Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Five things...

These are five things that should immediately get you punched in the face with no recourse of any form.

1. "I just didn't see you. I was on my cell phone." Seriously. A lady ran me in to the ditch yesterday so I followed her to express my feelings on the matter and all she could say was "I just didn't see you because I couldn't turn to the left with my phone up to my face." I reached for the phone to stomp it in the ground but she withdrew it.

2. "Can you tell me what classes I'm in?" No. I can't. If you're that much of a retard that you can't locate your schedule, print a schedule, or obtain a copy of it in some way shape or form, you shouldn't be in college. This is among my frequently asked questions here at work.

3. In reference to some parts I'm selling online. "Is there a chance you'll take the new ones off and let me have those since you have a spare set? Then you can keep the old ones." Wow. I hadn't thought of buying new parts to give them away. This must be a new practice I'm not familiar with.

4. "No Habla Ingles." I don't think I have to elaborate much on this one. If you can't speak English and are working in this country, a very violent face punching should be in your future.

5. And the fifth and final one. Sales calls. They've taken to leaving us messages now. "Hi, this is Andy and I'm calling to offer you a fixed mortgage rate of .00005 percent for up to 30 years. If you can call me back at 1-770-555-5555 we'll get you set up." Seriously, if I was going to call you back I'm not paying for the call, and you have to pronounce my name right for me to even begin to consider it. Either way, if you're a sales call and you make the mistake of calling, then make the mistake of leaving me a need to be punched in the face. Hard.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

RumRunners hit Indy

Work has been busy this week so posting has been mostly out. Yesterday out of nowhere 30 cases of books were dropped off unexpectedly. Honestly I was expecting them to be here next week, and if nothing else they usually call to let us know that they're coming. By they, I mean the freight company. They just showed up yesterday morning with a lot of books. I'm guessing more will show up this week, but we will see. Anyway, Saturday night we took our neighbors to see the Firestone Indy 200 in Nashville. We had two extra tickets and they just happened to be a fan of Indy racing. As big of a Nascar fan as I've been in life, I'm going to have to say they suck. This is a much better kind of racing. I would love to get more in to this sport. Currently we're considering going to the race in Kentucky as well. At any rate, it was a good race, a good show, and a good day out at the track. They also have something that Nascar doesn't have...

Need I say more? I didn't think so.

After smuggling rum in to the movie theater as any good pirate would do, the neighbor and I decided that just wasn't good enough. We need to find every venue that doesn't allow rum and somehow find a way to sneak it in. After Indy, I think we need to take it to the next level. We load up the cooler with the appropriate amount of Cokes and Captain Morgan Tatoo. When we hit the gate and they inspect the cooler this fat bastard tells us we have to open the cooler for inspection. Seriously, if I was going to bring something in that's contraband, is this guy really going to stop me? No. Not really. I don't care how much pro-rasslin this fat turd watches, he's not going to stop anyone. Anyway, he finds the rum in the cooler and says "Uh...that thar wine ain't goin in. It's gotta go." Being the antagonistic asshole not to be denied of my rum at a kick ass sporting event, I said "That's good for us because we don't have any wine," and I proceeded to close the cooler and walk in. I was of course greeted by a triple extra large security shirt and a very sweaty "You can throw them in the garbage, but you can't take them in." I looked at him and said "Jesus man, this is rum. It's not wine! So what's the score here...where do we stand?" He insisted that we throw the rum away or he wouldn't let us in. So we agreed that we'd take it back to the car. We turned the corner, stuffed the 10 miniature bottles of rum in the many short pockets we had between us and walked in. I think this guy has the memory span of a goldfish because we walked right past him with the same cooler and he of course didn't remember us. The race was good, and much better with all things are.

