Sales Reps = Lying Bastards

Most of the time they do anyway. One of our larger companies that we deal with just gave us a new sales rep. The old one was experienced, but she was a raging bitch, and a liar. It's very seldom that you'll meet someone in this industry that isn't a liar. We do have one sales rep that I can count on, and he's pretty sharp. Anyway, our new guy came in yesterday for a visit. Sales reps visit us throughout the year because they want to make sure we're still buying books from them, and more importantly still selling them books. The general rule here is if their mouth is moving, they're lying. This guy is with probably our number one supplier. They were with the old owners, so they wanted to make sure they stayed that way with us. Don't think that we're this huge store. We're not. Our campus isn't even very big so it's not like this company is going to go under without us. They just always try to retain any sale they can get. That and we're their only link to this campus. At the beginning of this past semester we wanted to do a large mailer to let students know that we're here, we sell both new and used books, and that we're nicer than their campus store. We did one our first semester to let everyone know we'd changed the store, and that we're new. It worked pretty well, this semester we had high hopes and were going to be really aggressive with it. Two days before the semester started my new sales rep called and said "Hey man, uh...I just now opened this list that you gave me. Yeah...uh...you doin alright? Uh....uh...man...uh...I thought this was a list of e-mail addresses you gave me, and I thought we were doing an e-mail campaign for you. Uh...I guess I'm curious to know what you want me to do?" Rewind for a sec. He's had this list since early October with instructions on what names to mail it to, what we want printed on the cards, and what cards we want. I was confused as to how on Jan 3rd of this year he'd just opened this attachment to see that it wasn't e-mail addresses. The mailer should have hit on Jan 6th. It didn't. I told him not to do anything since he couldn't figure it out. He said "Yeah man, that's cool. If you can get me e-mail addresses I can get that e-mail campaign done today." The campus was closed, getting any information from them was hard when they were open...closed might be just as easy but still improbable. So I told him he'd dropped the ball and he didn't need to do anything. Then he says "Well man...uh...I tell you what...I'm gonna come in like on Monday and take you out to lunch on the company card." I can be bought, it's true. However my price is much higher than lunch on the busiest day of the semester. I told him I couldn't do lunch then and not to worry about it. So he said he'd call back. He is terrible about returning phone calls. This took place on Jan 3rd, and I finally got him to call me back on Friday. He came in for my free lunch yesterday and was supposed to bring a new catalog so we could do a free mailer since they dropped the ball on the last one. He shows up yesterday, pumped up like Hulk Hogan about taking me out to lunch on his company card...without one important thing. The new catalog. He wasn't sure why he needed to bring it for an e-mail campaign. I took this opportunity to lay it out very simple for him..."We're not doing an e-mail campaign through you. I don't have e-mail addresses and can't get them. If I wanted to do an e-mail campaign, I could do it here...myself. You were supposed to bring this new catalog so we could do a new mailer. If you didn't bring the catalog, you shouldn't have come." He'd forgotten on Friday he said he'd bring this new catalog and he'd forgotten all about the mailer he dropped the ball on. Then he starts to question how much money we made this semester, and did we buy and sell with any other companies. These things are not his business. If anyone that's reading ever starts a college bookstore, here is one very important thing to know. One supplier cannot and will not supply you with everything you need. It's impossible. I think that applies to any business, not just this one but I'm no expert. While they may have been the number one supplier in this store since it opened, I think next semester they might be number two or number three. That was my Monday, I hope everyone else's was just as eventful.

Movie Review - Domino

I had to watch this movie twice because the first time I slept through most of it. We went to see some of my friends Friday night and after we ate and I'd had a few Boddington's I got a little tired on their comfortable couch, not to mention it was insanely hot in there. I missed a good part of it. As Hooters said you do get to see Keira Knightley without a shirt, and gives a guy a lap dance. She's pretty, but don't watch the movie for just that, you'll be disappointed. The movie is based on the true story of Domino Harvey, the model turned Bounty Hunter. She died after the movie was finished, but there is plenty of actual footage of her and her telling her story. You'll wonder what part of the movie is true and what part is made up. The part that Hollywood added is obvious. Domino, Ed, and Choco were all very ugly people in real life. Having Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, and that other guy play them was Hollywoods way of prettying them up I guess. The movie also stars Delroy Lindo, Christopher Walkin, Jaqueline Bisset, Dabney Coleman, and Mena Suvari. I have yet to see a movie where Suvari looked attractive at all, but for some reason in this movie she was more attractive and a lot less annoying than she usually was. Back to the movie. It's good, and she does repeat herself a bunch but that's okay. I don't know that I'll sit down and watch it again and again, but it was a movie I wish I'd seen in the theaters. Full of action, explosions, cuss words, violence, and gratuitous nudity. If those are the things you look for in a movie, I'd recommend you see it right away.

