Thursday, June 28, 2007

Movie Review - Black Snake Moan

This came out on Tuesday, and Netflix is usually awesome enough to get us movies on the days they come out. This Tuesday wasn't any different. They delivered us the awesomeness that is Samuel L. Jackson, and the insane hotness (and incredible nakedness) that is Christina Ricci in this film. Oh yeah, Justin Timberlake is in this one too and for some reason I've never really liked him at all. In fact I think him playing a heterosexual soldier is a stretch, but that's just me. Actually, he's only in the movie for a few minutes and he plays a total bitch so maybe it's not a stretch. Anyway, basic plot outline is that Christina Ricci is a sex addict that as it turns out suffered some sexual abuse as a child and now she's banging anything that moves to cope. Her boyfriend is Justin Timberlake who is going off to war to be a sniper of some sort. I think he's gone one day and she's whoring around until her boyfriends best friend beats her and leaves her on the side of the road for dead. Samuel L. Jacksons character - Lazarus - is a God Fearing blues musician/farmer who is struggling with issues of his own. His wife left him for his brother and obviously he didn't take it well. Who would? He stumbles on Ricci and nurses her back to health, but decides he needs to cure her of her wicked ways so he chains her to a radiator in his house so she can't escape. Luckily for us, she's chained up half naked for most of the movie. Here is a screen cap for you...

At any rate, the movie is good. It's very bizarre how both of these people find their way back to living a normal life. It has the feelings of a Quentin Tarantino film, but it's not. I thought going in that it was going to be a comedy, but realistically it's not. It has it's funny moments, and of Ricci pulls off the nympho so well that you wonder if she really is a nymphomaniac. I'd have to say a role like this takes someone with some insane confidence, and you have to be able to act. She's very good, very believable, and very hot. Jackson is actually not in his typical role like Snakes on a Plane, or any Tarantino film he's done. It's out of character for him as well, but he's really good. He can even sing the blues, and come to find out they put his songs on the soundtrack.

Since the movie isn't really a comedy, what is it? It's a drama...a very very bizarre one with the message that you can find help in the strangest places, and no matter what happens to you in life someone will get you through it. Maybe their is a facing some demons message in there too...but the movie is good. I'm probably going to buy the soundtrack just because it put me in the mood for the blues...and the blues as sung by Sam Jackson can't be all bad right?

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

New Tumbler Photos

My hot wife was at home while I was out getting meat for the barbecue this weekend and she took some new photos of the puppy. So here they are for your enjoyment.

He Loves the tall grass.

Just to make sure Mom isn't reading her magazine...because that would detract from paying attention to the puppy.

Tug-o-war with the rumrunners. This might be his favorite game.

And at the end of the day...tired.

We're actually both asleep at this point, but nobody really wants to see me sleeping do they? He's up to 11 pounds now and his feet are getting big. Pretty soon he'll be tripping over them...oh wait. He does that now.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

We're the Jones'? Really?

I'm sure you've all heard the phrase "keeping up with the Jones'. Ever wonder who the Jones' are? I always did, because for most of my life I've never wanted to keep up with anyone save for Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean really...if there was ever a definition of awesomeness he has to be it. Moving on. Obviously later in life I figured out what the term meant, and of course everyone has their own Jones' they need or want to keep up with. Personally, I'm 29 years old, I'm fat, and I'm slow. If I have to try to keep up with you, you win. There is nobody's life I'd rather have than my own because I have a hot wife, kick ass friends, and in my own personal way I feel like I rule. I'm sure right now everyone is going "Bitch please! I rule too!" Yes, in everyones own way, we should all rule and all be happy people. We're not everyones Jones', nor should we be anyones.

Side step for another part of the story right quick. When I worked at my last soul sucking job, I worked with a guy we'll just call A. You can assume that to be asshole, asinine, whatever you'd like. Both fit pretty well. We were friends for the most part until we started really hanging out with him and his wife. Then it seemed like he wanted or needed to compete over everything. Didn't matter what. We got married, they were buying a house. We considered buying a house, they were remodeling a house. One day he walked around the office asking what the limits on everybody's credit cards were because he'd just scored ANOTHER credit card with a $5k limit. That wasn't his business so I just told him we didn't carry any credit cards. I probably just should have told him because he decided from then on that mine and the hot wifes parents paid all our bills. After that, in addition to the rest of his preposterous stories I started distancing myself. Then came his affair where he wanted my advice on this girl he was messing around with, and had her call me at work. Um...can you say awkward? Then him and his wife decided to work it out. So his wife, thinking that I'm his best friend would call me at work to see if he was there and if he was really doing what he said. If I had to describe my reaction to this in one word...that word would be "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" After that conversations were limited about anything. When I left to start my own business, he did congratulate me and say he was envious. I just didn't realize his level of envy.

