnight."

Turns out, they had one Goodyear in stock. Then he gave us a spill on how hard the car would be to drive and it'd just be easier if we'd leave with another Falken. So we finally get a tire...a Goodyear tire. And we head back to get the car. Mike decides he wants to drive my car through the S curves with the new tires (yeah, I never let people drive my car but somehow Mike always circumvents that rule) and see how they do. Mike lost me because who knows how fast he was going, but he did lay down a lot of rubber. Magically, when we returned to the tire store they had three more Goodyears there they didn't have the day before. The guy came again to talk us out of the right tires.

Counter Guy "Yeah. I can't believe you're takin off that good set of tires. Them things are so good, I can't even spin 'em on my car in the rain. I've tried, they hold. Them Goodyears ain't gonna hold at all."
Mike "Yeah, but I bet your idea of a sports car is a V6 Mustang isn't it asshole?"

He didn't respond, but somehow we got the four tires we'd gone after and a refund. It was closing time when they got done and the counter guy was leaving...having still not said another word to us. We got outside and sure enough, this moron drove a beat up V6 Mustang. Most people would let this go. Mike and I walked over to his car. He had four Goodyears just like I'd bought on the car. Mike stopped him...

Mike "Hey man, you sure it's safe to drive home?
Counter Bonehead "Yeah, I think they fixed you up okay didn't they? You got the tires you wanted, right?"
Mike "Well yeah, but you're sporting the same tires he just bought. Are you sure it's safe to drive home on these since they won't hold on your 'sports car'?"
Counter guy rolls up his window...
Mike "Try not to give that thing too much wouldn't want those awful tires breaking loose on you now would you? What with your sports car having all that power you know? Jackass!"

Somehow I think that tire guy went home and cried himself to sleep. Mike drove my car home like it was a rental. The tires held just fine.


Its really entertaining to me just how big of an asshole I come off in these stories. I'm not saying this is untrue, but really, i'm quite charming and charismatic in person. I've even been referred to as sweet on occasion. I'm confounded.

posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 1:10 PM  
Well, this guy like most counter guys are dumb and likely deserved it. I think you just have a low tolerance for stupid people. Who doesn't?
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 1:39 PM  
God I would hate to run into either of you. But if I did run into either of you I'd know what I was talking about. So therefore you will not see me working a car shop because I know EXACTLY nothing about cars. :)
posted by Blogger Chris D. at 2:10 PM  
If you admit that you know nothing about cars, you know light years more than this guy did. Really, we're nice people. Fine upstanding citizens really.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 4:42 PM  
They are both VERY nice people. Just don't piss them off. Or say something stupid. How they are still nice to me is a mystery. (Probably because Mike hasn't seen me in years).
posted by Blogger Jenn at 1:42 PM  
Haven't seen each other in years? Are you kidding? You were a good kisser. THATS why i'm nice to you.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 8:11 PM  
Glad we cleared that up! ;-)
posted by Blogger Jenn at 8:31 PM  
I can't say I'm nice to you for that reason...actually...I'm trying to think why I'm nice to you. I think it's time we rethink our whole position here...
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 10:17 AM  
It's that whole, "wife that's friends with her" thing. I'm sure of it. Though I still recommend the lips. I recall fullness, but with give, and just the right amount of moisture.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 11:22 AM  
That's a vivid memory. Probably more info than I needed, but nice to know none the less.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 12:03 PM  
/me holds hands over embarassed cheeks. Thanks guys. Really.
posted by Blogger Jenn at 12:04 AM  

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