Outside of that, not much else happened this weekend. We were supposed to go to Mike and Tiffany's pajama party but we missed it because my parents stayed much later than they normally do. When we have them over for dinner, it's dinner and out. They were there until almost 11 and at that point I was too tired to go anywhere. Sorry guys. This week in movies we should have Walk The Line, Where the Truth Lies, and whatever else Netflix decides to send us. Not sure what they'll pick, but we'll see.

Nothing to report

I've been neglecting the blog this week, partly because I do have stuff to do at work, but partly because playing games online and not blogging has been more fun. If you get a chance, go to MaximOnline.com and search their games. They have some stuff that's funny, and some stuff that's fun. So, a report of what's been happening the last few days I guess is necessary.

At the store nothing is happening except returns to wholesalers. We still get calls for the hospital on a regular basis. Lately someone in another town has some rental property posted with our phone number on it, and I'm assuming a different area code. I get tons of these calls. Not only that, I get tons of messages. One guy recently has been insisting that I really do have this rental property and if I don't show it to him he'll go somewhere else. I did try to be nice at first...really I did. Last time he called I said "I'm still a college bookstore. I still don't have any rental property. If I did, I wouldn't rent it to your dumb ass." At this point he either realizes he has the wrong number, or he'll leave a message at 2:00 in the morning that says "I need to get in touch with you. I keep getting some guy that is refusing to rent me this apartment. Can you call me back and tell that guy to quit messing with me?" Maybe I should feel bad, but I don't.

Racing season has begun. Daytona kicked off last weekend and I can't say as I'm that exicted about the season. It looks like the Dodge guys are again going to be struggling and Nascar is going to make sure they get no concessions. Nascar is good about making sure the drivers and teams they think will sell the most tickets will win though. Case and point - the guy who won Daytona failed post-qualifying inspection because of an illegal device. His crew chief gets sent home but he still gets to keep the car...and the device. In past cases they usually confiscate the car. Not this guy. Why? Because Nascar called them the team to beat in 2006. Looks like they're going to make sure of it.

Not making new friends. Last week I drove the wifes Crustang to work because my Jeep was on the fritz. Say what you want, but it's at 150k miles and still has never left me stranded. The catalytic converter failed so basically driving it was like driving with a potato in your tail pipe. It's fixed, and only took four of five hours to do. I stop at a gas station to fill up the Crustang and this guy who is obviously as hard core in to Fords as I am in to Mopars says "Hey buddy...how ya likin yer Mustang there?" I said "Oh this. This is my wifes car. It's fine I guess." He goes "Yer wifes car? What in the hell are you doin drivin it then?" This is not his concern so I said "I needed to drive it. Sorry, forgot to get your permission first." He says "well, I like Camaros better." I laughed. "Seriously man, they're all chic cars." "CHIC CARS??" he says "What's that mean?" "They're cars made for girls. They're small, they're nice, not particularly fast, but sporty enough for a chic. Chic cars." Amazingly this guy didn't want to talk anymore. Dumb ass.

That's about it for now. We watched Rent last night but I'll let the wife review that. It wasn't bad, but it was more her movie than mine. I've got Domino to watch and review this weekend so I'm pretty pumped about it.

Gum Chewing and Wireless Headsets

Two things I hate. Don't get me wrong, I chew gum on occasions. The kind of gum chewing I hate is the people that you can always hear smacking it and somehow feel the need to stick it out of their mouth when they talk to you. I know there are people that are chronic gum chewers, but keep it in your mouth. It seems that everyone who has come in to the store this week has decided to see if they can make an echo smaking their gum in the store. Either that or when they talk they let it hang half out of their mouth. That's just wrong. The last guy that kept letting his gum hang out seemed embarassed when I said "Do you need a trash can for that or did you just want me to know that you were chewing gum?" He swallowed it. Dumbass.

