Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Thank you Blockbuster!

So after my DVD buying frenzie at Circuit City this weekend I needed to get rid of some extra's and movies we don't watch. I thought I'd trade some at Blockbuster because they usually guarantee $5 for anything you trade in. So I trade in two movies and the guy said "Their appears to be a credit on your account. Did you want that on the card as well?" I couldn't imagine what we had a credit for, but told him that would be fine. He told me the credit was for two movies that we had been billed for, returned, and then were sold. We never paid for these movies. They gave us around $40 in credit for absolutely nothing. So I took that as a sign to buy four movies and rent two. We still have $10 leftover as credit. I'm not sure how this worked out, but we now have four new movies that we wanted but couldn't justify paying for. On the downside they wouldn't take The Forgotten in trade because they had too many of them, and it's a crappy movie. If I never reviewed that one, don't bother. It just wasn't that good.

Well, tomorrow is December 1st which means we only have 24 shopping days until Christmas. Anybody got anything really good on their Christmas list? Me personally, just a lot of tools. That's about it from here. The lights should go on the house and the decorations should go on the new tree this week.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Fried Turkeys and Movie Reviews

So the Turkey fry went well. It took a long time to fry all the turkeys for everyone but it ended up being pretty fun. We had to fry in the garage so the basement smells like a McDonalds right now but we're airing it out. The turkeys turned out good and my dad finally stopped going nuts...temporarily I'm sure but we made it through the turkey fry alright.

We've been in a serious movie mode lately so we've seen a bunch of them. My hot wife had some of her friends come in town this weekend so we went and saw Just Friends. It's a pretty funny movie, I didn't laugh near as hard as I did at The Wedding Crashers, but it was funny. It was worth seeing, but you might want to check out a matinee.

We started Netflix again because obviously we need to increase our DVD collection. Last night we watched John Q and In Good Company. John Q was good. It was a pretty heartfelt drama and I think it's based on a true story. Basically John's son needs a heart transplant and his insurance won't cover it. He tries to raise the money through church but the hospital still wants to discharge his son so he can watch his son die. After all his efforts fail, he takes the hospital hostage. It's not exactly an action movie but it's a good flick.

We rented In Good Company because we didn't get to see it in theaters. We'd heard it was just hilarious and I think the advertisements said it was the comedy of the year. It really wasn't funny. I can't say as I liked it all that much, but it was a decent story about corporate mergers and growing pains and things like that. I'll probably never watch it again, and I can't really say I'm glad I saw it. It's not even in the chic flic category so I'm not sure where to place it. Basically I can do without this movie.

Circuit City had a $5 sale on movies Friday morning so I got copies of Donnie Brasco, The Last Boy Scout, Blade Runner, Black Hawk Down, Femme Fatale (yeah, it was weird), In the Line of Fire, Original Sin, and the Unrated Version of Wild Things. I watched Wild Things, it had maybe 30 seconds of footage different from the original movie. Not near the hype it's given on the front cover but the extra scenes do have something to add that the original did not.

I hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving. If you ever feel you're at a shortage for turkey, just let me know and we'll FedEx you some fried turkey.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Phone lines down.

So, some time last night before I left the phones went down. I figured it's because it was raining cats and dogs, and it was Monday so I left early. Not much happening anyway. Today the phones are still down so I called from my cell phone thinking it would be quick. I was transferred to four different people and then put on hold. I hung up and sent an e-mail. They replied that they were working on my phone lines, but that I was welcome to call next time I had a problem. Not only that, he gave me their number, like I didn't have it, so I could call. So I e-mailed back this:

Hey, thanks for the heads up on that phone number. As I mentioned in my original e-mail, I did call so I have your number. Making phone calls when your phones are down is a difficult thing to do and since the hold button seems to be the best friend of everyone in your company I sent an e-mail. Thanks for attending to my phone problems, I really appreciate it.