Fast foward to present day. I was going to work out the other morning and I saw his pile of shit sitting outside the gym. I went about my workout, thinking if he saw me he'd come by and tell me how he could do this workout twice in the time it took me to do it once, but never saw him. I left, the car was gone. So I called him at work to say hi. It had been about two years since I really spoke to him anyway, and maybe that would be nice right? WRONG! He's still a douche bag. He immediately started bragging that he'd bought a bigger house, and got a raise, and blah blah blah. Then he said something that made me think all this time he felt like he had to keep up with us. "Hey man...uh...I was in your neighborhood the other day...visiting...uh...some people we know...ya know...and...uh...did you get a new Charger?" He has NO reason to be in our neighborhood, other than to check up on us which he does. Do I think he has friends in our neighborhood? No. Not a chance. Not that we're an elitist neighborhood or anything, but when you say "Oh...I can't remember their names now" you're lying. Why? Because if we go visit someone, I know their names...or I can tell you why we were there. Not that I'm super smart, but realistically it's not that hard to do. I'm sure LittleGirl doesn't have trouble with this and I don't know that she's speaking yet. This stupid bastard comes by just to look at our house, and I wouldn't be suprised if the dumb shit looked in the windows while we were gone. I ended our conversation when he said "Yeah, we looked at one of those (chargers) but I think we want something a little nicer that gets a little better gas mileage." So I said I had to go and he said "Oh, well next time you guys are having a cookout at your house let's get together." So he knows we cook out? Hmmm...I wonder how he'd know that since he's never seen the inside of the house.

For whatever reason, we seem to be the people he needs to keep up with and the dumb shit would spend any amount of money to do it. I guess since in my own personal mirror I rule, I can't imagine envying someone to the point of stalking. Are we the only ones with this problem? Does everybody work with assholes that drive by their house to see where and how they live? To me, this is a bit odd...but what do I know?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Smoke-out 2007

Well, with my rumrunning homey back in town we decided out of nowhere that this would be a good weekend so smoke, so today we spent the day in the heat smoking meat. Lots and lots of meat. I think we've got the hang of it now so we'll probably do a few more smoke days this summer. I forgot to take pictures of the food as it was on the grille, but wow did it ever turn out good.

As usual we smoked ribs. I'd been buying them up on sale and freezing them for a few weeks now so we had a total of six racks of ribs. Five baby backs and one St. Louis style rib. If you don't know the difference, in short St. Louis ribs are bigger and have more fat. Also a little more flavor, but you get the fat with it. All in all, not bad. We got done with them, and honestly I wasn't feeling ribs at all today. They were good though, and we sent everyone who attended home with their own rack of ribs. It's not that they didn't taste good, it's just that they're a lot of work to eat. They'll probably be good later this week shaved off the bone and served on a baked potato.

Anyway, we had some backups to ribs. The homeys bought a Boston Butt, and I bought an organic beef brisket. Let me tell you, NEVER buy organic beef to smoke. We had a grass fed beef brisket and I swear I've had beef jerky that was more tender than this thing. I think it's because they exercise the cows more, or just feed them grass and not oats or anything like that. I guess this guy sells good stuff, but this beef brisket sadly got thrown away. It was really inedible and damn near too tough to cut.

The homeys scored the good stuff. The Boston Butt was injected with a mix of Captain Morgans Rum, Honey, a Bobby Flay rib rub, and Coke. Good stuff. I don't know if it was the fat, or what, but this thing was tender, flavorful, and overall kicked some serious ass. It put everything else to shame...big time. It was also coated with a Bobby Flay rub and some Stickey Fingers rub courtesy of one of my brothers-in-law. This will make some awesome sandwiches later in the week, or will just generally be bitchin no matter what we do with it.

Since we've got a smoker going, I threw on some salmon, shrimp, and hot dogs for the Rumrunners for later this week. The shrimp and salmon turned out great, the hot dogs have yet to be determined.

The rumrunners brought over a healthy macaroni, and my brother in law and his fiance brought in some baked beans with rum. If you haven't noticed, Rum is almost always the main ingredient. Finish dinner off with a Margarita pie made by the hot wife, and dinner as a whole was a huge success. If you're hungry and in the area, please come by we have leftovers running out our frickin ears. Seriously...please come by.

