Tuesday, August 10, 2004

25 Things...

Most people do 25 things about themselves, and I had honestly thought about doing that. Instead, I decided to do 25 Things I'm Bored with, Tired of, and Pissed at - so you here go.

25. Canadians - if you are Candian and this offends you - good. I assure you, I'm tired of your stupid accent.

24. Can I get a discount? - No, you can't. Being stupid does not mean you should pay less - I think you should pay more.

23. Excuses - one who is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else

22. The Democratic Party - "We need to buy more American made products - that's the only way to make the economy survive. We should also buy our drugs and pharmiceuticals from Canada - it's cheaper." Pick a side guys - you can't do both.

21. My workout partner - he's useless. He shows up at 7:30, and leaves at 7:45 - why bother?

20. Radio DJ's - I long for the day I can get Satellite Radio and not have to listen to the ass clowns that like to hear themselves talk in this town.

19. The Garbage Man on my street - for some reason he always drops my garbage can in the ditch, then opens the door to his truck just to stare at me while I walk across the yard to get it. He's never once apologized.

18. People that yell to get there way - even when they know they're wrong, and know they shouldn't get what they're asking for. If it's your mistake - you're paying for it because I just don't have a reason to.

17. Stupid questions - there is such a thing, I promise.

16. People that talk on the cell phone and drive 30 mph in the left lane with their blinker on and have no idea why everyone is passing them. MOVE OVER BEFORE I STICK THAT PHONE IN YOUR ASS!

15. "Friends" that only call you when they need a favor and then disappear, but drop an e-mail once a year to see if you'll still help them out. I'd like to tell the last one that did that to never call me again - I just don't have room in my life for that crap.

14. Honda's - I wish this import car movement would die, I'm tired of these morons with coffee can exhaust tips that think they have a fast car. Trust me, I have an entire stable of pure American Muscle that I have no problem putting the whip to for no other reason than to shame your sorry asses.

13. Toyota's - they're killing the last American Sport - NASCAR never should have let them in. Haven't you seen CART, and IRL? Don't you know how this is going to end?

12. Brian France - another reason Nascar is going downhill. You can't take money from everybody Brian, some day they're going to cash in on you. I hope I see a breaking news story one night where a Pepsi representative has taken you hostage and is threatening to shoot you. I promise, no one will pay the ransom. We might even pay them to shoot you.

11. Dale Jr. - sorry, he's not impressive and neither was his alleged Father. I watched the Nascar IMAX movie and it referred to Richard Petty as the King with 200 victories and seven championships. When they referred to the nimrods, they said "he beat and banged his way to seven championships." Sadly, some people can't see the problem with this.

10. Spam - both Internet and at home. Sorry, I don't need any more credit cards or herbal viagra. Keep it out of my inbox, and out of my garage.

9. The election 2004 - I'm already tired of it, and it's not even November yet.

8. John Kerry - he's a Nazi and a Communist Bastard. "I'm not for gay people, and I'm not against them. I'm also not for the NAACP, but I'm not against it. I'm a great war hero, does my hair look alright? I need to make sure it does because it's made of wax. Anyway, I took up sides against the US, and now I want to be the President because I'm a great Vietnam War Hero. I was there for an entire week."

7. People who ask you the same question over and over because they don't like the answer you gave - sorry, if someone says "no" that means they can't help you. If you read my earlier post, I had the misfortune of standing behind this woman at the post office and no matter how many times they told her they didn't have something - she still said she needed it. It's wonderful that you need it, but we just can't pull one out of our ass. If we did, I'm sure you'd want one that smells better.

6. Hotel Airconditioners - it's either Arctic Circle, or Hatcing Baby Chickens - those are the only two temperature choices we have.

5. Restaurant staff that can't handle two tables. Sorry, I used to wait tables (maybe that's why I hate dealing with the public), it just wasn't that hard. People piss you off, people say rude things. However, if you have time to stand around and talk to your friends while your people are without drinks - you're doing something wrong. Don't go home wondering why no one tipped you. I still will, but I won't be happy about it.

4. Websites that say "Under Construction." If you can't roll out a finished product - don't put crap out there because it's only going to piss people off.

3. My Job - I think my feet are telling me it is time to go. It's not that I don't like what I do, or the people here, but somethings come about recently that I think is going to leave me high and dry. I'm going to wait and see how the latest situation pans out. If it doesn't pan out very well - I may be knocking the dust off of my resume.

2. Our office whiner. Man, I can't wait till she leaves. When she does, I'm going to call her at home and say "Hey guess what, we're still in business today and you're not here." She seems to think we won't function without her. Businesses will function without buildings, or a full staff because they have to. One person that whines all the time is useless and I assure you the business yearns to move forward without you here.

1. Wow, finally to number one. The number one thing I'm bored with, tired of, and pissed at would have to be phone solicitors. I've finally taken to saying "sure, let me go get Mr. Mowatez for you," then laying the phone down until they hang up. I had a guy make it 10 minutes here recently. Somehow or another, he called back and said "I think somethings wrong with your phone. I heard a faint noise (us laughing) but never got an answer." If you can't pronounce my name, don't call. Seriously, you're not fooling anyone.


Amen! ;-)
posted by Blogger Good Wife at 4:24 PM  
I'd like to know which "ass clown" morning DJs you're talking about :).
posted by Blogger Chas at 9:54 PM  
Mrs. Mowatez agrees. Our name is not that hard. Glad you are having fun with this.
posted by Blogger Jen at 4:29 PM  
I'm up WAY past my bed time, but I stumbled across your blog and have to say your Top 25 are GREAT! I'm laughing with tears in my eyes and couldn't agree more with your entry. Hillarious and well said. Thank you for the fun read.
posted by Blogger Insanity Infusion at 1:33 AM  
Thanks man - I appreciate it. I'm glad to know some people still read this.
posted by Blogger Raul Duke at 9:37 AM  

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