Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Five Things...

I'm bored with, tired of, and pissed at. This might become a regular thing here on the blog. There are so many but todays list is short.

1. College Students. Not really all of them, just the ones that you have to wonder who took their entrance exam so that they might go to college. Kids so stupid that when asked "What class are you in?" they smart back with "How the hell am I supposed to know that? Isn't that YOUR job buddy?" Yes, this happened, and yes it was all I could do not to punch someone in the face. The other half of this is buybacks. Kids want to sell books back that they've had since they were Freshman and they are now getting ready to graduate. Yes, editions change every 18 months, and yes it sucks for all of us when they do. Telling me that someone here told you that book would always have value isn't going to make me buy it back. It is going to make me angry...and you're not gonna like me when I'm angry.

2. That stupid Cisco commercial. I swear if someone ever sends me a video file or a V-Cast message of some kid dancing in his kitchen to a dumbass song like that one...I'm going to find you and punch you in the face. That commercial makes me so violent I could punch babies. Not Baby L of course...but it makes me pretty mad.

3. Britney Spears and K-Fed. Yes, I was among every other male that thought she was hot when she first hit the music scene. Now we're tired of her. I don't care that there might be a sex tape out there, or that K-Fed wants 50 billion dollars from her because he's a tool and his rap CD sold two copies. Don't get me wrong, if the sex tape hits the net I'll watch it because I'm sure it will be funny. However, if those two are never on my TV again you'll never hear me complain.

4. This "Tuner" movement. I know I should probably be excited that kids are in to their cars and this tuner crap is what they have available to them. Every dumbass in a Dodge Neon or Honda Accord has decided they can outrun my new car. If not on the road they decide to stop me in a parking lot to tell me that one day they're going to have a turbo kit and have 500HP. When asked "What have you got now?" The response is always a whopping 125HP and a zero to 60 time of about five minutes. I honestly don't give a shit that one day you might scrape enough money together to have five nitrous bottles, a bigger coffee can sticking out the ass end of your car, and some other part that you saw in Fast and the Furious that may or may not exist. If you can't do it right now, there is no need for you to start this conversation or rev your engine, or ask to run for pinks. I eat Seven Series BMW's for breakfast, when you can do that we'll talk. Good for you if you can beat me. I still have a new Dodge Charger. If you can't, don't be suprised if you make me angry enough to choke the life out of you and set your "tuner" car on fire.

5. Hillary Clinton. You know, I think it's great that she's keeping the mullet hair cut in style. I think its great that she might run for President in 2008. Honestly, either way I'm just tired of seeing her on my TV. Telling me on that America does not support it's troops (yes, she said something and I took it that way so don't try to change my mind about it) makes me angry. We all have friends and family serving over seas in some form. Did they decide to start a war so they could leave their loved ones behind? No. They're following orders. I don't care where you stand on the war in Iraq, and I especially don't care where she stands on the war in Iraq or our troops. I'm happy that our troops are our troops and that someone is defending my right to blast that Democtratic Diesel Dike on my blog. I really wish someone would shave that crazy womans head and paint it red so she would be off my TV and I wouldn't have to hear that she's trying to run for President and the opposing parties are trying to block her from running for President. I just want her catfish lips and her mullet off my TV.

That's it for now. Just ranting. Pray for our troops, have a good week.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

An Ode to the Jeep of Doom

Well friends, the time for the Jeep of Doom came this weekend. No, it didn't break down or die. Probably in my life it will be the most reliable car I've owned. As far as cost went I probably didn't spend $2000 on abnormal repairs over our seven year run together. This was the Jeep I got shortly after I started dating my wife, and it's service has been phenominal. Even when I was driving 40 miles a day to work it answered the call plugging away relentlessly mile after mile. Yes friends, the Jeep of Doom has no equal. However, it's no longer in active service. The Jeep now rests behind the house and will only be called upon for trips to Lowe's, Home Depot, and probably on days when we take the dog to the park, or on fun summer days when the day calls for a topless blast to work and back. I'm sure the Jeep appreciates the rest, and knows that it's better for it to live out the rest of its days as back up to the rest of the fleet. I'm sure whenever called upon the Jeep of Doom will rise to the occasion with the same joy and strength it's had for the first 10 years of it's life. Last night the wife and unleashed the freak (that's reference to an ad). Actually, I think we landed a great deal on Raul's transportation for the next six or seven years...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