At any rate, the day was good, and the smoking was a success. Hopefully next month we'll do another one with pictures.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Five Things...

I should have thought of to say at the Vet last Saturday. Tumbler is doing fine according to his most recent check up. While sitting in the lobby, we were talking to some nice lady with a pit bull (a strangely nice pit bull) and this guy walks in and snickers and me and Tumbler. I didn't say anything since this guy is obviously a total ass face. Then he decides to speak. "I got a cat bigger than your dog you know." So he turns around a cat carrier to show a very very fat ass cat. Seeing as cats are fine, but I just don't care one way or another about them...I didn't say anything. Then his wife turns and says "Oh...that dogs so small. His feet aren't even big. I bet he'll never get any bigger than that." Then they both leave. I wasn't sure what to say to these overly suck up nitwits so I just kept it shut. Mostly because the hot wife was with me and she probably would have been embarrassed. So I came up with a list of five things I should have said for your amusement and mine.

5 - My arms are bigger than yours, my car is faster than yours, and my wife is hotter than yours. Got anything else you'd like to compare?

4 - So you over feed a cat that's how old? My dog is nine weeks old, next time we're here I'll bring some ketchup because my dog will need a snack and that cat is too frickin fat to get away.

3 - I'm sorry. Did someone point to you? No? Then shut the fuck up.

2 - Really? It seems as though you've mistaken me for someone who wants to hear your opinion. Traffic is this outside right now. How about you and the cat go play in it together?

1 - THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!! (followed by a strong kick to the chest)

Oh, if only there was a convenient black hole placed in the front of the vets office...I think that guy might have gone down it with his ugly wife and fat ass cat...but that if course is in a perfect world and not the one we live in. So I just let the guy go on about his day without saying anything. Maybe he got in the car and felt like a total dipshit. But probably not.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Movie Review - Bridge to Terabithia

To be honest, I was a little iffy about seeing this movie but my hot wife really wanted to see it and I kinda wanted to see it. If you haven't noticed, we differ a lot on our movie tastes. She doesn't much care for the theaters, and I LOVE seeing movies on the big screen. Beyond that, if the movie has guns, aliens, breasts, explosions, and aliens with big exploding breasts...she's out...I'm in. But that's just how we roll. Usually when she gets excited to see a movie I'm all amped to go see it in the theaters with her. Typically I have some criteria. It cannot star Jane Fonda or Cameron Diaz. We agree on Rosie O'Donnell so as long as it meets the other two, we're good. This one I was curious about, but the book reminds me a lot of my fourth grade teacher. My fat ass no good horrid bitch fourth grade teacher Mrs. Davis. Don't worry...I didn't go to fourth grade here so I doubt anyone that reads this would know her. This woman was horrible and this was her favorite book. She was nice enough to make a group of fourth graders rub her shoulders while she read to us. We missed the last two chapters because she was busy balling her eyes out and slobering. The movie is sad...but I think you need to compose yourself if you're going to read this book to fourth graders. I don't think any of us knew what really happened, but between the slobberings most of us picked up what was happening. Since it made her cry, I didn't care. Just to give you an insight on how horrible this woman was at this small private school. She said some things in class one day about my mom that let everyone know she apparently did not like her. I of course had no idea her and my mom had ever talked. The next day they did. My mom showed up at school and said "If you ever ridicule me in front of a class like that again...I'll come down here and beat the shit out of you...pregnant or not." She was pretty nice to me after that. I know you're probably thinking my mom is a huge redneck, but she's really not. Think for a minute how you'd react if your kids fourth grade teacher made fun of you in class for no reason. Then react like I would. it's a tad on the red side...but on we go.

The movie...was good. From what I remember over Mrs. Davis' drooling and slobbering it was just about word for word the book. I don't remember a lot because I try to block those days out of my mind, but this was good. If you've read the book, you know it's a sad story, but still a pretty good one. We watched it with the Rumrunners last night and I think while it was sad both of them enjoyed it. I would have to give it three and a half out of five stars. I didn't absolutely love it, but if that book was to be made in to a movie I can't say as I would picture it being a lot different than that interpretation. Definitely worth a rental, and probably would have been worth the $16 for the two of us to see it on the big screen.

