Guys Night Out

Friday night my wife went out with her self-centered vegetarian friend, so that left Mike and I to our own guys night out. The night started with shrimp and chicken at Hooters with a few beers. He met me out there on his bike so since rain was on the forecast we headed back to his place to pick up his girlfriend and go drink some more. We landed at their favorite bar called Buck Wild in downtown and had a few Jack and Cokes. A great combination I can assure you. As a side note, I should mention the new Cuervo Black goes good with Coke, or just over ice. It's not your typical tequila but it will certainly do. Mikes girlfriend is getting hit on by to or three different guys, and before I know it a 40 year old woman and her 40 year old friend have their arms around me while taking vodka shots. I don't remember what their shots were called but they had a dude with them that seemed to be their gay friend, who as it turns out was not gay and was trying to score with two very unattractive married women. He still looked gay, and I think Mike and I wanted to punch him...hard. Anyway, one of them offered me a shot and since the shots looked gross and even the bartender said they were crappy shots, I declined. I told them if they did tequila I'd consider it, she said she was too old and then decided this was the best time to talk about age. They decided to guess my age. Any guesses as to how old these old women thought I was? 34 and 38 were their guesses. I'm 27. Bitches. They argued for a minute and said I should stand up and turn around so they could get a better look. I declined. It was bad enough that one of them was rubbing her tits all over my arm, and I was certainly not about to add to this disgusting experience by making myself the meet of a 40-year-old woman sandwich. They've more or less forgotten about their gay guy who is still standing in between them trying to get another free shot out of them so he does not like me. Mike is amused that there are two old women hitting on me and a gay guy that needs to be punched in the throat invading my personal space here. They asked if I'd show them to their hotel room because they were drunk so I said "Um no. It's not that far. Just head out of here and hang a right. You'll see it." They left and amazingly didn't say goodbye. They left the gay dude behind so I said "Hey, gay guy...where'd your friends go?" He responded with a very upset "Hell man, they're married. You can't get married people to do anything you know?" Somehow I have a good idea. We leave the bar because it was dead, and I think the gay guy was still talking to us but neither me nor Mike addressed him.

I'd been texting my hot friend Brandi because she was across the street at Chili's drinking at the bar with my friend KT the huge. Brandi and KT used to date, but they are currently not dating. We used to double date with them and I refer to her as our hot friend because she's good looking, and because it really makes KT mad. KT mad is really really funny. Anyway, Brandi says she's headed to the billiard club and she'll meet us there. We get there early and out of nowhere this very large drunk dude screams "My God dude! You look just like me! Get over here and fuckin hug me dude!" I'm a magnet for retards tonight, and I have no choice as he's rapidly approaching. He starts asking my about who my pick is for the Superbowl. I really don't know because I really don't watch pro-football. I'll watch the superbowl, but my sport is Nascar and NHRA with an occasional IRL race. This guy now thinks I'm gay and says "Dude, fuckin hug me back. We look just alike," We still don't. "I'm just tryin to figure out what you do and try not to ask if you're gay or not dude." I was looking for an escape when Brandi hit the door. This guy goes nuts "Holy shit dude, look at that girl. She's fuckin hot!" I agree. Brandi hugs Mike and Tiffany and asks them the situation on this large drunk caveman that has me curled up under his arm. I'm not a small guy by any stretch, but this dude made me feel like a midget. I don't know what Mike said, but Brandi walked over and said "Hey now, get your hands off my man," and kisses me on the cheek. He goes "Holy shit dude! That's your girl?? That's awesome!" Brandi hugs me and says "You can thank me later. Now you get to tell your wife she owes me one because I saved you from a large smelly guy that wasn't KT." Whoever this guy was walks off and is still pointing at me going "That's fuckin awesome dude!" He does this several more times before Mike and I decide we hate everyone in this place (save for Brandi) and head home. Also of note Mike let me drive his new Harley Fatboy and it was cool. I need one. My hot wife will likely blog about her night with her friend but I assure you it won't be as eventful as getting hit on by two women that are her moms (not my moms) age and having a friend rescue you from a large sweaty drunk cavement. Tonight we get to watch the superbowl and of course the commercials. Since we didn't really have a date at home this weekend, it gets to be tonight. I hope everyone else had a good weekend.