Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Pirates and the Puppy

Well, Thursday night we went and saw the midnight show of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I should warn you if you haven't seen it that this movie is just shy of three hours long. It's a good movie, gives some closure...and of course leaves itself wide open for Pirates four. It's slow at times, there are a few scenes that could have been left out and no one would have cared. I did read later that there was one deleted scene that would have made me a lot less mad, but Disney has already said it will be on the DVD. If I told you what it was, it would ruin a lot of the movie for you so if you've seen it, e-mail me and I'll tell you. It makes the part of the movie that I found to be utterly stupid not suck. Anyway, if you liked the first two, this one is good as well. I think I still like the first one the best, but this one is good for the trilogy.

Alas, the new puppy is home! And I don't have a single picture with me at work that I can show you. We picked him up on Friday afternoon and brought him to his new home. He weighed in Saturday morning at the vets office at 4.1lbs, but they assured us he would get bigger. I have no doubt that one day he'll be a very big dog. We spent some time at the breeders house on Friday because they forgot we were coming and we waited around an hour before anyone showed up so we got some pictures of both the parents and some of the other dogs. All of them are actually really well behaved dogs so if this dog is any indicator, it will be a huge but well behaved dog. If I get a chance when I get home tonight we will post pictures of him and his family.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Asshole and the Stoner

Yesterday was an interesting day. It seemed normal starting out, but somehow it could never get away from the weirdness it was about to become. I had some encounters that I guess on any other day would have been unnoticed, but for yesterday they seemed to stick out.

The Asshole. I woke up early, as usual, watered the lawns, and headed to the new gym. I was getting pumped up trying to figure out how the best plan of attack was, psyching myself up to push the limits. I was amped. I stop, strap on my new set of Harbinger workout gloves, and as I'm exiting the car, this guy with dollar store sunglasses in a Neon pulls up and signals for me to roll my window down. So I do. What the hell right? There was a new song on the radio I liked that I was in to. He starts this long drawn out "I've never done this before so I don't even really know where to begin." I knew this was going to suck. Apparently this guy lives in Savannah but was stuck here in Chattanooga trying desperately to get back to Atlanta so his friends could give him money to get home. Is this important to the story? No. But I had to endure so now you must. Sob story over, this guy just asks for cash. I literally had none. I had two or three quarters in my center console and that was it. I had taken the cash out of my wallet for some reason a day or two before. I did kinda feel bad that I couldn't help the guy, but I offered him the three quarters and two dimes I had with me. No dice. He was pissed. He gritted his teeth and bit his lip, as if to say something smart ass. Then just shook his head and said "You know what? That's fine! That's just fine! So...yeah...Thanks! THANKS!" and drives off. I was honest with the guy, so he really didn't have a reason to be a total douche bag right? Furthermore, it's not my fault he didn't read anything by Steven Covey. If he had begun with the end in mind, maybe he wouldn't be stranded five hours from home. Either way, I hope he makes it home...but it really isn't my problem.

The Stoner. The hot wife had a craving for Arby's last night. And since she works so hard I try to help where I can. I stop in to Arby's to get a number 12 and a number seven. Simple enough right? I bet if you're only half reading this thinking of what an asshole this other guy was, you could still get this order right. For the Arby's stoner, this was a problem. We order, number 12 for the hot wife no tomato. I ask "Is the number seven better frilled or fried?" He thinks for a second "I don't really eat here," he says "but I think fried tastes better I guess." I make sure there is no honey mustard or anything I'm going to hate on my sandwich and then say "Oh yeah...on the number 12 we want curly fries, and a dew. With the seven I want potato cakes and sweet tea." He looks at me as if I'd said "Open the register and dump it in this bag bitch!" Clearly, we are not on the same page. So he says "Whoa man! What number seven? When did you order that?" I informed him that we had just spoken about this and I even asked him about grilled or fried. No shit. This kid looks me dead in the eyes and says "Really? What did I say?" This conversation couldn't have been 10 seconds ago and he had no clue. So I ordered a number seven and made him read the order back to me. He said hang on and never did. I had figured in my head that we'd never get what we ordered and we'd just leave. Amazingly, stoner kid nailed it. Number 12 no tomatoes, and a number seven plain. Nice...because even when they're not stoned this Arby's generally sucks.

That's it from me for now. We pick up the unnamed (Tumbler)dog tomorrow and the weekend will get busy from there. We will try to post pictures of the dog when we bring him home tomorrow night or first thing Saturday morning. If we don't, I hope everyone else has a good weekend.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Tumblers first photos

Just for everyone curious, we had the breeder e-mail us a picture of the dog before we go get him this weekend. The hot wife seems to be changing her mind on the name, but Tumbler still has my vote. So, for all those that still read and are is the dog...

And for those that wanted to see the dog pen here you go...

It was actually pretty easy. Once we filled it with dirt and mulch the cage went up pretty smooth. Big thanks to the neighbors wife (haven't found a good blog nickname for her yet) for helping me shovel dirt and mulch for eight hours last weekend.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Projects in Review

Since my rum running homey has been working, I've been trying to help create a man room in his basement that was masterminded by his wife. The project will be completed this weekend. I offered to help because they're my homeys, but also because I wanted to learn how to do things like drop ceilings and hanging drywall. Let me review some of these for you so you know what you're about to undertake when you start these projects.