A 2006 Dodge Charger Daytona R/T! My rum running homey has been working as of late but I e-mailed him some pictures to see what he'd think and I get the response - "Does it have a Hemi? Bitchin." Yes, it has a Hemi and it is Bitchin. I've driven it to work three days this week and I'm averaging about 23 Miles Per Gallon which is way better than the 17/18 the Jeep got. Other creature comforts include Sirius Satellite Radio, Cruise Control, heated seats, an auxillary port for the MP3 player and a couple of other goodies. Pretty cool, and it's a lot of fun to drive. We have a neighbor that we've nicknamed Hans because well, we just have. When I say we here I am referring to us and the rumrunners. We've got a couple of good stories about Hans for later, but this morning I was leaving for work and I heard his truck crank up. His truck is kinda loud but not obnoxious or anything. When he leaves something sounded different. He drove down the street and back up and when I looked out the window Hans had pulled up to the driveway and was checking out the new Charger. If Hans and his wife Evil M weren't such snobs a trip around the block or opening it up wouldn't be out of the question, but they are so they get to stare in awe.

At any rate, this is our exciting news this week. To say the least I've been excited, thrilled, and driving to work pretty much rules now.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fix Or Repair Daily

Yeah, that seems to be the case as of late. We're not getting the Crossfire. Not because of my fantastic moral support but because the wife didn't like the plan. I guess I don't see myself driving one to work anyway, but it would have been cool for a little while.

I have to share this story mostly because I have to vent. It all started last Friday as you may have read. Saturday when we went and test drove the Crossfire we were near the Ford Dealership that "fixed" the hot wifes Crustang last time so we paid their service department a visit. I know most of you are thinking that I went in guns blazing and threatened to shove a broken Ford in their broken ass. I didn't. I just went in, told them about the problem very calm like. Then they started in "Oh, I didn't write the ticket on that one. We'll have to see it. The part is guaranteed for 12 months. What have you done to it? How many miles are on it? Are you sure you haven't done anything to it? We don't normally get the Mustangs back with that problem a second time."

A SECOND TIME??? It's like they know it's going to happen once but the second one is the shocker here. Are you kidding me? It gets better.

They make us an appointment to bring the car in Monday to get it worked on so since I'm off on Monday I get up early and bring the car in. I show up and they start this mess again "Well, I wasn't here Saturday and the guy that wrote your ticket isn't here yet. I can't do anything about it. You didn't talk to me when you came in last because I wasn't here." Shifting the blame. Bitchin. After a few minutes they notice that I had blocked off the heater core and removed the clamps so it's now puking anti-freeze all over their shop floor. This has somehow gotten their attention because now they have to clean it before anyone else can come in. Then they start the usual runaround again. "Your appointment isn't until Tuesday, but I didn't write the ticket so that is someone else's problem." Either way, the car is there and now they get to deal with it.

Last night I get a call from Gary the service writer. I've actually had several conversations with Gary this week, but this one was the best. They had excuses on why the car hadn't been fixed all week. Last night I get a message from Gary The Service Writer that says "Raul, the't fixed. They...uh...sent us the wrong core isn't fixed have the wrong part....umm...well...that is what it is, I can't do anything about tomorrow. I'll let you know." That was no lie his message word for word. It is what it is. IT IS WHAT IT IS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

This morning Gary The Service Writer calls again. This time the Crustang is fixed. In the back of my mind I think the way they've been acting is because they know they've messed up. I think last time it was serviced instead of replacing the heater core they patched it. I called them on that this morning. "Thanks Gary, glad to know the car is fixed. Any chance I can see the old heater core? I'd like to see where it failed and why before it's discarded." Gary went nuts. It was like he'd been sleeping at his desk going through the motions and I'd just hit him with a 12 volt battery and a set of jumper cables. " you can't take that with you. We have to send that back to Ford because it th-th-the manufacturer HAS to have that can't keep it, we can't keep it. No one keeps it. Ford g-gets it." I said I wasn't interested in keeping it. I wanted to see it for myself and see what the issue is. Silence. Silence so quiet I thought he'd hung up. Then he goes "Well..uh...I think was put in the bin that goes back to Ford this morning. I'll double check but if it's in the bin to be returned I can't do anything about it. You can't keep it anyway." I've yet to pick the car up but I'll keep you posted on how that goes. Yes Gary The Service Writer...that means Raul is paying you a visit today. You'd better have your best excuses ready.

