Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Hello friends, Reverend Raul coming to you with another famous, or hardly tolerable, rant about environmentalists. Typically my stance on them has always been "let the stupid bastards freeze in the dark." Since my induction in to the ministry, I've thought maybe I should be nicer. Unfortunately, I'm wrong. I stumbled on this blog yesterday and I think since we probably can't legally shoot them, we should educate them.

For those that don't want to read what retarded people write on their blogs, let me explain. Actually that would take too long. Let me summarize. This particular retard has come to a great revelation in his life. Instead of buying a new car, he's discovered that there is ONE place on the earth that will rebuild an engine for you instead of spending the money on a new car, thus reducing cars sent to junk yards which are polluting the environment. To this guy, who apparently has had his head in his ass since birth, this is a great new technology. When I read his article yesterday, two of his followers told him that he came up with the greatest ideas. I hate to break the news to this Think Green Buffoon, but people have been rebuilding and building new engines since the birth of the automobile. One could safely say that this has been a practice for 100 years. That's even before his pot smoking parents tripped on acid at Woodstock and conceived his stupid ass in a pile of their own vomit.

So realistically, I know that Reverend Raul doesn't have all the answers, but it seems to me the one thing most of the "save the environment" people (call them hippies, eco-retards, or just plain annoying, I don't care) really lack is education. Sure, they went to school somewhere and learned that big corporations are bad because their Philosophy professors told them they were, and now they all have degrees in philosophy with minors in political science and they spew forth their insanely unaware rhetoric more and more and we're forced to listen to it because they think everyone else doesn't know what's best for them and we should all just let the government control every aspect of our lives. At any rate, I can only hope that education about basic things would help. Any person who thinks that rebuilding old engines is a great way to save the environment probably drives a Toyota Prius and spends too much time at Starbucks drinking non-fat mocha soy espresso latte's while listening to shitty indie bands with their friends thinking that if only people rebuilt their engines, the world would be a better place.

At first I thought this was a joke, and that maybe a 12 year old had written it. Nope. Unfortunately, Benjamin Jones is a student at Dartmouth College that writes for the, and Yes friends, todays retard is also a Vegan because eating meat makes people fart and that's bad for the environment too. Not only that, apparently all this no talent ass clown does is write about hybrid technology, global warming, and the dangers of meat. Unfortunately for him and his friends, he's blind to the fact that hybrids are worse for the environment than cars with no emissions controls at all. Don't even get me started on the fake meat that vegetarians eat. If you can't pronounce what's on the package, how is that somehow better for you than meat with no preservatives?

Well, for now I guess it's time to go fire up the old Cuda since it has no catalytic converters and drive two or three tanks of gas out of it. When I'm done with that, it's steak for dinner, mashed potatoes with extra bacon, and if I get really angry I'll have it on an old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam plate that I will put in the woods rather than in the trash. That should pretty much counter act everything Mr. Jones has done this week to save the world from people like me.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Monday Movie reviews

Happy Monday Gang! If there is such a thing. Spring break was good...well, it was a week off work so really what can you complain about? Didn't get much done, and no new projects to speak of, but I think they're coming. Hopefully they're coming. I have a obviously I need a project. Anyway, on to the movie reviews.

War - Starring Jet Li and Jason Statham. The movie is about an FBI agent (Statham) trying to seek revenge against a mysterious Chinese assassin that killed his partner. Honestly the movie isn't that good. Only one good car chase and it's not believable, but it's not like it's the horrible travesty that was Jet Li's The One. Overall the movie gets two out of five stars. Not the best action flic ever, but not a bad way to kill an hour and a half if you have to.

3:10 to Yuma - I've been waiting to see this one for a while. Christian Bale is typically a movie bad ass and I figured that combined with Russel Crowe would make for a kick ass movie. It was actually pretty good, save for the addition of Ben Foster. You might remember him as the turd that played Angel in X-Men the Last stand. Why does Reverend Raul have such a hatred for him? Simple. When he began shooting the role of Angel, he told the producers that the wings were too heavy and he wouldn't shoot another scene until they made him some lighter wings. Sorry, if you're in a super hero movie you don't get to be a bitch. Do you hear Christian Bale whining about the batsuit being heavy? No. Because he's not a bitch. Ben Foster is. Anyway, Crowe plays a notorious post Civil War criminal that is robbing the transports that hold the railroads money. Much like Jesse James, but this character from what I've found is entirely fictitious. It's not the best western I've ever seen, but it lived up to the expectations I had for it as a movie. Christian Bale is good, and Russel Crowe as usual does not disappoint. Don't go in to it thinking it will be an all out shoot em up like Tombstone, but it's a good movie, and well worth the price of admission...or the price of a rental at this point.

Hopefully this week we'll get to review No Country for Old Men, and possible Hitman if we have time. The wife is on Spring break so maybe we can catch up on a few movies and a few TV series that we have DVR'ed. Hope everyone else has a good Monday!

Monday, March 03, 2008

In Vino Veritas

That's Latin for "In Wine is Truth" or literally "when I'm drinking I speak my mind." So Reverend Raul helped a friend celebrate his 30th birthday this weekend. The only rule was bring your own alcohol. Not a problem, but I did have to write down some ground rules for things Reverend Raul needs to do if he ever decides to drink again.

1. Buy the smallest bottle possible. I bought the $5 bottle because it was pretty small. I should have bought the $2.50 bottle because it was half that price and half the amount. I finished off the five dollar bottle before 9:00.

2. Never tell your friends that you have never had a hangover. Apparently upon hearing this your friends will take it as a personal challenge to see if they can make you puke from drinking or be hung over the next day. Yes, it's true - Reverend Raul has never had a hangover nor has he puked from drinking. This still holds true even after drinking a fifth of liquor by himself the other night.

3. Wear a crash helmet. Honestly everything after Guitar Hero is a blur. I do remember trying to sing along with Social Distortions (a Raul Fav) "Story of My Life" and never actually completing the song or singing on key. There might even be a picture of it somewhere but I'm doing my best to keep it off the internet.

4. Never trust that they tell you it's not that strong. Once your friends have decided that the goal is to get you so drunk that you don't remember anything they all take the opportunity to make you a great drink, or shot. Apparently back to back I slammed a rocks glass full of rum and chased it with a rocks glass full of tequila. Yes, I typically drink my liquor straight and apparently the drunker I get the larger the single servings get.

5. NEVER...EVER...EVER do karaoke. If someone can call you the next day and say "I didn't know you knew all the words to Billie Jean" you're in trouble. Karaoke should really only be done sober if you have to do it at all.

6. Always have someone to tell you what happened or tell you when to stop. Since I don't get hung over or puke and all liquor eventually gets processed in the machine that is Rauls liver, I stay drunk for a really long time. The problem is, details start becoming fuzzy after a while. No...not fuzzy. Black holes. I can remember pieces of it and I usually have to take a great deal of time trying to figure out the details. 24 hours later I'm usually calling to apologize for something or offering to replace a window or two (thus the need for a crash helmet). Also, someone like my lovely wife to come over and tell you when you're about to say something you shouldn't is usually a good thing. Not that you'll listen, but it's a good safety net to have anyway.

So that's it from here today. Still recovering from a cold that somehow the mass quantities of alcohol didn't destroy, and I'm on Spring Break. No guarantees on updates this week, but I'll try to update a couple more times regardless.