A few minutes later, I get this (copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure):

Again, we at (evil company) would like you to know that if this is an emergency you can call directly at 555-555-5555. We've started a ticket on your situation and they should be back up any minute now. In the mean time, if you need immediate assistance you may call us at 555-555-5555. Thanks again for using (evil company).

Seriously, do I sound like someone that can use a phone to call out right now? Maybe I'm not making myself clear enough:

Maybe you're missing the point. You do understand that my phones aren't working right? How in the world would I call you people if my phones are down. Thank you for starting the ticket, again I appreciate you working to help me.

My phone rings, it's Evil Company.

"Hey, this is Sven from Evil Company. We were just calling to test your phones. We knocked out your internet and restarted the box on your building and it was working fine. We found your phone problem when we did some other tests. If you'd called us and let us know your phones were down we could have fixed them yesterday." It's the holidays, I figured he had to be messing with me so I just said thanks. Next time I'd be more specific.

Tomorrow is the big turkey fry. If my dad doesn't go completely nuts, it should go over pretty well. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Movie Review - Harry Potter

So Friday was a very rushed day for me. I went to Atlanta for the morning to look at some software for the store. It looks like we're going to get it so it was a worth while trip. Some friends of ours have just moved back in to town so we went to see a movie with them. They said "We'll do dinner and a movie on Friday, and we'll make dinner." Fine. They bought tickets to a 7:00 show. I was doing 90-100 in my mother-in-laws car to try to make it there and back in time. I got to the movie theater at 6:50 and hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. They were making dinner so that was fine. Just before the movie starts they said "Sorry guys, we forgot to make dinner." That was it. So my hot wife and I sat there absolutely starving through the entire two hour and forty five minute movie.

Now for the movie. I don't know that I would say it's the best one of the series, but it's pretty damn good. As long as it was, it almost seemed like they cut it short. It seemed like there was more to it that they skipped. In the other movies you know when the seasons change throughout the school year. This one had the feeling of "Hey, it's Christmas...remember New Years two months ago? Well, time to head home for the summer, be sure to write occasionally." The movie was good, and worth seeing in the theaters for sure. If you don't like the Harry Potter movies then obviously your name is Mike. I give the movie four stars just because it did seem like it was missing something. I'm not a fan of the book, but the book people I know say the books are better. I'm more of a visual guy so I like the movies.

As for the rest of our weekend, we had some friends over on Saturday and watched The Longest Yard again. They hadn't seen it and it's funny so we watched it again. Most of the day Sunday we cleaned crap out of the garage. We got rid of boxes of stuff. It's very liberating really. Where we used to not be able to walk through the garage, we know have a work out area with a punching bag for me, and an arts and craft area for my hot wife. I was hoping to make it a parking lot for the Cuda, but looks like I lost that one...for now. Wednesday we get to fry up some turkeys for everyone for Thanksgiving. Our flaky bastard neighbor said he wanted one, but seemed non-commital about it when I told him he had to provide the turkey. I was shocked. That's it from our neck of the woods.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Our neighbors suck!

Okay, my wife and I have lived in our house for almost a year now. I usually try to socialize with the people around us, because they're our neighbors and that's what you should do. Anyway. When we moved in nobody really came to say hi or introduce themselves so we took it upon ourselves to meet our new neighbors. The neighbors next to us will be called A&M. He's a Nascar fan, works in his yard a lot, and I think he just turned 28. You'd think we'd get along fine. The first time I met his wife, M, she was wearing a bikini on the back porch...she was mortified. I laughed. His wife is actually not bad looking, but that's beside the point. We invited them over for dinner a few weeks ago. We had found some wild salmon at the Fresh Market so we'd said "Hey, we're grilling salmon for dinner - you guys wanna come?" They were ecstatic. We get home, start prepping the food and they're gone. Nowhere near the house. So I start the grille and get the salmon ready. Then they're on their back porch so I said "Hey guys, you still gonna eat dinner with us?" They came down and talked for a minute and told us that they ate dinner because in the span of two hours they forgot we were having them over. Fine. If this was a one time thing I could understand, but he's a flaky bastard. We grilled not long ago for some friends and he came out and asked what was going on, almost like he was fishing for an invite. So I said "You guys are welcome, we've got plenty of food, but I'm sure you've eaten dinner." He had a shocked look and said "How'd you know?" I told him it was a lucky guess, but eventually he'd cave on dinner because the smell of a charcoal grill with chicken smoking on it would get to him at some point. He sucks. At least she looks good in a bikini while washing her car. Still, they both suck. Furthermore, they have the best lawn on the street. Have I mentioned they suck?