Drywall - Easy enough to haul and hang. Cutting to length can be a pain in the ass, but it's not hard. Two people with strong arms can usually get it done pretty quickly. In about a 500 square foot room, hanging drywall took just a little over one days work. If you busted ass you could easily do that in day. Mudding and sanding drywall sucks. I can't take much credit on this part, but given the choice of doing that or dropping every piece of drywall on my foot...I'll take door number two.

Concrete Stain - The man room is in the basement and will be mostly a workout facility and a place for his fishing gear. Carpet or hardwood would probably be a bad idea for this one, so we stained the concrete. Not bad. Pretty easy work, still semi-tranparent but not bad...especially not for the use of this room. As far as ease of application goes, it's just as easy as sweeping the floor. Just make sure you can not walk on it for a couple of days to get it good and dry, and make sure you've got time for extra coats. This 500 square feet took about two gallons to look really good and stained.

Drop Ceilings - Lowe's will tell you this is easy. And they even have a video to show you that women and children can do it without much effort. This is wrong. If you have the option of installing a drop ceiling, or giving birth to a baby porcupine that is on fire...look in to the less painful second option. There is nothing easy about this. I smashed my finger with a hammer and thought I was going to wind up in the emergency room on a couple of occasions. If I'd had the strength when I got done, I would have gone to Lowe's to see the guy that sold it to us. The conversation would have consisted of "This is NOT easy! THIS IS SPARTAAA!" and follow it up with a solid kick to the chest. In short, these suck. If you ever need help with a drop ceiling, please don't call me. If it means I have to buy it for you rather than do it...I might actually do that.

Moving furniture - somehow I've always managed to be the go to guy for moving furniture. I'm not sure how I got this title. Most of the time I don't mind. I've helped Mike move a couple times. Not a big deal. I don't know if it's the super-human strength or what, but people (save for Chas and J) always call me when they move. At this point I've become a pro and could open a moving business. We helped some of our new friends move here recently and I figured out enough different ways to do this that they finally said " many people have you moved? The people that installed this said it wouldn't come down the stairs unless we took it apart." These people lie. There is an easy way and a hard way to move shit. Don't ever plan on it being easy. Also, the first rule of moving, is never ever take stuff apart. You will inevitably lost important parts that you will need to put it back together and your end table that you liked so much will be waiting on one special screw to hold it together until you take it to Good Will. Trust me on this one.

Dog Pens - With Tumbler coming just a couple weeks out now (14 days to be exact) my brother-in-law helped me start a dog pen. Short of some dirt and mulch that needs to be added this project should be completed this weekend. Moving the railroad ties and dirt around wasn't so bad...and it looks pretty good. Then comes the moving of the dog house. This thing is heavy...really heavy. I'll be suprised if it doesn't take four of us to move it, but I'll let you know how it goes, and send pictures when all is done.

So that is whats in store for our weekend. I'm sure the wife has a shopping excursion or two in the works while I'm working on the yard and the projects, but should be a successful weekend if all goes well. I hope everyone else's weekend goes well too.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Spider-man 3

Believe it or not, the hype surrounding this movie got me really uninterested. I had almost forgotten that it came out. Were it not for my lovely wife, we might have missed it. I guess I would have caught it eventually but early last week she said "Have you gotten tickets to see Spider-man 3 yet?" It dawned on me that I had not...and I loved the other two so missing this one was not an option. The reason I'm getting burned out on these is because of the actors in them. Short of James Franco, they all whine about having to be in them. Tobey especially. He whined about not wanting to do the second one because the stunts hurt his back and he didn't want to hang upside down and make out with Kirsten Dunst. Bitch. Seriously, if someone from Sony Pictures reads this, I will do Spider-man 4 for free. I'll do whatever stunts that need to be done, regardless of the risk of personal injury, and make out with whatever leading lady you throw at me. All for the bargain basement price of nothing. Just hook me up with a nutritionist and a personal trainer for a few months to make sure I do the suit justice, and I'm in. God, I hope someone from Sony Pictures reads this.

At any rate, I liked the movie pretty well. The second one was a little more action packed, and this one was a little more character driven. It felt longer than it was, which to me means they tried too hard, or something didn't come together in time and they put it out anyway...or it could just be bad editing. The venom and Sandman characters were pretty cool, but they tried to make you have sympathy for the bad guys, and of course Spider-man was struggling with his own demons so he was a bad guy at times. The dumbest part of the movie was when he was dancing down the street. He might have actually been a worse dancer than me, but maybe that's the point...since he is supposed to be a science dork. I liked it, but I'd probably give it a matinée rating instead of the $8.50 that admission was. The fight scenes, though few and far between are pretty cool, and though it's heavy with CGI, you don't really get that feel. At least I didn't. My wife doesn't like comic book movies near as much as I do, but she liked 300 and I think she liked this one. It's probably one she'd watch with me as a rental, but if I hadn't drug her to the theater she wouldn't have gone on her own. I give the movie three out of five stars...maybe three and a half with the others being an easy four stars.

