Five Ringtones...

That people should never use. I know ring tones and ring back tones are the cool thing now, and I've noticed that people have some ringtones and ring-back tones that one should never use. So, lucky for you I'm not very busy today and I compiled a list.

1. Mariah Carey - any of her songs, no matter how often they play them on the radio should NEVER be used. If I call you and Mariah Carey is your ring back tone...you could expect me to never call you again for punishing my ears with that shit. Mariah Carey needs to be one thing...quiet.

2. Matchbox 20. Okay, I know they're back together and if you're a girl, we'll let these slide. However, if you're a dude and you have a Matchbox 20 ring back tone...we all know you're gay so just come out of the closet and get it over with.

3. R. Kelly. Do people still listen to him? Seriously? Yes...in fact they do. One of the ho's came in the other day and her phone was ringing off the hook. I guess I have ho's in high demand huh? I couldn't understand the song, but every time, she sang along. Finally she told me it was R. Kelly. I told her, as I would inform anyone, if I ever have to hear that shit again she's fired.

4. Sean Paul. It took me a minute to figure out who this no talent ass clown was. If you can't understand their shitty music on the radio, what makes you think a three quarter inch speaker on your shitty cell phone is going to make that any different? Sean Paul is blacklisted. If you don't know who he is, I'm not going to tell you. Consider yourself lucky. Please don't piss off the people around you or the people that call you with a very unclever ring tone.

5. Rap in general is banned. Don't get me wrong...we all listened to rap at one point and thought it was great. I still have somewhere around two gigs of Tupac Shakur on my hard drive. But realistically, songs like #1 Stunna, 82 Afros, G, and Till I Collapse (please...stop teasing us with the last one) are pretty much all steaming bowls of elephant piss so for the sanity of the rest of us...please refrain from using these as well.

Ring back tones in general are pretty gay so you should refrain from using those at all costs. Nothing pisses me off more than having five seconds to figure out what stupid song someone has chosen only for it to cut off when they pick up. The only thing that comes close is hearing "Please enjoy the music while your party is reached." Fuck no...not today thank you kindly. I'll not be enjoying anyones ring back tones.

That's about it from the store for today. Happy Birthday to my sister. If I don't get the urge to blog again, Merry Christmas to everybody!

Welcome to America now learn the language

It's been a busy buyback week and no one really managed to piss me off. That's pretty good for this time of year really. Most people come in demanding 100 percent of their purchase price back for books, or they want double what they paid because the books now have highlighting and that makes them more valuable. Seriously, if I hear that one again I might explode. You'll see it on the news. "College student in hospital with books and highlighter permanently lodged in ass. Bookstore owner suspect." Anyway, we have a mix of cultures here as I'm sure most places do. Plenty of people from all walks of life...and that's fine. My problem - and this might make me a white supremacist, I don't know - is that if you're here working, or attending school, you need to learn to communicate. If I moved to Spain I'd know how to communicate in Spanish because I'm on someone elses turf. Right? Simple enough. I had an Indian/Persian/Towel Headed woman come in the store today to sell a book back. It wasn't one that we were buying so I watched her walk to the counter, greeted her, and she presented me with the book. Then started yelling in Arabic or something. Whatever Habib-speak it was I couldn't make any of it out. So I politely said "Unfortunately ma'am, we're not buying that one. It won't be used again until the summer. You can bring it back then and we'll be happy to buy it." She pretended not to have heard what I said, and started yelling in her language again. Then - and this is the part that almost made me have to choke a bitch - she starts laughing and says "Hahahaha! You don't understand do you?? Hahahahah! YOU BUY BOOK NOW!!!!" So I looked at her again, and very calmly said "No, we're still not buying that one. I'm sorry." Same exact response in Habib-speak. Except now, I know she can speak English, she's just refusing to. So I said "If you want to sell anything at this buyback counter, you have to do it in English. Speak English, or go home." She stared at me puzzled and said "What is problem? You buy book NOW!!!" So I pushed the book back to her and said "NO! I'm not buying the fucking book lady!!" Again...silence. "What is problem?" she says. I didn't say another word. I just stared. She left.