Neighbors on the other side are older, with now three kids. Nice people. We don't talk much. The other day I was out working on the car, and she complimented the Cuda. Then she asked if I was still working at my old job (uh huh, start with a compliment...). I told her I'd moved on and she said "well, I really needed a set of tires for our van and I was hoping you could still get me a discount. Do you think that's possible?" I can count the number of times on one hand that we've spoken. The fact that I couldn't have gotten her tires for her van if I was still there is beside the point. What kind of people do this? Our neighbors that's who. They also have two German shepherds that bark every time we come in or out of the house, and some times through the night I think just to keep us awake. When the Jeep broke, I fired up the Cuda to head to work in at 6:30 am. My hot wife was mad saying I'd woken everyone up, and since the exhaust pipes fire right in to their bedroom window (they really do) she was worried they were mad at us and wide awake. Seeing as how their dogs STILL bark at me, I don't care. Had I thought a little harder I would have done a big smokey burnout all the way up the street.

Across the street we have someone that we'll just nickname Hakmid Spitinthewind. Yeah. He never cuts his grass, or does any type of yardwork. His yard is mostly dirt and rock so when he cuts it, it has this pigpin (read that as pigpin from Charlie Brown) effect and the entire neighborhood is covered in a giant dust cloud. The solar lights he lined his sidewalk with are all broken and fall over a lot. I don't think I've ever seen them put off any light. He has towels and sheets hanging over all the windows in his house - not curtains. I'm no decorator, but that should give you a good visual of his house. Dad thinks he's a terrorist living among us. I was outside once with our flaky neighbors when a collection group came to pick up his car. Sadly, this post made me think the same thing. He's moving. We were both overjoyed. He's still there.

The people next door to him just moved in and they're our age. Nice enough. No real judgement on them yet. Down from them is the preacher. Preacher is nice enough.

Up from Hakmid is an older couple with young kids. We've never met them. When my brother-in-law came over and finished up our flower beds, they brought him cookies and welcomed him to the neighborhood. Then, because he was working with his shirt off, she decided to sunbathe in the driveway in a bikini. This doesn't bother me because she's a larger woman. However, chocolate chip cookies that are still warm sucks. They're moving. A frickin year and my brother-in-law gets free cookies.

That's about it for our neighborhood. Our neighbors suck.

Monday, November 14, 2005

A weekend at the movies

While we had probably one of our most productive weekends since we've lived in our house, we did manage to see a couple of movies this weekend. Friday night was dinner with my parents. My mom made Chili. I do love some Chili. Afterwards we went to see A History of Violence with our friend John. It was good except for the ending. I thought it was a little slow, drug on a bit, but it wasn't bad. I really hated the ending. If anyone else has watched this, let me ask you - wouldn't it have done something for you if someone had just said "Mashed Potatoes Dad?" Just ANYTHNING! Seriously, it just ended. I probably would have been happy with a smile, wink, or even a frickin head nod. Oh well. It was good, but I probably won't watch it again or buy it. Saturday night we went and saw DeRailed with Jennifer Anniston and Clive Owen. I can't think of a guy on the planet that isn't a Jennifer Anniston fan, and she was hot in this movie. Clive Owen is slowly but surely proving he can be the next James Bond. The movie is good...really good. Fair warning, it's very intense, and very graphic. There is a scene at the beginning that I thought all four of us (we went with some friends) were going to just throw up. Not because it was gory, but it was just very graphic and intense. After the movie ended, it made more sense. I thought originally they could have left that out, but I don't think looking back on it the movie would have made you feel the way it did without it. I would talk about it more indepth but I don't think I can without giving away the movie. It was good. Another movie I'll probably not buy, but I'm glad I saw it. If you like suspense thrillers that can tie your stomach in knots, but make you stand up and cheer at the end, this movie is for you. At one point during the movie some guy randomly started yelling at the screen about what was going on. His commentary was pretty damn stupid and insanely not needed. I know what you're thinking "What did you say?" Yeah. This guy really said whatever it was loud enough for everyone to hear so I just said "Wow! Thank you for that man!" The people around us started laughing and he sunk down in his seat. He didn't say anything to us after the movie, nor did he feel the need to comment anymore. Be warned, if you see this movie it really will make you sick but you will leave the theater satisfied with how the movie played out. I would say wait until a matinee or a cheap theater, or maybe even a rental. As good as this movie is, it's really a one time only film. The second time, while you might pick up on some details I think it would be odd because you already know all the twists and turns it takes. Just my take on it.