So does anybody have any ideas on the next place to smuggle rum? Perhaps we should start a contest and see who can find the hardest place to sneak in rum, and see if we can actually do it. I've heard rumor that Hooters is coming back in town this weekend so we might have to make a smuggling to the movie theater to see Pirates of the Caribbean again. That's all I have for now. Lots of work to get done today.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean

Seeing as I'm a huge movie dork I'm sure no one was shocked to hear I went to see this one on opening night. I'm not a big enough dork that I go at midnight in costume, but I have gone at midnight and made fun of people in costume. At any rate, I figured this was a movie that would be good to see opening night, with a bottle of rum. Rum is slowly replacing Tequila as my favorite liquor, and not just because of the movie. Mostly because we found a cool Pirate looking bottle of Captain Morgan's Private Stock, and it was good. Tastes good in coke or through a straw. Anyway, a movie with this kind of rum jokes is almost rum required. So, on my way home I grabbed a six pack of cokes, a six pack of Dr. Pepper (since we visited the Dr. Pepper museum in Waco, I've been on a Dr. Pepper kick) and a bottle of rum. The guy at the store was trying to convince me to buy Admiral Neptune or some off brand...but hell no...not today thank you kindly. This trip had to have the good stuff. No exceptions. So, I drank maybe a fourth of the four 20 oz Cokes and Dr. Peppers I had and filled them back up with rum, then threw them in the freezer. I made the wife carry a much larger purse with ice packs in it, but it was good stuff. Not sure why I thought that was so cool, but somehow smuggling rum in to a pirate movie made it more fun.

So, on to the movie review. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest picks up almost where the second movie left off. It's good, not very slow, action packed, and is of course a cliffhanger because they've already filmed the third one. The movie is somewhat predictable, but has a twist at the end I wasn't expecting. The crew is back, so you'll see the smokin hot Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp - who should have his name legally changed to Captain Jack Sparrow, and Orlando Bloom. The starts with Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan getting arrested on their wedding day, so Will sets out to find Captain Jack for his help and the movie goes from there. We find out that Jack is a cursed man and he plays everybody in the film to get rid of his curse. If it works or not, we don't know because we're waiting for the third movie Memorial Day Weekend 2007. That really pisses me off. They could release that movie at Christmas and the triology would be complete but they're making us wait a year. Also, while we're on the level of dumbass things to do, there is a live action Transformers movie coming out July 4, 2007 as well. I'm not making that up. Anyway, the movie was good, I recommend the rum and Dr. Pepper so you'll feel more like a pirate, but it's a good one to see in theaters.

Outside of that, I went skiing for the first time in five or six years and I hurt in places I wasn't aware I had muscles. And I'm sunburned. That kinda sucks, but maybe I'll tan and my arms won't be so white anymore. I hope everyone else enjoyed their weekend. The summer of movies is almost over so I guess it's time to catch up on the Netflix movies we have.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Back from Waco

Well we made it home safe and sound at about 3:30 Wednesday morning. Waco was a lot of fun, and visiting the brother-in-law and his girlfriend was fun too. We saw the Waco Zoo, drank a lot of rum on 6th Street in Austin, drank tequila by the apartment pool, and I even toured the Baylor University bookstores while we were there. Not much to see really since none of the five are independant. Oh well. Airport security was fun. I haven't flown since like 1993 so I was in for a treat. I kept having to tell myself that anything I said would likely get me detained. I decided I'd sport my new Chaco's since my Dad told me I'd have to take my shoes off nine times. While walking through airport security, my hot wife decided she wouldn't really have to take her shoes off since they were sandals. She sports new Chaco's as well. I walked through the metal detector and this 400lb woman looks back at the hotness of my wife in her fashionable Chaco's, honest to God she raises a hand and snaps her finger and yells "Erboday who don't be takin day shoooz off, WILL be subject to addishunal secrurity insprections! No Erxcepshuns!" I was laughing inside, and maybe a little on the outside, but I wasn't sure what to laugh more at, the fact that the security woman was snapping her fingers and threatening to take my wife in to custody, or the fact that my wife had to take off rubber sandals to go through a metal detector. There are plenty of good stories from the week to share and I'll post pictures once we pull them off the camera. As a preview, we saw the Waco Zoo, Austin's famous 6th Street where I got a fake tattoo that I'm considering making permanent, got a tour of the Branch Davidian site (they really don't like the words compound or cult) from a real cultist (good pictures on that one to follow), and took time to see the Dallas Aquarium free of charge. Other than that, lots of tequila and rum were consumed and we took time out one night to see the movie Cars. Good flick by the way. I know that no Fourth of July celebration is complete without Fireworks, and lucky us after our flight was delayed four hours we got to see some fireworks shows as we were flying over Dallas. Not much else happening, just wanted to let you guys know we were home safe and everything is back to normal for the most part.