After the car is back home, I'm sending Ford a letter to let them know how we feel. To me, this is a problem that the big three American manufacturers have to face. Not so much quality, or repairs but service. Any thing that is mass produced is subject to some kind of defect or problem. It's how the company handles the problem that matters. I've in my life had one of each of the three in my family. Personally I'm all Chrysler until I die. All three of these American Manufacturers have screwed us over in some way shape or form. If this had been a Toyota Camry, the service writer would have said he was sorry, fixed the car and never once tried to pass the blame. In those companies that's not acceptable. In American companies, they'd rather spend more time doing that than fixing the fucking problem. They wonder "Why have our sales dropped so much? What is the problem?" Service. The problem is service. That will probably be the end of one of the big three in our lifetime if they don't step up and fix it. Toyota is out for world domination and we're pretty much opening the door to it here. We have to fix this problem and we have to fix it fast. When I get the car today, I'm copying and pasting this exact blog and sending it to Ford Corporate. I'll let everyone know how that goes.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Stories from the Rush Part 1

Cleaning up the aftermath of the Spring Semester book rush continues. This one was good, and better than last Spring. Not really better than fall, but that's to be expected. Anyway. I had to share this story with you guys because well, it's funny.

It's relatively slow with just me and cheerleader from last semester working the counter. An Arabic girl comes in to get some books and seems insanely overly flirtatious. It's not me, I guess she thinks by flirting she's going to get a discount on books. This girl literally pulled out all the stops. She was way more done up than I would have pictured an arabic (or persian I guess she could have been) to be. She's giggling, batting her eyelashes, the whole nine yards. About that time one of our regular customers walks in. We all know her because she announced one day with great detail that she wants to be a sex therapist. We've refered to her as Sex Therapy girl ever since. So she shows up and witnesses what is going on with this girl at the counter. I turn around to get a couple more books for Princess Jasmine here and she's unbuttoned the top two buttons on her shirt and her bra is now officially hanging out. She's left very little to the imagination. At this point I'm making every effort to make eye contact. The cheerleader has a look on her face like "Did that just happen?" So I give her the books and slide them down to cheerleader so she can be rung up and left. While Cheerleader is ringing her up she buttons her shirt back up. Sex Therapy girl hands me her schedule and Princess Jasmine leaves. I was thinking to myself how odd was what just happened, and did she really think it was going to work? Did she leave thinking I was gay? STG chuckles when I get back to the counter and says "So if I show my tits can I get a discount?" Princess Jasmine did not get a discount, nor any aknowledgement that her efforts were noticed. I told her as nice as it would be to get flashed 30 times a day I was not Girls Gone Wild and wasn't willing to go down that road. She gets mad and says "Well what good are tits like these if you can't use them?" Again...Eye contact only. I told her they were fine, and she could use them anywhere she liked. Just not here. Disappointed she payed and left. I'm thinking of all the things that must be running through Cheerleaders mind and what I'm going to say once they leave so there is no weirdness between me and Cheerleader. She's been pretty silent this entire time. They both leave and I pretend to do something and I hear "Bitch Please!" I turn around and say "Huh?" Cheerleader looks at me and says "I work here and don't get free books. When STG asked that I almost reached across the counter and slapped that ho. Thanks for not saying yes to that." The weirdness is now gone. Cheerleader told that story to everyone else that came in right up to the part where she said "Bitch Please!" Everyone thought it was pretty funny, and it's funny now but it was really weird, and really uncomfortable there for a minute. There are still a few more stories from the Rush to come.

This week is inventory, boxing up books, and hopefully catching up on lost sleep. If anyone was curious, the store grew 20 percent this Spring over last Spring so hopefully we're on the right track.