Outside of that, we did some major house cleaning this weekend. We had some stuff that's been waiting around to go to a decent charity and it finally went yesterday. With all the cleaning we did, we've still got quite a few more boxes that can go so hopefully we'll get those out of the way and start on the garage this week. Currently, the closet and all clothing containers are well organized and in much better shape than they were. I hope everyone else had a good weekend, and thanks to everyone for making me realize my cousin is nuts and I'm not behind the times.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Polling all Bloggers

Okay friends, I've got a dilemma here. I'm standing before an etiquette question that I've never been faced with so I need a little help to make sure I'm not completely insane. In the mail this week we got an invitation from my cousin to his daughters first birthday party. His first daughter had one of these and it was an enormous production. They rented a party hall there were probably 100 people there with one of the largest piles of gifts I've ever seen. We didn't have that pile of gifts at our wedding, and that's not an exaggeration. Personally, I don't care about gifts or large numbers of people. My cousins seem to be somewhat extreme in both of these cases when it comes to themselves or birthday presents. The invite to the birthday party was no big deal. It was at their new house, and for about a day I'd considered going. The next day, we get another invitation from them. This is for a house warming party. I knew they'd bought a new house but I hadn't heard that much about it other than they paid $300k for it and don't have a basement. This is their third house since they've been married. Good for them. They're doing very well for themselves. Really, I'm happy. The invitation I'm going to type word for word, save for names and directions:

"You're invited to a house Warming!" (front cover)
(inside top)
"Gift ideas: Registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond,
Pottery Barn
Gift Cards, or Cash would be useful also!"
(names and directions here)
"Main colors: gold, sage, khaki, cranberry
Furniture: brown leather & dark wood
Likes black wrought iron accessories"

Now, the RSVP is to their cell phones. Let's be freakin realistic here people. This is insane. Not only that, it's one week after their daughters birthday party, and one week before thanksgiving. Basically we'd be committing three Saturdays to them (I think today is one of them but you can see how I feel about it at this point) all when we're expecting our own family. The birthday I can see how they can't get around that, it's pretty much set in stone. To me, this other gift invite is a piece of shit. If I sent invites to my friends and family that said "here is what to buy me, otherwise gift cards and cash work great" I think my parents would shoot me and I'd have no friends. The only other time I'd heard an inkling about this is when we had some friends over to our house after we moved in. We may have even sent invitations. People called to see where we were registered. I thought they'd gone crazy. I told one of my friends "Dude, our wedding registry at Target has probably expired. We've been married over a year now and you got us a nice wedding present." Which he did. For some reason he had it in his mind that you're supposed to bring a gift. Maybe we messed up. Maybe we should have charged admission. I personally never in a million years would have dreamed of sending horse shit like this to my friends and family. Oh yeah, I should also throw in that they've been married for like eight or 10 years and this is their third house. So tell me blogger friends, am I insane? Behind the times? An asshole? Or am I pretty much right on target with the etiquette here?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

America's Most Stolen Cars

This is the list...edited creatively for humor from

The popular 1995 Honda Civic was the top pick among thieves during the 2004 calendar year, according to the "Hot Wheels" report released in November 2005 by the National Insurance Crime Bureau (NICB).