Does this make me a bad person? I don't think it's too much to ask that someone be able to communicate in your language if they're in your country. I mean, how would she take it if I went to her native country and refused to speak the language? Not very well I would imagine. Well, that's all of my racist hate-speak today. Buyback week went really well and we're gearing up for Spring Semester like no ones business. Good Lord willing I'll be able to say we made it through Spring Semester without anyone pissing me off. Wouldn't that be something?

Five Reasons the BCS Sucks

Well, the season is pretty much over. Just a few bowl games left to go, and as usual the BCS and the media hates the SEC. So here are five good reasons the BCS computers should be recycled and 90 percent of all sports announcers should be drug in to the street and shot.

1. Georgia falls two spots after not playing? How often does this happen? Ohio State had two weeks off and they moved up? Who was it that Ohio played this year? Um...yeah, I can't think of a team they played worth their salt either.

2. Strength of schedule not factored in. I know...our insanely overpaid announcers say strength of schedule is factored in. If that's the case, explain Kansas to me. They said last night on the BCS announcements that Kansas was ranked 109 out of 119 teams in college football in terms of schedule strength and the only ranked opponent they beat was a then number 24 ranked team whose name escapes me. Oh yeah...BECAUSE THEY SUCK TOO!! So Mizzou gets screwed when their strength of schedule is 24th in the nation according to these magical computers. Bottom line, strength of schedule is not factored in by these mysterious machines.

3. USC is over-rated. If they dress out and lose five ball games, Pete Carrol still says "Oh yeah...we're going to the Rose Bowl this year." And they do. Every fucking time. They usually make it a point to play an SEC team, but they pic Ole Miss or someone that's having a bad year and stomp them mercilessly so the BCS computers can magically compute that the SEC isn't as good as USC. Sure, Pete Carrol is probably a good coach, and I'd be happy if he came to Auburn to coach. But that team is over-rated as hell. Furthermore, USC and Ohio States conferences blow. I think the SEC should break up and we should all join similar conferences. We should play Agnes Scott, William and Mary, UTC, and the Ivy League schools. Oh yeah...that didn't work out so well for Michigan and Notre Dame this year did it? It's because once again...their conferences blow. Yes, I know Notre Dame is independent.

4. Hawaii got screwed. Really? How? Ask Kansas. Sure, Kansas is a one loss team, but who did they play? I think when Va. Tech beats them like a salvation army drum the BCS computers should then be set on fire. There is no reason for Kansas to be ranked ahead of Hawaii just because they're Kansas. What the fuck is in Kansas anyway? Nothing...not even good football.

5. Georgia got hosed. Why? Well, last year when everyone raved out Michigan and Ohio State and how it was possible that they would play for the title, Urban Meyer spoke up. Sure, these ass clown announcers said Meyer just whined his way in to the title game, but what happened? They handed Ohio State their ass and hoisted the BCS trophy. So this year would have been a perfect time to see LSU and Georgia. In my opinion they're the two best teams in the country and we play in the hardest conference on the planet. We always get screwed because we play each other and you never know on any given Saturday if you're going to get beaten by your rival or if you're going to win. That's the thing about USC and Ohio State. They know when they play Agnes Scott, and William and Mary that they're going to win. In the South we have tradition, and rivalries, and tailgating. Does the BCS factor that in? No. Because the BCS is a scam designed to make sure USC, Ohio State, Michigan, and Notre Dame stay in the top five all year. I think as soon as Les Miles (hopefully) beats the shit out of Ohio State worse than Florida did, he needs to beat the shit out of the BCS computers, and every announcer that has said they didn't deserve a shot because he was in the SEC. Give me one good reason...and I mean GOOD reason, that LSU and Georgia shouldn't be in the title game and maybe I'll change my mind...but not likely.

That's my rant for today. Fuck the BCS computers, Ohio State, USC, Michigan, and anybody else that thinks these magical decision making computers are worth the plastic that holds them together. This is an insult to the players, the coaches, and the fans. As Pat Forde said we're "being sold swampland disguised as beach front property." I think he just said that to be nice because his blog is edited while mine is not.