Monday, October 06, 2008

Debating the Debates

November just can't come and go fast enough on election years you know? For me anyway. I get tired of it and I guess I get more frustrated that nothing ever changes no matter who gets elected. Personally, I think I should run the debates. I think I'd be a much better moderator than anyone else I can think of. Not just because I'm awesome, but because I think I'd make some changes. Just a few things I'd change.

1. The phrase "thank you for that question" is no longer allowed. You've only got two minutes so spare us the bullshit and give us a straight up answer. Ideally no one should elect you because you're a nice guy or because they think you're good looking. So this is your one shot to be no bullshit and give an answer like a human being instead of spewing your vominous hollow promises.

2. If you opt to go back to a previous question, you just forfeited your time. Candidates are given two minutes to answer something, then the opposing candidate is given 60 seconds for a response if their views are questioned. That's it. 60 seconds so make it count. No more of this "back to what I was saying earlier." If those words come out, we cut your mic and you're done.

3. Honesty. Yeah..that's hard for people running for President. But seriously, you wanna talk about change and how your administration is going to be better than the previous one, be specific. Sure it sounds a little like a high school project but we need to get back to some basic principles in the debates. Sure, it sounds good, but how does it work? Tell me...and remember no bullshit because you've only got two minutes.

4. Rumors. Yes, I think you should answer to any rumors, any of them, on the record. Take this one for example -

I couldn't tell you if this was true or not. But I think someone, namely the candidate in question, should answer this with yes or no. No grey areas. Furthermore, someone that admits to bombing the capital should not roam free. He should not be allowed to serve on political forums of any kind...but that's just me.

5. Finally -Introducing the fist fight. Yeah, I think people need to know that our President could kick ass if push came to shove. So, strap on the gloves, and step in to the squared circle. Don't worry, gloves will be inspected by both parties to make sure no one is packing anything they shouldn't be. Realistically you've been wanting to beat the shit out of your opponent because of the commercial his campaign made that you think slandered you. So, here is your chance. No points awarded here and no it doesn't mean you won. The rules of Fight Club will be observed.

Sunday, October 05, 2008


With the construction of the new store, lots of things have been changing. My commute, my stress level, my hair color, my outlook on humanity, lots of things. I've noticed that it takes just the right amount of something for people to change. Me personally I have an anger management problem. It seems when pushed to the limit I can turn in to what I think would be the incredible hulk. A mass of uncontrollable rage, and sadly some days I like it. Anyway, I've always wondered if I was the only one that had this problem. Not the rage part, but the change part. Just exactly what is it for everyone else? Well, I found out that for my dad, the right amount of power tools or electricity turns him in to none other than....

Yeah, the Swedish Chef. As a kid I always liked him because he was the plucky comic relief but never fully appreciated his Chocolate Mouse until this summer. When Dadman and I were constructing the counter or the shelves things would turn from normal conversation in to what sounded like "SCHTIKITY BOOM BOOM!" when the circular saw was turned on. Perhaps you'd have to know my dad to find this particularly funny but if you can picture a 60 year old retired engineer going from the normal conversation that an engineer can have to making donuts with a shotgun, that's pretty much how it goes. Any time a car battery or power tools are introduced Dads engineer speak turns in to a language that only chef can interpret.

So is it just me, or does everybody have that button that can be pushed that makes their personality drastically change in to a comic book superhero or an untranslatable comic relief? Regardles, happy 60th birthday Dadamn. I appreciate all that you do, and love you very much. Even though you don't read my blog.