In 2004, 1,237,114 motor vehicles were reported stolen which is a decrease of 23,357 vehicles from 2003. Overall in the U.S., car theft was down by almost two percent.

"The slight decrease in auto theft is a positive sign. It clearly shows that the American Public has poor taste in automobiles this year versus last year." said Robert M. Bryant, President and Chief Executive Officer of the NICB. "Seriously, a 1995 Honda Civic? I thought they'd give you one if you just went near a Honda dealership these days."

The most recent NICB report listed the 1989 Toyota Camry as the second most stolen vehicle, followed by the 1991 Honda Accord.

In fourth position, the 1994 Dodge Caravan was the highest-listed minivan as well as the most stolen domestic automobile. The Caravan was followed by three pickup trucks: the 2003 Dodge Ram1994 , the 1997 Ford F-150 and the Chevrolet C/K 1500, respectively.

The NICB encourages everyone to follow what it calls a "layered approach" to auto theft protection by employing simple, low-cost suggestions to make vehicles less attractive to thieves. The four layers include Common Sense, Warning Device, Tracking Device, and owning a car that no one wants.

The least expensive form of defense, common sense simply means locking your damn doors. "Studies show that 90 percent of cars stolen were unlocked with the keys in the ignition. In almost half of those the driver had left the car running, entered a gas station on their cell phone and were rendered completely oblivious to the world around them once their phone rang," says Bryant. "If people had common sense they'd still have their cars. If thieves had common sense they'd be stealing something more than Honda Civics." The second layer is a warning device. This can be anything from a blaster horn to a baseball bat. Studies show that people who carry large baseball bats or heavy sticks are less likely to be car jacked than those who do not.

The third layer takes a Tracking Device. "If you have more money than you know what to do with you can purchase a GPS locator for your car," says Bryant. "Honestly if someone is going to steal it they likely will just leave the GPS locator sitting in the parking lot where your car used to sit." The final layer suggests a non-desirable car, such as a Toyota Camry, and Honda Civic, or anything in the Kia line of vehicles. "We feel this fourth layer is bullet proof," says Bryant. "Who in the hell would steal a Kia? Our point exactly."

"We cannot determine with absolute certainty the reason why thieves steal some vehicles over others, " said Carole Comstock, CCC's vice president of marketing and product management. "We see these same lists every year and we're completely baffled by which vehicles are stolen because the top two or three are typically something that no one wants."

"The data also points to a high proportion of stolen cars that are built for speed such as the BMW M Roadster, Audi S4 and Mercury Marauder, which all appear on the top 25 most stolen vehicles list in 2004," said Comstock. "These are the respectable cars to steal which our researchers could understand. The Honda Civics still have us all stumped. Didn't these lame ass car thieves watch Gone in 60 Seconds? Did you see a Honda Civic on the list? Are you going to get away from anyone in anything Honda makes? It would make more sense to us if people stole something with some speed."

The NICB top ten list—the number in parentheses is the model year most stolen:

  1. Honda Civic (1995)
  2. Toyota Camry (1989)
  3. Honda Accord (1991)
  4. Dodge Caravan (1994)
  5. Chevrolet C/K 1500 (1994)
  6. Ford F-150 (1997)
  7. Dodge Ram Pickup (2003)
  8. Acura Integra (1990)
  9. Toyota Pickup (1988)
  10. Nissan Sentra (1991)

Most Stolen, Based on Insurance Theft Loss
The insanely overpriced Cadillac Escalade EXT pickup truck topped the list of the most recent study by the Highway Loss Data Institute (HLDI), which looks at the insurance theft losses reported for one- to three-year-old vehicles.