I hurt my neck on Monday so workouts have been kinda slow for me ever since. The good news is the puppy has been coming to work with me, and he loves it. Training him to function inside is going fairly well. His favorite place to be though, is either right at your feet (as you're walking) or in your lap. I hope he outgrows the lap thing because having a 150lb dog in your lap can't be fun. We'll hopefully post some more pictures here soon as he is getting bigger. That's it for now...more later.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Movie Review - Fantastic Four 2

I would have put Rise of the Silver Surfer in the headline, but it wouldn't fit. So...since the campus I serve is mostly closed on Fridays I had the afternoon off...which is nice in case any of you were wondering.'s nice. Very nice. Anyway, me and the Rumrunners (though without Rum) decided it would be a good idea to go see Fantastic Four today before everyone else went. I have to say, it's not a bad flic. The only real problem I have with it is that the actor playing the Silver Surfer didn't know he was being dubbed over until he saw the trailer. Given, I would be upset as well...but I guess if they dubbed Laurence Fishburn (or Morpheus) over me I could probably let that slide. So...the movie...

It picks up probably two years after the other movie left off. Jessica Alba (Sue Storm) and Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffud - also Lancelot in the Clive Own King Arthur movie) have attempted to get married three times and something always interrupts. So the start is about their wedding day and of course, the Silver Surfer interrupts. If he didn't we'd have a short movie right? Right. So the movie is about them working with the government to find out what the surfer is and destroy it. It's a little corny at times, but might be just as good as the first one. I read a lot of reviews of people that hated the first movie so I'd have to say that if you didn't like that might still like this one. All in all... a good flick. The only thing it's missing from the previous movie is Jessica Alba in her underwear. But...this one had a PG rating because she's trying to be a more serious actress and not sell just on sex appeal. Sorry's not that you can't's that men are pigs. Her role in the movie oddly seems small...but she's still pretty hot...well...let's be honest. It's Jessica Alba. She's smokin! They probably tried to put a moral lesson in it somewhere but I didn't pay attention to that. I was just happy that Dodge made the Fantasticar and the line "Does it have a Hemi? Sweet!" was in the movie. But it's good, and it's wide open for the third movie as well as the Silver Surfer to have his own spinoff. Hopefully this time he'll negotiate the deal so he can have his own voice in the film instead of Morpheus...but you never know. At any rate, I give the movie three out of five stars as I enjoyed it and will likely buy the DVD. Have a good weekend at the movies everybody!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Movie Review - Primeval

This is one of those that the wife didn't watch with me. Once she read the description, she was out. Personally, I thought it sounded cool. I mean, killer crocodiles and corrupt politicians in Africa? Count me in. Basically the premise of the movie is that a reporter (Dominic Purcell) has lost his credibility due to a story they don't talk about much. Enter the smokin hot Brooke Langton as a new reporter that's friends with the boss. She comes up with this great idea to catch this giant killer crocodile and bring it back to the US. This is all based on a true story and the crocs name is Gustav. Seriously, when the boss was passing out stories did he not once think "Wait a minute...I've seen this in a movie before...something about a big gorilla they captured...hmmm...didn't end well for them either." Anyway, they travel to Africa with Orlando Jones (the plucky comic relief), a guide, and a tracker that is supposed to be the crocodile hunter. They probably could have played the backgrounds of the other two guys up a little more instead it was just "oh yeah, this one time, the beast ate my wife." Then everyone just went on about what they were doing. The croc hunter (who conveniently has his own TV show) has decided he wants to capture this thing and preserve it so other people can see it. This is obviously a bad idea. Other than some bad editing and getting totally screwed out of seeing Brooke Langton in a wet white t-shirt, it's not so bad. The croc is CGI and you can only really tell in a couple of places...but's a people eating croc that's devouring random people in Africa. Not only are the main characters faced with having to run from a man eating croc, they guards they have are run by the corrupt politician that is fueling the civil war in Africa so he can have some form of power. According to the facts at the end of the movie, the civil war and the croc were both real and the croc still lives and eats people but no one from the US has attempted to go back and get it. My two favorites lines from Orlando Jones are copied and pasted here from IMDB and are hilarious...

Steven Johnson: You know, that croc's a lot like OJ. He made a mistake when he killed that white woman.

Steven Johnson: I'm never gonna say this in front of a bunch of white people. Slavery was a good thing. Anything to get the fuck out of Africa is a good thing.

Both pretty funny, and he's good as usual. All in all I liked it. I'm glad I didn't see it in the theaters because I don't know that I would have been happy if I'd paid $8.50 to see it, but a Netflix rental isn't so bad. I give it three out of five stars. It had the potential for four, but Langton kept her clothes on through the entire thing so it only gets three.