Saturday, January 13, 2007


At least they circled the problem. I stole that from the RumRunners. When we went to the Indy Race last year I saw a hilarious anti-GM sticker and pointed it out to him. The Doctor (as he will be called) being the huge GM fan that he is fired back with that about Ford...and probably one about Mopar as well but that one stuck...because it was funny. Hilarious even. The worst part is, it's true....

Yesterday was the hot wifes birthday (and she shares it with Blue, so Happy Birthday to Blue as well) and as usual I was searching classified ads at work before it got busy. Then I found something. Not just anything a marvel of German and American Engineering...

Yeah, a 2004 Chrysler Crossfire with a price so low you have to wonder if something was wrong with it. So I furiously devised a master plan that would land this work of art in my driveway and put my hot wife behind the wheel of it. Being the huge Mopar fan that I am, I've wanted one of these since I saw it in concept. Since I'm now an old fat guy I realized that this isn't the car for me so I'd forgotten about it. It's pretty impractical. Actually, it could be the least practical car on the planet because even the Viper has a trunk. Basically this car is a Mercedes SLK Roadster with a fixed roof. Not wickedly fast or particularly brutal, but it's smooth, decent power, and handles like it's on rails. So I call the hot wife and say "Honey, how would you like a nice silver Chrysler Crossfire for your birthday?" I was met with silence. Then "So, you found a Crossfire you want huh?" The plan was to get it, me to drive it a couple months, sell off the Rustang and get a Charger SRT-8 before us and the RumRunners head to Indy again this year. Seeing that this car gets 10mpg better than the Jeep of Doom, I thought this was a fantastic plan. No one but me and my wife ever want to ride in her car anyway as it's not really capable of carrying more than two people so this one would be no different. But it would get better gas mileage, and this car is nice. Really nice. Almost seems like the perfect car for my smoking hot wife. The only thing better would be the SRT-6 Supercharged convertible...but we must be realistic. I had pitched this plan repeatedly. Then comes the bad news...

We get ready to leave for dinner and I ask "Honey, did your car overheat on the way home from work? It smells funny." Further notice shows that the heater core, which was fixed in September, has just blown again and spewed anti-freeze all over my garage. This Ford is clearly making its presence known so this is me letting it know how I feel.

If you have the option of buying a Mustang, just let me kick you in the face and save you the mental anguish you'd have after three years of owning it.

With any decision of this magnatude you have to call your best friends and ask yourself WWMD (What Would Mike Do?)? So I call the RumRunners and the Doctor says this -

Doc - "A Crossfire? Um...Gay?"
Raul - "Seriously though. They're nice cars."
Doc - "Last time I checked you're not 45 and divorced with an earring, and you're not a gay ass hairdresser so...I'm gonna stick with don't get a damn Crossfire you homo."
Raul - "Thanks for the moral support man."
Doc - "That's what I'm here for."

So I call Mike -
Raul - "So what do you think about Crossfires?"
Mike - "I think they're cool. I might like to drive one. You thinkin about getting one?"
Raul - "Sort of. I was gonna drive it to work until Summer time and then get a Charger."
Mike - "Cool. You're getting the supercharged one right?"
Raul - "No, they're a little out of our price range. This I think we can afford."
Mike - "Pussy. If you blog about this I'm going to tell all your blogger friends what a bitch you are for not getting the cool version of the car. Homo."
Raul - "Thanks Mike."
Mike - "Not sure what you're going to do about all that self loathing though."
Raul - "Self loathing?"
Mike - "Yeah, from owning a Charger. That's the ugliest piece of shit I've ever seen."

My moral support is fantastic. If they were any more encouraging I just couldn't stand it.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Spring Rushed