The Escalade EXT and Nissan Maxima, which is second on the HLDI list, have theft claim rates seven to eight times higher than the average for all cars. "This is the second year in a row that an Escalade is among the vehicles most likely to have a theft claim," said Kim Hazelbaker, HLDI senior vice president. "It appears people don't want to buy their own spinners and that they'd rather steal someone elses."

One of the likely reasons for the Escalade's popularity among thieves is the propensity for owners to outfit the big Cadillacs with expensive wheel packages, some costing as much as $10,000. Where wheels are popular on the Escalade, the Nissan Maxima's theft rate climbed dramatically in 2002 when the company made expensive high-intensity discharge headlights part of the car's standard equipment.

"Investigators tell us the high-intensity discharge headlights are often stolen because they fit into earlier Maximas that were sold without lights," Hazelbaker said. "For some reason headlights were an option on the Maxima's of that year that most consumers didn't know they had to purchase seperately. We blame this HID headlight crap on the Fast the Furious. Studies show people believe that stickers and headlights will make their car go faster when actually they're totally worthless in terms of performance. Seriously. What is an 89 Camry and a Nissan Sentra doing on the list anyway?"

Both studies show that car thieves stay away from the muscle car and 4X4 vechicle crowd and for good reason. "What you've got here is a group of theves that are good at picking locks and disabling electronic devices and not so good at fighting," says Bryant. "Our data shows that car thieves are 100 percent more likely to get beaten down buy a Muscle Car or a Jeep owner than a soccer mom in a mini-van or a college girl in a Honda Civic on her cell phone."

Thieves still prefer cars over SUVs or pickups—although large SUVs are becoming more common on the lists. In two separate studies, one from CCC and the other from the National Insurance Crime Bureau (NICB), at least seven of the 10 most commonly stolen vehicles in the United States are cars, with the Acura Integra, Toyota Camry, Honda Civic and Honda Accord prominent on the lists. However both studies show an increase in SUV theft.

The SUVs with the highest theft rates, according to the CCC 2004 stolen vehicle report, are the 2004 Cadillac Escalade and the 1998 Land Rover Range Rover.

According to Bryant, "Vehicle thieves follow market trends and target the most popular vehicles because they provide the best market for stolen vehicle parts and illegal export to other countries. You wouldn't think of car thieves as trendy people, but our studies show they certainly can be."

The CCC reports the ten most stolen vehicles for 2004 are as follows:

  1. 1999 Acura Integra
  2. 2002 BMW M Roadster
  3. 1998 Acura Integra
  4. 1991 GMC V2500
  5. 2002 Audi S4
  6. 1996 Acura Integra
  7. 1995 Acura Integra
  8. 2004 Mercury Marauder
  9. 1997 Acura Integra
  10. 1992 Mercedes-Benz 600

The study is based on total loss claims received from more than 350 property and casualty insurers in North America and compares the number of vehicles stolen and not recovered against vehicle registration volume information provided by R.L. Polk & Co., to determine the rate of theft. "Now this list is just crazy," claims Bryant. "Do these kids really believe the Acura will outrun a Corvette as the Acura dealers claim? It's just not possible."

While both studies have different lists, they are both about stolen cars. "I guess this just ups the resale value on Hondas," says Bryant. "It's probably all a ploy by the manufacturer to make their cars seem more desirable."

This list creatively edited on Miles Away from Ordinary for Entertainment Purposes Only and is in no way affiliated with MSN in any shape form or fashion.

Sirius radio is awesome...

So I've said it before, but I like it. I found a station (Sirius 21 for the satellite radio gifted) that I really like. The music is unedited, and the DJ is pretty funny. I think they're limited to time they can spend on the air, but thanks to Orson Wells and his War of the Worlds broadcast, radio stations have to identify themselves periodically. This guy has been making bets on Monday night Football for Hurricane Katrina relief. You bet him $30 and if he wins your money goes to the relief effort, if you win, his money goes to the relief effort and you get to make him play a song, or prank him on the air. He lost on Monday because the Colts beat the Patriots (finally) so he was playing songs and dedicating them to people and one guy pranked him....really good. He came on the air laughing and said "This is what I get for betting on the Patriots. Here is Franz Ferdinand on Alt Nation 21...geez...I have an embarrassingly small penis. Thanks New England." One of the people that beat him made him say that on the air. The next guy just requested Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm personally not a fan of them, just not. So the guy sent his letter in saying he saw them live and they were great. His response "Really? You've seen them live? If anyone out there sees the Chili Peppers live and they play something you've not heard and let us know. If any band needs some new material it has to be them." No kidding.