Cell phones are bad enough, I can't stand the sound of a ringing cell phone. Now people have these wireless headsets so it looks like they're talking to themselves all the friggin time. I loathe this practice. What makes it worse is people just walk around and expect the rest of us to just know they're on their cell phone. I was helping a girl in here last week and a lady came in behind her and I said "I'll be right with you." I was talking to this girl and I hear "Hey! Hey! Listen to me right now!" Me and this girl turned to look at her and I said "Did you not hear me say I'd be right with you?" She said "I wasn't talking to you," and stood silent. I thought she had a personality disorder or something until she got to the counter and started talking again. She turned to reveal a new bluetooth wireless earpiece in her ear. I couldn't make any sense of what she wanted from me or what she needed so I said "Lady, make a choice. Talk on the phone or talk to me, but pick one so I can help you or do something else." She said "I wish there wasn't a counter between us, I'd smack you for talking to me that way." So I responded "I wish you had that bluetooth headset shoved up your ass." She told the person on the phone she had to go and apologized for being rude. After she had paid I said "See how much easier it was when you got off the damn phone?" Her response was priceless "They told me the same thing at the bank earlier. I don't know what you people's problem is. I pay the bill I can talk on it whenever I want." I just shook my head. This lady was old enough to be my mom, and somehow has no idea how to act in public.

A big congratulations goes out to Mike as he just got a call for an interview. I won't reveal the company name on here, but everybody send him a happy thought. Later today or tomorrow I've got another great Mike story that I'm sure everyone will find amusing.

Mud, Snow, and Movie Reviews

I spent the day yesterday servicing a bunch of Jeeps. I did my brother-in-laws new Jeep because it needed an oil change, and we changed the transmission fluid and both differentials in my friend Brian's Jeep. My Jeep finally got a transmission fluid and transfer case fluid service as it hasn't had one in a very long time. They're building a church on the way home and going to it is a very large muddy hill. Brian was talking about how he wanted to climb a large hill to see if his Jeep would do it. Instead he washed and waxed his while I was servicing my transmission. I didn't wash mine so I tried this hill out. I made it so the new gears and lockers I spent the cash on worked perfectly.

Last night it snowed...another reason not to wash the Jeep. It didn't snow much, and didn't stick to the roads, but now I have a good picture of my Jeep covered in snow. We haven't had a snow here in a long time and this year they were talking like it was going to be the blizzard of 93 all over again. It wasn't, but the grocery stores got cleared out of bread, milk, and anything else one might need to survive. The Jeep looks pretty cool covered in snow and mud though...

You can find pictures of the house and probably some of the wifes pictures later on our photo blog.

So a Movie Review for your weekend. We wathced Waiting. It wasn't bad, but there are a lot of truths to working in a restaurant in that movie. I never worked in one where anyone did anything to anyones food, so I'm pretty sure that's all a myth. The people that came in though, I've waited on every one of those people...even the 16 year old girls that were smoking. I didn't hit on them like Ryan Reynolds did, but they've been there. They usually order water and want free chips so they can smoke, then leave. I've worked with all of those people too, everybody from the manager to the bus boys and their depictions are insanely true. It was funny in parts, but not quite as funny as everyone made it out to be. It's worth a rental, but it's probably only going to be funny if you've worked in a restaurant or have a good friend that did. That's it for now.

The Way the Oscars should have been..

So after my post yesterday, Christian decided we could make a list of what should have won last year (2004) instead of what actually won, and we made our own categories that should be there but aren't.