Well, I promised I'd post more often as a New Years resolution but it looks like I'm off to a bad start. I didn't remember this semester being this busy for Spring of last year, but I guess we were still kinda new at it a year ago. This week was rough. I've been too tired to hold my eyes open for the drive home most days this week. To say the least business is good. The only thing I don't remember, and that I don't get is people arguing about tax. I don't want to sound racist, but it's mostly mexicans that do it. They'll price out their books, then you'll ring them up, and then they stand an argue about paying tax. They look at you like you're stupid and say "No man...the price on the book is this...why are you overcharging me?" Has anybody else ever gone in to someones business and told them you didn't want to pay sales tax? I know that tax is something that has to be paid, it's a fact of life. So no matter where I go, I've never thought to say "No...I'd really rather not pay tax thank you." I've never met anyone that enjoyed paying taxes, or looked forward to it. No one does, but it's a fact of life. You live, you pay taxes, you die. I've got one kid from Colombia that comes in with his dad. They stand at the counter and argue about prices, then his dad steps up, looks down on me and starts negotiating and claiming he's my best customer. His dad works at the Chic-fil-a near the store. I really hate Chic-fil-a but realistically next time I want chicken, I'm going in there and I'm going to haggle this man until he cries. They sold back a book and argued over the price and then asked for an extra $5, so I finally caved and said "Will $5 make you shut the hell up?" He agreed it would. Little did he know that because I think he's an ass I always knock $5 off his buy back price to leave him room to "negotiate" with his mad skills. This semester was no different for Igor and his Dad. So mark my words, the day will come when the blog will read "Chic-fil-a'ed" and I'll tell you how I made a $50 year old Colombian cry like a bitch when I haggled him over the price of a sandwich and waffle fries. I intend to do this to the point that it makes other people uncomfortable to be in the store. Just wait...this man will cry because I will bring the pain.

Enough about that. It seems like we made it through. Sales were good, we had a record sales day, and now we're mostly out of stuff so we might be done for the semester. We did have a good run though. My returning help was good. The cheerleader was good enough to get a raise because she proved to be worth more than what she was paid last semester. Her boyfriend was mad that he found my number in her cell phone, but realistically we're 10 years apart and if I'm going to cheat on my wife it's not going to be with an employee. It's going to be with Carmen Electra. Yes, I aim high but I married well. I did have two new hires this semester, one said it was her life long dream to work in a book store, and the other just wanted to work and I think hang out with people. I believe the new girl is a crack ho so she only worked two days. The first day her register was $20 short, the second day it was $20 over. Seem odd to anyone else? The guy is a pretty cool student. His Dad is a teacher at Dalton and he's very Anti-American. They are a Muslim family, but he was a good kid. Good worker, likes discussion. Seems like even though his Dad hates America and it's foreign policies he was raised pretty well. He won't be back next semester because he's going away to school but he was a good hire and I was happy to have him. See...I'm equal opportunity after all. I don't just hire hot young freshman cheerleaders.

That's it from the store for now, I'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard but I promise I'll have something more enjoyable to read up early next week. I do have some much more entertaining stories from the rush, but those are for a later day.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year!

Well I hope everyone had a Happy New Year and you've all made your New Years resolutions. I'm still working on mine, but one of them for sure is to blog more. I spent the break I took in December thinking of things I can post that would make for a good 2007. After watching a bunch of movie trailers in my time off I've decided that 2007's reocurring post will be Movies You Do Not Need to see in 2007. Most of them will likely be movies they shouldn't have made either, but I'll be sure to let you know what not to see in case the trailer lies to you. And as usual I'll provide you with a list of movies you NEED to see in 2007, and at some point in the near future I'll review the best of 2006 that you should have seen.

At any rate, the hot wife and I hosted our first New Years party and it was a success. We had five or six couples around the house and I thought the best idea would be to play Battle of the Sexes. For all the attending guys, I was right. The women unfortunately did not fair so well. The game is fun, there are a few cards that were actually wrong so when the right answer was given we threw the card to the side with the intent of writing these people so they'd know their mistake. Anyway, the guys won both games. The second one wasn't even a contest. The guys drew a wild card when we were just shy of half way that sent us back to the beginning and we still came back and won. Brutal I tell you. Somehow none of us ended up sleeping on the couch that night. The next game that is always a bad idea to break out is the Newlywed game. Not everyone at the party was married, including Mike and Tiffany, and they were winning for most of the game. Unfortunately Mike had a cold of some sort and had to leave so they forfeited their lead. Otherwise, they would have won...and of course all of us wondered when they left how they would have answered questions in the last round. I guess we may never know...but the speculation might actually be funnier than their answers.

That's it for now, again I hope every had a wonderful New Years Eve and I wish everyone the best for 2007. Currently I'm preparing for the Book Rush so blogs will be scarce for a week or two...but I promise I'll try.