In other news, phone and internet was down all day yesterday so when the phones were working apparently some lines were crossed because some guy called looking for his girlfriend Stephi...yeah...not Stephanie...Stephi. He called five times and got me every time. He couldn't believe he had the wrong number, he thought I was with Stephi and wanted me to quit wasting his time and put her on the phone. So he started cussing and telling me he KNEW she was there and didn't know who I thought I was... So I gave in. "You're right man, I've got Stephi here but she's tied up. Seems she likes it rough. If you don't mind I'm working here and should really get back to it." He went ballistic. "Man! I'm comin to get you! Who you think you is??? You best be lettin her go befo I get there!!!" I probably shouldn't have done that, but if he really wasn't dialing my number then he doesn't know who he called. Hopefully he found Stephi and learned she wasn't tied up by any strange man in the middle of the day.

Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm an Asshole

Yeah, I'm sure most of you already knew this, but this weekend I've proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt so if any of you are still undecided on this one, you'll be decided shortly. Let's start with solicitations. I've blogged before about how to deal with phone and mail solicitors as ways to relieve stress. Sometimes it works. I got a call early Saturday morning and informed them that we do not take sales calls on Saturday mornings so she hung up. Anyway, we've been getting a lot of them here lately. Instead of my usual tactics of making them wait or telling them that I'm dead I've gone to a new level of jackass with them. Now I've either been screaming in to the phone really loud and hanging up, or I've been blasting them with an air horn...then hanging up. Neither of which they seem to appreciate.

Friday night we saw Better Than Ezra. They put on a fantastic show and were probably too big for the venue they were playing in. I'll let my wife review that show, but I will say I had a really good time. My post is going to be about their opening act. This guy gets up on stage with a guitar wearing a ghostbusters shirt. Then he closed his eyes and broke in to song. I thought for a second someone in the audience had gotten bored waiting on BTE but that wasn't the case. After two songs that sounded exactly the same, he said in his first address of the audience "In case you all are wondering I'm from Atlanta and I'm a Ghostbuster...when...when I'm there. That' I'm wearing the shirt." Then he broke in to another song. After two or three he picks up an Accordian. Think I'm kidding?
Yeah, this stuff is just too good to make up. I was not able to contain myself seriously. I laughed so hard I'm pretty sure everyone in the bar could hear me. We ended up finding a girl I went to high school with that I haven't seen in years so we watched the show with them and I was laughing so hard they started laughing, and then the people next to us started laughing. I know this guy heard me. Somehow in my laughter I said "What's next Bagpipes or a Banjo?" I had to leave before I made this guy so mad that we were kicked out so I went to the bar to get my hot wife and I a drink. I laughed inside most of the way there. I told the bartender what we wanted and he whipped up some mess of liquors and mixers that it looked like vomit. I'd ordered my wife the ever fru fru Raspberry Vodka and soda. He said "No seriously, I made this for her last time. She liked it." I said "You didn't make it last time dumbass and that looks like three day old barf. Who the hell would drink that?" He said maybe it was someone else so he made me the fru fru drink she was after. At least I ordered a Corona so he couldn't screw that up. Back to our spot on the floor with my hot wife and an old friend and I started laughing again. Opening Act guy had pulled out a banjo. I lost it. It was too much. I know he heard me because the host came on stage and told him to cut it short. Poor guy, his songs were good but he just was depressing and his songs all sounded alike. I thought about buying his CD for a good comic relief but he was standing next to the stand where they were selling them and I knew if I walked up he'd say "Aren't you the asshole that was laughing through my entire set?" I could just see that not going well in my mind. Finally BTE took the stage and they were an awesome show.