Best Picture - Million Dollar Baby
Best Drama - Crash Runner Up - Collateral
Best Director - Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby
Best Action Flick - National Treasure, Runner Up - The Bourne Supremacy, Troy
Best Superhero Flick - Spiderman 2 Runner Up Christian's Pick - Hellboy, Raul's Pick - The Punisher
Best Comedy - Christian's Pick - White Chicks (are you serious?), Raul's Pick - Team America: World Police (Fuck Yeah!)
Runners Up - Christian's Pick - Meet the Fockers, Raul's Pick - Anchorman The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Best Actor in a Guy Flick - Denzel Washington for Man On Fire
Best Actress - Hillary Swank for Million Dollar Baby
Best Actress in a Topless Scene (yeah, you knew that was coming) - Angelina Jolie in Taking Lives
Movie You Shouldn't Waste Your Time On - Raul's Pick - Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Christian's Pick - Oceans 12 Runner Up - The Forgotten (we agree here)
Best Mindless Action Flick - Blade: Trinity
Runner Up - Christian's Pick - Walking Tall, Raul's Pick - The Chronicles of Riddick
Best Actress in a Mindless Action Flick (who also should have been topless) - Jessica Biel in Blade: Trinity
Best Actor in a Mindless Action Flick - Ryan Reynolds in Blade: Trinity Runner Up: The Rock in Walking Tall
Movie You Should Have Paid to See In Theaters - Christian's Pick - Troy
Raul's Pick - King Arthur (Troy is a given)
Movie That Should Have Had More Topless Scenes - Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Door
Best Revenge Movie - The Punisher, Runner Up - Man on Fire
Best Thriller - Christian's Pick - Saw, Raul's Pick - Cellular (was Christian's Runner Up)
Best Animated Film - The Incredibles, Runner Up - Shrek 2
Christian's Movie He Couldn't Think of a Good Award for but liked - Shaun of the Dead
Raul's Movie He Couldn't Think of a Good Award for but liked - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

There you have it. None of this best musical score editing crap. Awards the way they should be, and the ones that should be. Here in the next few weeks we'll give you what the Oscars should have been for 2005.

Academy Awards and burned burners

Well, the bad news first. The damn DVD burner died this week. Would you believe it's just outside of it's warranty? Nice. I believe that's the last Sony product I'll buy for a while. That's dumb that it only lasts a year and I've got a few friends that are hard core DVD pirates that won't use Sony burners either. I purchased a Pioneer yesterday from TigerDirect.com for a reasonable price and it should be here tomorrow. That sucks.

Speaking of DVD's, I was flipping through Netflix's collection of Academy Award winning DVD's and you can do it by what the movie won the Oscar for. These categories are dumb and are outdated. Why is there no category for best explosion? Best Fight Scene? Best topless scene by an actress? Best Car Chase? Seriously, Best Actor and Best Actress are a given as is Best picture and director. I'm tired of watching this Best Sound Editing, Best Film Editing crap. I know these people need credit and it's nice for them to get recognized for the work they've done to make the film look good, but realistically lets give guys a reason to watch the Oscars other than that our wives and girlfriends want to and they are making us watch. Give us Best Mindless Action flick or Best Superhero Movie or something. Do you know how many times Arnold or Stallone could have won that one? Yeah, a bunch.

As far as the nominees go, I'm upset that Hostel and Sin City got nothing and will likely get nothing. Those were both fantastic movies that if nothing else should get best special effects, but it seems that me and Oscar have different tastes.

I was going to blog about the SuperBowl but I was too mad and realized I had no team in the game so in short I'll say that Bill Levy should never be allowed to call another game in his career. Not just a pro-game, or a college game, they should bar that stupid bastard from calling any sporting event for the rest of his life. He shouldn't even be allowed to call JV Football games in towns where football is not important. He had to have some money on the outcome of that game, or knew someone who did because he pretty well handed it to the Stealers. I hate officials that won't just let people play the game. They're paid to play, we pay to watch, that's it. It should be a game, not a sage about some underpaid umpire or ref that wants TV time...I hate referees. Bill Levy, if you read this I hope Matt Hasselback and the entire Seahawks team shoved a game ball in your stupid ass. You earned it.