This weekend, if all goes well I hope to wood grille some salmon so I'll let you know how that turns out. The puppy is still doing well, and I bet he'll be 10 or 12 pounds at the vet this weekend because he is getting bigger. We'll keep you posted on how that goes. As far as movies go, we've got Fantastic Four this weekend and I'm going to make an effort to see it in theaters if I can. Maybe even Sunday night take the fam out to see Oceans 13 for Fathers Day, but we'll see.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Maxim Loses Credibility

I've been a Maxim reader for a few years now. Off and on through college when they had something that looked interesting, or when they had an insanely hot girl on the cover I'd pick up a copy. When I married my hot wife, she got that for me as a gift and every year I read it less and less because they suck more and more. Every year they do the Maxim Hot 100. Usually they send an add in of some sort in the magazine but as usual my mailman gets that one and I have to look online. This year I think they went over the edge and probably should have just called it "Girls assorted by number of headlines this year." Mostly because Kate Beckinsale was 21st. Even if you've never seen Underworld, you know she's hot. She does her share of girly movies as well, and I don't think you'd find anyone with a pulse that wouldn't sleep with her given the chance. Sadly, Beckinsale isn't the only travesty on this years unforgivable Hot 100. Salma Hayek, Danica Patrick, Lena Heady, and Halle Berry were all outside the top 50. The Olsen Twins were rated higher than Shakira, and Jessica Simpson. The travesty's just get worse. Not only is Cameron Diaz ON the list, she's higher than everyone mentioned above, and Keira Knightley. Seriously, so what if she's already bailed on Pirates 4. She can use a sword and oh yeah...SHE'S HOT where as Cameron Diaz reminds me of Corky from Life Goes On. Worse than that, Ashleey Simpson made the top 20 while her much hotter and more talented sister is back in the 40's somewhere. Eva Longoria ended her two year streak as number one placing just inside the top 10 in ninth place. Angelina Jolie somehow fell out of their top 10. Jessica Biel winds up in fifth place. That one I can kinda understand. Didn't think Christina Aguilera should have been fourth, but that's just me. Scarlett Johannson winds up third. Now, probably the biggest reason they lose all credibility this year is number one and number two. Runner up this year was another personal fav - Jessica Alba. Don't get me wrong, I think she deserves to be in the top five, she might even deserve to be number two. But the winner this year was Lindsay Lohan. Okay, I'm not going to say I never thought she was hot. I did. But currently she's a drug re-habbing crack whore. Do they honestly expect me to believe that in her current state she can stand in the same room with Alba? No. Sorry guys. You suck.

Speaking of losing all credibility. I've been doing Crossfit for about two months now. I LOVE it. They have forums and everyone goes on and posts weights lifted and times completed. Last week we had a workout that was 10 100 meter sprints and we were to post lows and highs to comments. Apparently this one guy was high off his gord because his low was 8.2 and his high was 9.4. Last I checked the world record was 9.79. Do you think maybe you left a number or two out of there? Same guy two days later, different workout. That days challenge was 100 pullups, 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 100 squats. Seems hard right? Don't be is. This is a time consuming exercise. Ass face posted that he did it in 13 minutes. Really? The Olympics should be recruiting this ass hat. If he can do all that in 13 minutes and run a 100 meter sprint in eight seconds, he's in the wrong line of work. You think if I could do it I wouldn't have that documented and be on my way to the next Olympic games? If you answered no, you obviously don't know how completely shallow I am.

At any rate, things are still moving along here. Still need to go see Oceans 13 and Hostel II with Mike but it seems my weekends are still filled with projects so no movies as of late. However, we do not intend to miss anything on the list this weekend. More to come this week.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Puppy Pictures

Well, they're long overdue, but here are a few pictures of the new puppy.

This is his Dad and he will probably look somewhat like this when he gets grown. I'm not wrinkling his head, he's just that wrinkly.

This is his mom, and she's supposedly one of their better looking dogs. I think she's going to be retired after this litter because she's about six years old.

This is him on our front porch by a flower pot so you can see how big he is.

And at the end of the day, he had to have a bath...and boy does he ever not like getting a bath. The breeder bathed him the day we picked him up and he didn't mint that at all. For some reason once he gets in the tub he knows it's bath time, and boy does he not like it.

That's it for now. Sorry if these uploaded a little weird. Blogger has been sucking ass on my home computer so I had to use photobucket to show the images.