On the way out, I ran in to an ex-girlfriend from high school. I could spend days blogging about what an evil bitch this girl was and is but no one wants to read that. I was talking to a friend from my former place of work and out of the bathroom walks my ex-girlfriend. In addition to her being a horrid bitch, she's very prissy. She can't walk by a reflective surface without stopping to check her hair, clothes and make-up. She always thinks she has to look perfect and she's extremely self conscious. When I met my wife (then known as the hot girl from my calc 2 class) she found out and would call or e-mail me to find out why I was dating someone. We'd been broken up for almost two years at this point so that should give you some idea. We still run in to her grandparents on occasions but that's a story I'll share later. Back to the matter at hand. The show is over, I'm talking to a friend, the wife is in line in the bathroom. Out of the bathroom walks the creature from the Avon Lagoon. Did I mention she was so covered in make-up on a regular basis that she'll look like a saddle bag when she's 30? Yeah. It's bad. I've applied bondo to a wrecked car thinner than she wears make-up. I see her and (not) accidently blurt out "Oh Fuck." She sees me and gives me a look like she can't believe I'm there. Here is the funny part. Her hair is an absolute wreck, and she's vomited in it. I'm assuming it was hers, but either way, she did have vomit in her overly bleached blonde hair. I thought she'd been trampled so I laughed and turned away. She walks over, gets in my face and says "Hhheeeyyy" in a drunken stupor. I said "Too much to drink?" At this point she had to lean on someone to continue to stand and she said "Yep. I need to get out of here." I said "Well, drive drunk and kill yourself bitch." I got some funny looks from people around me but she did leave and that was the goal. I'm really nice to almost all of my ex-girlfriends but for some reason just not her. I really think it's because I'm an asshole. I have to be.

Outside of that, the weekend was good. Got little accomplished but did manage to see Jarhead. It's good, go see it.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Movie Reviews

In between our favorite TV shows we've managed to catch a few movies over the weekend. Seeing as how I love movies, it's nice to get to watch stuff blow up at home and shake the house, or make the neighbors ask "What movie were you guys watching last night?" Cool.

Batman Begins - Okay, so I reviewed it this summer after we saw it in the theaters. I'd say it was tied with Episode III for best movie of the year. It was great. I love that movie and with any luck, Mike and I will start a tumbler project next fall. It's way better than any of the other Batman movies, and if you can get past Katie Holmes (who really only visits the movie) you'll look forward to the sequel too. It's going to be awesome.

Longest Yard - So it's a remake. It's still funny. My wife hates Adam Sandler movies and I think even she liked this one. It's worth a rental and maybe even a copy. Not something you should buy and watch repeatedly, but it's funny.

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days - Yeah, this one was my wifes pick. It's as predictable and corny as a chic flick can be. No girls in their underwear or random nakedness so no real value for guys. It was moderately funny but it's not something I'll pop in the DVD player just for fun. Me watching this should open the door for the Star Wars Saga...meaning the wife should sit down and watch all of them. She hasn't seen them. Weird isn't it?

Doom - Saw this one in the theater with Mike. It's pretty good. Glad we saw a matinee. If you're a big fan of the game you'll probably like it. The fight scene at the end with the Rock was dumb, but typical Rock fighting. There should have been more big aliens rather than just people turning in to psychotic aliens. Probably not one I'll watch again.

Office Space - A Classic. What I saw of this last night made me so glad I don't work in an office. It's just been re-released in a With Flair Edition. The deleted scenes are funny and the gift pack is corny. I haven't played with the DVD ROM features yet, but I'll get to it.

I did get to buy Episode III on DVD the other night but haven't had a chance to sit down and watch it. This weekend isn't looking so hot either, but eventually I'll get to. Now I'm just waiting for the Saga Pack to come out. Yes, I bought the trilogy and own the other three individually but I am going to buy the large $100 movie set when it comes out. It's okay, I'm a Star Wars dork but so are all the cool people.