Guys Night Out

Friday night my wife went out with her self-centered vegetarian friend, so that left Mike and I to our own guys night out. The night started with shrimp and chicken at Hooters with a few beers. He met me out there on his bike so since rain was on the forecast we headed back to his place to pick up his girlfriend and go drink some more. We landed at their favorite bar called Buck Wild in downtown and had a few Jack and Cokes. A great combination I can assure you. As a side note, I should mention the new Cuervo Black goes good with Coke, or just over ice. It's not your typical tequila but it will certainly do. Mikes girlfriend is getting hit on by to or three different guys, and before I know it a 40 year old woman and her 40 year old friend have their arms around me while taking vodka shots. I don't remember what their shots were called but they had a dude with them that seemed to be their gay friend, who as it turns out was not gay and was trying to score with two very unattractive married women. He still looked gay, and I think Mike and I wanted to punch him...hard. Anyway, one of them offered me a shot and since the shots looked gross and even the bartender said they were crappy shots, I declined. I told them if they did tequila I'd consider it, she said she was too old and then decided this was the best time to talk about age. They decided to guess my age. Any guesses as to how old these old women thought I was? 34 and 38 were their guesses. I'm 27. Bitches. They argued for a minute and said I should stand up and turn around so they could get a better look. I declined. It was bad enough that one of them was rubbing her tits all over my arm, and I was certainly not about to add to this disgusting experience by making myself the meet of a 40-year-old woman sandwich. They've more or less forgotten about their gay guy who is still standing in between them trying to get another free shot out of them so he does not like me. Mike is amused that there are two old women hitting on me and a gay guy that needs to be punched in the throat invading my personal space here. They asked if I'd show them to their hotel room because they were drunk so I said "Um no. It's not that far. Just head out of here and hang a right. You'll see it." They left and amazingly didn't say goodbye. They left the gay dude behind so I said "Hey, gay guy...where'd your friends go?" He responded with a very upset "Hell man, they're married. You can't get married people to do anything you know?" Somehow I have a good idea. We leave the bar because it was dead, and I think the gay guy was still talking to us but neither me nor Mike addressed him.

I'd been texting my hot friend Brandi because she was across the street at Chili's drinking at the bar with my friend KT the huge. Brandi and KT used to date, but they are currently not dating. We used to double date with them and I refer to her as our hot friend because she's good looking, and because it really makes KT mad. KT mad is really really funny. Anyway, Brandi says she's headed to the billiard club and she'll meet us there. We get there early and out of nowhere this very large drunk dude screams "My God dude! You look just like me! Get over here and fuckin hug me dude!" I'm a magnet for retards tonight, and I have no choice as he's rapidly approaching. He starts asking my about who my pick is for the Superbowl. I really don't know because I really don't watch pro-football. I'll watch the superbowl, but my sport is Nascar and NHRA with an occasional IRL race. This guy now thinks I'm gay and says "Dude, fuckin hug me back. We look just alike," We still don't. "I'm just tryin to figure out what you do and try not to ask if you're gay or not dude." I was looking for an escape when Brandi hit the door. This guy goes nuts "Holy shit dude, look at that girl. She's fuckin hot!" I agree. Brandi hugs Mike and Tiffany and asks them the situation on this large drunk caveman that has me curled up under his arm. I'm not a small guy by any stretch, but this dude made me feel like a midget. I don't know what Mike said, but Brandi walked over and said "Hey now, get your hands off my man," and kisses me on the cheek. He goes "Holy shit dude! That's your girl?? That's awesome!" Brandi hugs me and says "You can thank me later. Now you get to tell your wife she owes me one because I saved you from a large smelly guy that wasn't KT." Whoever this guy was walks off and is still pointing at me going "That's fuckin awesome dude!" He does this several more times before Mike and I decide we hate everyone in this place (save for Brandi) and head home. Also of note Mike let me drive his new Harley Fatboy and it was cool. I need one. My hot wife will likely blog about her night with her friend but I assure you it won't be as eventful as getting hit on by two women that are her moms (not my moms) age and having a friend rescue you from a large sweaty drunk cavement. Tonight we get to watch the superbowl and of course the commercials. Since we didn't really have a date at home this weekend, it gets to be tonight. I hope everyone else had a good weekend.