Up next is Pirates...I can't wait...because the day after Pirates, we go get Tumbler. Seventeen days and counting yo!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A Short Story by Mike

The following is a short story by Mike that he felt very passionate about so I told him I would be happy to publish it on my blog. And here you go...

This is the story of The stupidest creation ever.

Once upon a time, probably in Milan, there was a fashion designer. This woman of little creativity looked upon the world with the utmost disdain. For while she saw people wearing pants, that was not good enough. And while she saw people wearing shorts, that too did not satisfy her. Even the dresses and skirts could not satiate her need to improve. "Those pants," she thought, "They are too long. And those shorts, well, they are too short. What am I to do?" And then, while gazing ponderously at a pair of pants that so graciously covered a womans ankles, the most amazing idea she had ever had in her small life popped into her head. "What if I took a perfectly normal pair of pants, some that actually fit properly, and made them too short? EUREKA!"

This legend of innovation toiled long and hard at her desk for years. "Its all a problem of length, I know it! But how long?" The solution continued to elude her. Almost to the ankles? no no no. Silliness. How about the knee? Far too short. Finally her tedious work and research paid off. "The middle of the calf! OF COURSE! GENIUS!" When her prototype was complete, she called up a close friend, the most gorgeous fashion model in all the land, to try them out. "But these aren't long enough for me? They don't fit,"she exclaimed. "Au contraire, they do. You will see the beauty of my innovation this month when I throw the grandest runway exhibition in THE WORLD!"

A month later, at the fashion expo, the young model would again try on the amazing pants, and began to realize that she liked them. the other models looked at her with disdain, and made disparaging remarks, but she simply smirked at them, explaiming that no, she did not look stupid, she looked chic, and that before long, they would all be wearing them on Sex and the City. They laughed at her blatant ignorance and shrugged her off. The poor young model wasn't sure anymore. Were they cool? Or were they quite possibly the most idiotic things to ever grace her legs? Her friend wouldn't have lied to her would she? She wouldn't have convinced her to wear them just because they were "new" would she? After some vicodin and blow, she calmed herself enough to go out on the runway. Her confidence restored, she whispered to herself, "Well, i'll just show them. I can't wait for them to see how i'm the cool hip one, on the cutting edge of fashion, and they are behind the curve." As she strutted out on the runway, shaking her hips to the cheesy german techno music, she was met with gasps. "Oh my" and "look at those pants" could be heard all over the room. The model thought to herself, "HA, I WAS RIGHT, THEY ARE COOL." As she reached the end of the runway, she stopped and waited for one of the men on the end to gaze at her in envy. "How do you like them?" she asked? "You look like a fucking retard," was met with uproarious laughter by the other men in the room. The woman, however, could not understand this response. They were baffled "What do you mean?" They all thought. "She looks fabulous." The men continued their derision while the women stared at the amazing pants. "I must have them, and I will pay anything to get them. They are different."

And this is the story of why women refuse to buy pants that fit and men continue to ridicule them for it. Fuck you and your capri pants, girls think they look cute in them. Guys know they are mistaken. No girl looks cute in them. Ever. For the sake of all that is holy, JUST. STOP. WEARING. THEM.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007 Tuesday Movie Reviews

Meant to do this yesterday but I forgot. Yesterday was a little busy and today looks no different. Over the weekend as usual we had time to catch a couple of movies...and they ruled.

DeJa Vu - Bitchin. I like pretty much anything Denzel is in and this movie was no different. It is one of those movies that is better as a rental so you can watch it twice. You miss stuff the first time around, and the second time around it makes more sense. In short, the movie is about an ATF agent (Denzel) trying to solve a crime that you see just after the opening credits. Val Kilmer the FBI guy gives him a chance to work with them and their unique system they have of solving crimes. There is some time travel (or bending) in this one so it's not realistic but it's pretty damn cool. I give it four out of five stars for good action, good humor, and of course Denzel. Also stars Jim Cavizel playing a villan far from his role as Jesus. Well worth a watch. I might even buy this's pretty good. Just make sure you're awake and paying attention.

The Rocketeer - What? Yeah...I watched it while the wife was studying on Sunday because I hadn't seen it in a while. Good flic. Also learned that this was supposed to be Disney's attempt at an Indiana Jones type franchise. They had three scripts ready to go, but the first one tanked at the box office so the others were scrapped. A shame really. It's the perfect Disney type fantasy movie and had Jennifer Connoley in it. It has everything, hot babe, unrealistic hero, unlikely jet pack, nazi's that scream only in German, and the mad scientist guy. What more can you really want? I know...Jennifer Connoley naked...but it's a Disney movie.

The month of May is always famous for movies that kick ass. This year looks no different. We've got Spider-man 3 this weekend and Pirates the same weekend that Tumbler comes home...and the Heroes Season Finale is this month. If you're not watching Heroes, I feel for you. It really is THE BEST show on television.