Thursday, May 08, 2008

Five Things...

I'm bored with, tired of, and pissed at. But first...a quick update.

Saw Iron Man on opening weekend and it kicks ass. There were extended trailers for The Hulk, Indiana Jones, and a lucky few got to see The Dark Knight trailer. All of them look awesome. Been busy here at the store, we renovated the bathroom because it was disgusting and the ho's were damn near going to strike if it didn't get better. So now the bathroom is the nicest place in the building. The Hot Wife started her second to last class the other night so summer is probably going to suck just a little for us because as usual it's a class full of group work. Fencing still kicks ass and I suck pretty bad at it right now, but I've lost another couple pounds doing it. That's about it from us. So on to the five things...

5. Alex Trebek - Yes...Alex sucks. He's smug, and he makes fun of people who don't know the answers. I would really like to see an episode where the losing contestants quiz Alex. I imagine that years of reading cards hasn't done anything for him. Alex better pray that Jeopardy keeps refusing my applications because I would probably come across the floor and pile drive his greasy canadian ass through his podium.

4. Do you know which books I need? - Yes. I'm a frickin bookstore here people. My job is based solely on knowing what books you need so stop questioning me or I'll make it a point to come to your job and ask you if you know how to do it on a regular basis. (Can anybody tell that summer semester is getting close and college kids are getting dumber?)

3. Cutting people off for sport - at least that's what I think it is. I've had people cut me off two days this week and their passenger was turned around laughing. So either we were supposed to be racing, which law abiding citizens and reverends typically don't do (okay...that's a lie. I did get busted last month for doing 93 in a 70), or cutting people off is some sort of underground movement that I haven't been let in on. The second person got the favor returned to them and realized that they did not have anti-lock brakes and the Jeep they were rapidly approaching did. As an added bonus the bumpers on my Jeep are sprayed with truck bed liner so pretty much nothing will damage them. This person was also given a shower of McDonalds sweet tea and let me tell you, if the bumpers don't scare you, a shower of sticky hot sweet tea should deter you from cutting off a man of the cloth like myself. Ass.

2. Gas prices - They only go up...they never come down. I'm not so much tired of them going up as I am hearing the bitching about it, as well as the lame ass excuses. We have to have gas to drive so grab a straw and embrace the suck. If you think for one minute that fucktard hippies like Ben Jones are going to have any impact on me buying a hybrid, or driving less you are in for a rude awakening. Gas companies are going to charge what they want because they can. They just need to come out and say "Our CEO wants a new Yacht so he'll have an even dozen, so our profits have to be somewhere in the high hundred billions this year. Thanks for using (insert gas raper...I mean company name here)!" I'd be happier. Just be honest and tell me that you're just going to fuck me because you know you can.

1. American Idol - Oh my God! Did you hear who got voted off this week? No. I did not. I refuse to watch America's largest and insanely over glorified Karaoke contest. I'm tired of hearing clips of Randy saying "Listen Dawg...I'm bout to tell ya how it iz yo Dawg!" I'm tired of people saying "Did you see how mean Simon was? He's SO MEAN!" Yeah, I'm sure he gets paid to be a dick. I'm sure it's in his contract that if he has too much nice to say he gets fired. The other thing I'm tired of is Paula. Make no mistake, I had many a fantasy about Paula Abdul in my middle school years. What I'm tired of is "Oh my God! Is Paula drunk?" Yes. Paula is shitfaced out of her mind. Wouldn't you be if you once had a career and now you're subjected to watching hippies and fags sing shitty karaoke while hearing "listen dawg!" in one ear and a smug limey tell them they suck? I'd drink until my liver exploded if that was how I had to grasp on to the fame and fortune I once had.

That's it from your friendly neighborhood bookstore this week.