Mohommad, the Tire Guy

My brother-in-law just got a Jeep that is in pretty bad need of tires. My father-in-law calls the other day and says he's found a used tire dealer right near the store that has a great deal on a set of tires. New readers and divas are probably asking why I'm the go to guy for tires and books. Simple. My last job was in the antique automotive industry and one of my main jobs was wheels and tires. I know more about tires than any three tire shop guys can tell you, and I know all their tricks they pull to suck you in to something you don't need. I (and my former co-workers of course) are a tire shops worst enemy. They hate it when people know the truth, and know what they're talking about, therefore when they feed me a line of bs and I call them on it, they hate me. So, my father-in-law asked me to go check this place out and see what kind of tires he was getting a price on and if they were a good deal. He said "Ask for Mohommad, tell him I sent you to look at my tires." I don't know too many 'Mohommad's' that own tire shops so I was expecting to see a service station with a Kwik-E-Mart attached to it. What I found was a used tire dealer, filled to the gills with Arabs. I don't mean that in a racist way, I mean I walked in the door, everyone behind the counter had on a head wrap - call that a rag if you'd like - a white robe, and the women had their faces covered. The guy in charged looked much like Yasser Arafat would have had he owned a tire shop...this guy was dressed like every picture of him I'd ever seen so that should give you a good mental picture of the place. It was wall to wall tires...used tires...take offs...tires that were sent to be disposed of that he'd come in to possession of for free and was making a living off of it. After talking to him for a minute I'd already decided what to tell the in-laws about these tires. Then he starts telling me to "Listen, listen, listen," as he tells me everything I need to know about tires and tire sizes. I tried to be polite and say I knew what he was trying to explain but he insisted that I did not. I listened for a minute and said "Look Jihad, I used to work at (insert former employer here...they're that well known), I know about tires and wheels. I probably know more about them than everyone in this shop put together and what you're telling me is not correct. Not even a little bit." He turned white as the towel on his head. Then apologized profusely and said in his best Gandhi voice "Most of my customers don't know anything and that's how I make my living." We talked another minute and he offered to sell me anything I wanted at cost and he'd extend the deal to my in-laws that he could manage. At that point I had to ask..."Hey Mohommad? Who's my bitch?" He hung his head and agreed that he was. While I might own a bookstore, and I might wear my five o'clock shadows for days at a time, I'm not stupid. Outside of finishing up our returns for the semester not much else is happening here. If anybody else needs help with their friendly, or not so friendly neighborhood tire guy just let me know. That's what I'm here for.

State of the Union

Yeah, I watched the address last night, but who didn't? Personally I'm not sure why we do these things, maybe it's to make us feel like we're informed. I think the President did a good job, I think what he said was clear, down the middle, and I could probably go along with most of it. My only problem with these things is the opposing party and their rebuttle. Last night the Governer from Virginia looked like a complete and total ass to me. He said "There is a better way" nine freakin times. Okay man, if there is that much of a better way, tell us what the hell it is! I remember we watched one a few years ago where there response was something to the effect of "we need to focus more on the economy at home...we need to buy more american products....we need to get our prescription drugs from Canada." What is that about? They contradicted themselves a few other times that night. Can they not hear themselves? Did the intern proofing that not do their job, or is someone going "Tee hee hee hee, I added 'there is a better way' NINE time to his speech! Tee hee hee hee!" I think they should let people like me say what we think. I think you'd get an honest answer instead of one parties propaganda. According to Cnn.com an "NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll conducted January 26 through 29 found 47 percent of those polled preferred a Democrat-controlled Congress, compared with 36 percent, who preferred it to be controlled by Republicans following this year's elections. A majority of respondents in the same poll, however, said the Democratic Party lacked a clear agenda and ideas on major issues." I can only guess if there was a box that said "Do you think there is a better way?" that this same 47 percent might have checked that. Governer Kaine certainly checked that box...nine times. I think rather than pointing fingers, or saying "there is a better way" we should find a better way. If Governer Kaine knows of a better way, by God bring it out. It's much easier to say nine times that you know how to do something better than to actually do it. I think the Republican response should have been a short and simple "Show us this better way you speak of." That's it. If this ass clown knows a better way to solve all our problems, let's see it. Stop mentioning past events, and how you would have done them better, bring out this better way that you're keeping secret and let's see if it will work. Personally, I'm calling bullshit on your better way as I don't think you have one. I can imagine the President is too, but now you have a chance to prove us wrong. So...let's have it.